I hope you don’t think people care about you, even if they “show” they care. I hope you don't believe that that person won’t leave. Everyone leaves. Even the people that pinky promised they would never do anything to hurt you. They tell you they “love you” but they never actually did. You can't even trust family anymore. 

When I was a little girl, I was naive and thought everyone liked me, as my mom had told me. Even if they were mean they were “just jealous.” That little girl was wrong and stupid for thinking anything like that. I was the youngest out of my five other siblings, four of my dad's kids, and one of my mom's. In order from oldest to youngest; Micheal, Nick, Courtney, Dustin, Linnea, and then me. Micheal is twenty years older than I am and Linnea is eleven years older than me so the rest of my siblings are in between those ages. 

Nick who is my second oldest brother, is very childish and always starts drama. Around five years ago I started noticing that Nick wasn't talking to me and never reached out. When it was my birthday, we would have parties at my house and he wouldn't talk to me, I think this is how it had always been but I didn't notice before. He's like this with my sister Linnea too, so I think it’s because he doesn't like our mom which means he doesn't like us. 

A week ago, I was looking on Facebook and a post came up that Nick commented on about a famous woman’s clothing, he said “She looks ridiculous with that my belly hanging out like that.” He can’t even spell, and he was so rude so I commented back to him and said “Don't.” When I got home I was talking to my dad about how I don't like him but since he is my father's son, he got offended and told me that I need to like him. Apparently, Nick told my dad that he didn't know why I never talked to him and that I need to make more of an effort to see him and talk to him. He's the adult and he's rude and now he's crying about how I don't talk to him. My mother and I both believe that if someone is disrespectful, I don't need to put in the effort if they don't put in the effort either, but my dad thinks that is rude.

My father and I don't get along. He thinks that I'm rude when I don't talk to my family but I could be a lot ruder if I actually talked to them like he wanted me to. My dad also believes I should reach out to my grandfather and aunt because they are his stepdad and sister, but neither of them reach out to me, even on my birthday or holidays. My dad gets upset because he needs their approval and acceptance but I do not. Ever since my grandmother passed away my dad’s side of the family has been ruder to me and I think it’s the same reason as with Nick, it’s because they don’t like my mom, so they treat me differently and don’t like me, but then blame it on me and act like I’m the one in the wrong. 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I have known since I was 8 years old and in the third grade. We had a crush on each other in 7th grade, but we didn’t know if we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. In 8th grade, on Jan. 23, 2020, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes, of course. A few weeks later he came to my house and met most of my family, including some of my siblings and I met all of his friends. It was both of our first real relationship where we each met the other’s parents and family. His mom lives in Alaska and he lived with his dad here in Willits. Each summer he would go visit his mom in Alaska. Last summer, he broke up with me because he thought he was going to stay in Alaska for the school year and because he ended up meeting another girl and having a crush on her. He ended up coming back to Willits and I forgave him so we started being boyfriend and girlfriend again. I thought the school year went great, but he once again was going back to Alaska to spend the summer with his mom. I was worried this time because of what happened last year and I told him this. He was in Alaska for only a couple of days when he decided to break up with me again. This time it was for good since he decided to stay in Alaska and not come back to Willits. He has already had at least two girlfriends and has completely changed from the person I like and called my boyfriend for two years. This is why I say everyone leaves, no matter what they say to you, and no matter who they are, they always decide to leave you.

I have experienced other people leaving me when I was younger and although I understand the reason they left now, then I didn’t. Some of the experience I have been through and felt has made it hard to trust people. They often tell you they care about you, love you, and would never leave you or hurt you, and yet, they do. Whether it is your family expecting you to treat them differently or better than they treat you, or a boyfriend who finds someone he thinks is better than you, they all lie to you and leave you, often for what appears to be no good reason. I know at my age boyfriends will come and go, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and makes you question the person you are, especially when they do start as your friend. Family should never leave you but I have learned that is often not the case either, they leave or treat you differently when you don’t act the way they think or want you to.