My heart beats fast as the four-square ball hits the ground. When I hear the faint voice of mom in the distance, I know that’s my cue for dinner. So I hurriedly tell my friends I will be back. As I run back to my house, I see my mom standing worriedly at the gate. I slow my steps and try to understand why she is out there. I feel the crisp spring grass crunch under my feet. She probably has news, good or bad I wonder. I still feel like I’m running for my life from anxiety, but I decided just to brace for the terrible wave. 

With every step I take more and more uncertainty bubbles up within me. My heart is racing like when you are about to go down a huge roller coaster. When I finally get to my mom she asks me to come inside because she has some important news for me. I stand there in awe thinking about what it could be. I’m trying to hide the fear within me. 

As I walk up the steps, my body feels cold. We walked through the hallway, and I feel my stomach churning. We sat down at the table and my heart just beats faster and faster, worried about what was coming. My thoughts race in my mind. My anxiety dances in my belly. I feel motionless, constricted in fear. The suspense is killing me. I see my mom searching for an answer with a guilty look on her face. My palms are sweaty and I’m shaken with fear about what is to come. Then come those three life-changing words “We are moving.”  

Too shocked to speak, too fearful to move, the uncertainty of it all, the unreliability of my new reality. All these questions flood my brain within seconds. I feel the blood drain from my face. I feel drained of all emotions and feelings.  All the memories I made at my house just whizz by. It’s all gone. I will never feel the same again knowing I won't live here for much longer. I have so many questions all at once. What about all the friends I made? What does our new house look like? Where will we be moving to? All these questions sit on my shoulders weighing me down. My mom explains we will be moving to the other side of town and I won't be able to walk to my friend's houses anymore. We will be moving to our new house in three weeks. Only three weeks to pack up my memories, three weeks to pack up my life. 

My voice is shaky and I’m getting choked up as I say “But why”. My mom is speechless because I know she loves this house too. It’s just too much work for her to fix it. Too much for her to handle. When I stand up from the table my legs feel like jelly and I feel out of control of my body. When I’m walking down the hall my body feels heavy as I pass by family pictures hung on the wall. When I approach the stairs it feels like a big mountain I have to climb leading to my safe haven. I take it one step at a time. With every step, it feels like a punch in the gut. As I walk to my room my insides feel like they are twisting into tighter and tighter knots. I’m trying to equate myself with my new reality. The walk to my room feels like forever but when I finally make it to my door I stare at my room thinking of all the memories I had here. Flashbacks of memories and comfort. Darkness looming over me.

 I jump on my bed and lay flat on my back, I feel like I’m sinking into my bed and it feels like I’m falling into a deep dark hole. I can not cry or even scream when my heart is wrenching and skipping beats. My thoughts are racing in my mind. I feel so overwhelmed. I just still don’t understand. I feel upset at my mom because I just wish she hadn’t put me through this. After laying there for a while I decided to get up. As I'm sitting up I feel light-headed and dazed. I feel drained of my energy. As I’m making my way downstairs I think about how maybe this could end up working out. I feel this sense of hope. But I just think about how much things will change. But sometimes I think change could be exciting and new. I start to realize that my friends won't abandon me, and maybe I'll even make new ones. This could bring so many new opportunities. I still feel a hole within me, but maybe that is starting to get patched up. I start to see the light in this situation. Before I know it, I'm walking down the steps with more confidence and certainty. 

The moment when I see my Mom and Bodi I realize something. It’s not about where you are, it's about who you're with. I feel a sense of calm I have never felt before. All this time I was worried about what would happen to my friends and family. I was worried about change. I was worried about whether this would affect me forever and if things would change drastically. But they aren’t going anywhere, my friends aren’t going anywhere, they are here to support me. This is just the start of a new chapter of my life, there are so many more memories to be had. I will never forget the old ones but I’m excited to start something new. I will miss my old street and neighbors but I will never forget the lesson I learned on this day, it's not about where you are, it's about who you're with. I will take this lesson with me every day and use it in every aspect of my life.