My name is Caleb Llewellyn, a senior at the East-West School Of International Studies, who is autistic. However, nobody really knew that I was autistic in middle school, I remember the other students in my grade would try to joke with me in ways that I did not like, and some would get annoyed with me for things that weren’t even intentional. I even remember acting on impulses without thinking them through— my best friend Vincent, who I’ve known since elementary school shunned me. This had been going on since my first day at PS/MS 219, and I knew that I would have to tell everyone my special secret at some point. 

There are so many people who think that just because someone has a disability (including autism), that the person isn’t a human being. Many people view autistic kids as kids who throw tantrums and have meltdowns, or do certain behaviors to be annoying on purpose.

It was June 25, 2019, the second to last day of school. I had just graduated from middle school, and we were going to be reading our writing pieces from our poetry unit we had just finished up. All the 8th grade classes gathered together in the cafeteria, and each one of us were going to share our poems. I was looking forward to that moment so much. When I got off the bus, Ms. Gianninoto, the US History teacher, was standing outside the cafeteria saying, “All eighth graders please report to the cafeteria.” I couldn’t wait to share my poem with the class. I thought that once Vincent understood that I was autistic, he would instantly forgive me and be my friend again. 

All the eighth-grade teachers and students assembled in the cafeteria. There were Dunkin’ Donuts boxes on the high tables by the windows. I couldn’t wait to share my poem. I especially hoped that my poem would help Vincent see why I called him funny names such as “Vinnie Boo Bear”, a name that was inspired from The Thundermans, Vinnie, Vincenzo, and Vincenzo Ralphael Paollilo, which annoyed the fudge out of him. Before the students started reading their poems, I asked Vincent if he would forgive me before starting our freshman year at East West together. “Hey Vincent, I’m sorry for calling you Vinnie Boo Bear. Can you please unshun me?’ 

But of course, Vincent replied, “Hell no! You’re shunned until I die!” I felt like I had drowned in a pool of ice water. I really wanted Vincent to forgive me— I wanted him to understand that I was accidentally joking and that he didn’t understand why. 

When it was my turn to share my poem, I knew I was going to nail it without a doubt. When it was my turn, I shared my story without a drop of fear.  All the behaviors that I had done in the past, behaviors that followed with impulses that were out of my control. My poem ended with the line “Because I am autistic.” Everyone in the room, both the teachers and students clapped for me. After I finished, I asked Vincent, “Will you unshun me now? Do you understand my story?” Vincent angrily responded, “NOOOO!” 

Even though Vincent didn’t unshun me, my teachers were congratulating me and some of the other students as well. Camilo Aristazabal said, “You did amazing, Caleb.” I couldn’t believe it. I finally felt respected by my peers after 3 years. My heart grew three sizes that day. Everyone finally knew who I was, and it was a happy memory to end off my last year pf middle school. Public school kids are 50% more likely to be bullied than those in private schools because of their autism. Social isolation is a real thing, which is why so many people are scared to share their stories. The important takeaway is this: Never be afraid to tell your story, no matter how ugly it is. Masking up just makes things worse for you. Don’t believe me? Would it interest you that a 2019 study showed that stress and anxiety were higher in people who tried to cover up their autistic traits, and in a 2018 study, 111 autistic adults were interviewed. The most common responses were that masking up their autism led to depression and feeling isolated from peers. 46% of autistic children are victimized as middle and high schoolers. Not everyone we meet is going to be kind and understanding —- it hurts, but that’s just the way life is. If people choose to be ignorant of your story without understanding its importance, then that’s on them. But no one deserves to be isolated, and there so many people out there who understand what you’re going through and will feel empathy for you.