My favorite mistake was falling into depression, because little did I know it would make me who I am today. I first started falling into depression after the passing of my Beloved Grandma on September 25th, 2017. At the time I was only 11, not knowing what had happened to my grandma until I had to see my grandma lifeless in a wooden box. In that moment as I stood before someone who I loved with all my heart no longer breathing. I said in the very back of my mind “Come back Grandma, come back to me” again and again before bursting out tears and shouting loudly “WHY, WHY, LET ME GO WITH YOU, DON'T LEAVE ME'' trying to chase her while she was being taken away knowing deep down inside that she was never coming back. That day and the rest to come I would have to accept the fact that “In life people come and go, whether they are alive or not.” Though I had accepted a great loss and tried to move on for the better, I couldn't; I became lonely inside with no one to run to everyday and ask to play soccer with. As I went through the last 24 days of being 11, I still couldn't get over the fact that she was no longer with us. We still celebrated my birthday on October 18, 2017 even though it wasn't the same as when she was here, I still made it to 12 years old though, right? So on in my life from 2018 to 2022 I still think of her and miss her. I came to acknowledge that though I was 12 now and the new year had come to 2018 I was still the same as last year, lonely and broken. Thinking to myself as time flew by, I was now going to be 13 years old on October 18, 2019. My Thought as time went by was “How Many shall Go, and I Live?.”

This leads me to September 8th 2020 at around 1am. As I woke up from a long nap I had taken being half awake and asleep. I got on my phone and opened Instagram to just scroll through stories and see what’s up. Until I saw certain stories posting about someone who was like a brother to me saying “RIP Big Dawg/RIP Cesar” and after seeing that, all I could say to myself was “What?”. Not sure whether to believe that it was true or not, but I got up from my bed to go ask my brother Ernesto if it was true and he already knew what I was coming to ask him and he confirmed that he was dead though he did confirm I did not want to accept that fact. So I decided to go back to sleep hoping it wasn't true. I woke up later that morning around 7 or 8 hearing what sounded like my mother yelling” NOT MY ANGEL, NOT MY ANGEL” in Spanish. Hearing Her from my bedroom I got up and ran so fast to see what was up. As I got to the living room I saw my family in a little hut watching something and trying to calm my mom. At that moment I was just like “What is going on?” and my brother responded “Cesar is dead lil bro” and I'm like “our Brother Cesar”. His reply shattered my heart and that was” Yea bro they shot him three times one in the head, one in the heart, and in the middle of the chest”. I stood in shock for a while thinking about him like ”Why did they take my big brother”. A while later I told them let me see the video you guys were watching and they responded “Are you sure it's really sad”. My reply was “yes” then they showed me and little did I know how much I would regret it. It gave me trauma for a while and not only that, but fear as well. After watching something I would never forget I started crying saying “Why you man, whyyy”. 

From that day I had no more love, trust, care or anything for anyone. Not even my own mother or father, I started to do what I pleased and became a physical hell to those around me. I hurt my parents for quite some time with my actions and feelings. I started going to parties and drinking and I smoked a bit. I wasn't feeling the smoking vibes though but you could ask Angelo or Adan or anyone in my family I was on something. I lost myself completely to the point where I cared no more if I lived or died. As long as I wasn't sad anymore or in pain. I tried to find hobbies and things to do but everything I did never made me happy or never made me feel fulfilled. 

As I kept moving through the year of 2020 there was a certain month I don't remember which one but I got sick. In my mind I was like “What More Can Go Wrong in Life”. The Doctors told me what I had, but I forgot; I just knew it affected my health so bad that I was throwing up on the daily and I could barely sleep and breathe. I also barely ate because even though I ate I would eventually throw it up and it sucked. They gave me medication and stuff but those barely helped me, I was sick for a min. Until one night something hit me right in the heart. It was a type of feeling and it wanted me to go somewhere; basically it felt like that. So I decided to go to my neighbors house and ask for a prayer and as I waited patiently at the door for a bit they eventually answered and said “Hola” , and I replied back with “Hola, Soy Julian” and off my name they knew me and invited me in. I sat down and they asked me if I needed something and that they were there to serve me or anyone. So I said “I need prayer. I haven't been feeling good lately and I know you guys know a God”. They said “Claro que si mijo Amen” with excitement they said because deep in their hearts they knew their God can do great things. So before they prayed for me they told me if I believed and that if I didn't they said so they could pray that God gives me the faith to believe. But I believed because of their great faith. They started praying and as they did In The Name of Jesus Christ. I felt a warmness and comfort come upon me and the pain was leaving and it was something unbelievable. I went home that night and didn't throw up and slept like a baby.  It was awesome and I thought I was okay now but I forgot that there is a process to everything. So I didn't lose the little faith I had in me and there was something I remember they told me that night which was to “talk to God every night and present him your needs though he knows it all.” So I did and my belief in a God grew stronger and there were nights where I threw up and couldn't sleep but I felt like there was a reason and at the end, there was. I eventually started to go to church and I liked it because everyone treated me like they knew me and it was awesome. I felt welcomed. I loved the preaching's. They were heavy but were helpful and there was just one little problem. It made me happy but sadness would still come back and I would pray and pray and nothing happened which was what I thought because sadness was still there and I didn't know what else to do. I was always thinking about my brother and grandma. When I had the time I would visit him and yea. I still kept going to church but I still wasn't fully healed.

Until one day at Church as our Shepherd spoke about baptism I was like “hmm” you know thinking about it. Almost before ending the service, he said “whoever wants to get baptized in the future step up if you’d like.” I was one of them and he had joy in his smile, a joy I seeked for but did not find. All because I wanted to get baptized. So I kept thinking about it and I asked God if I should give him a sign and then I sat for a minute and I felt warmth in my heart so I took it as a sign to do it and I said “alright Lord ''. That being because of the grace Christ Jesus Showed me. I was baptized in the Name of Jesus Christ and was submerged under water for the forgiveness of sins on May 23, 2021 dying to myself and being born in Christ. The beginning of my walk in Christ was rough but as I grew in the faith I became unmovable.  I started preaching about the good news and sharing my testimony to all. Some people disliked me and I smiled because I did nothing wrong. I don’t know what else to do but say Christ fixed a broken vessel and made it brand new. I have my mess ups here and there but I let how I deal with them define me now. 

This is the end of my favorite mistake; the moral of the story is alright I guess I could use a lot of practice and my Character Growth was big because he had to learn that in life you lose many things but at the end of the day we have to keep moving forward and we have to let go of the past to hold strong on the future Amen. God Bless you Mr. Johnson, wonderful and Blessed weekend.