I still remember the tears burning my face as they kept coming and coming like they would never stop. It’s crazy how much two words can affect you. The first word is you. The second word suck. It was like a game of charades. But the two words Brett said to me still ring through my head, not able to fully understand what was said to me. The words that would later haunt me convincing me they were right day after day. Except I didn’t know what to feel that day. 

It was a great day stepping onto the burning turf in my new cleats and getting ready to begin the practice I was excited about. As I got closer to the goal, striding long steps, feeling the sun beat down on my back as it started to settle in for the night behind the gray clouds, wiping the sweat off my face. Tasting the salty sweat on the top of my lip. I was ready to go knowing that we were shooting and I was in my element. Getting to the dugout mud filled penalty spot I took a breath. You can do this. You do this all the time. You're extraordinary. No one does the same things you do. You're going to be fine, it's just practice. But remember you play how you practice. Taking my three steps back looking into the focused eyes of the goalie trying to not let her notice where I’m shooting. The breeze pushes me forward as I run and kick the ball. A whoosh as the wind takes it way too far right. I missed it. I MISSED. What is going on? Why can’t I make a shot? Oh, no coach is coming over. Calm down, you're going to be just fine, he's not going to care. “Sydney” the words snap me out of my thoughts waiting to hear my fate. 

Then it comes “You Suck” it's fine he’s probably just saying that as a joke. His face was as straight as ever, with no smile going ear to ear. 

The wind still whooshing in the background makes me turn away and go back in line. It doesn’t matter what he said. They're just words. Shake it off. I wait in line waiting for my next shot. Hoping I can get it in the back of the net. Waiting patiently I finally step up to take my shot. You suck. You can’t do this. The words ring in the back of my mind. Trying to shake them off and not pay attention I go to shoot the ball again. And again I missed it. What is happening? Why can’t I make a shot? This time he doesn’t come over. I don't even get pointers on how I can make my shots, the disapproving shake of his head equivalent to the feelings in his mind.

The rest of the practice goes horribly, I can’t pass the ball well enough, or I can’t dribble past the defenders. My shoulders start to droop thinking in my head. Is he right? Am I that bad? After practice at the end of the night, I can’t get the words out of my head. Tossing and turning throughout my sleep wondering and waiting for the next day to see if it was all a dream. 

We have a game today, and I think I’m ready. Ready to prove him wrong and show me that I can do this and that what he said isn’t true. Warming up is the same as usual, but I can still hear the words ringing in my ears you suck. That game was horrendous. I missed every shot, and I couldn’t get past the defenders as I usually do. As I walked away from the field feeling defeated I thought to myself why is this happening to me? How come two little words have such a huge effect on me? That’s what I asked myself for two years. Wondering if I was ever going to play the same, or ever get my groove back. 

Eventually, I did get it back and I helped my team get into the finals of every tournament we went to, scoring the most goals and having the assists. Looking back on it to that day makes me think about what I could’ve done differently. All the tears shed over the missed goals and bad games I learned that you should trust what you think and not let others' words affect you so much. I will never forget that day because it taught me a lesson that I will keep with me on how to make sure that you can be affected so much by what others think about you and their opinion, and I think that it helped me improve my game because it pushed me harder to improve and make sure that I would prove everyone wrong who doubted me. Overall, confidence is key and you need to believe in yourself and not let what others think bother you.