The car slowly pulls up to the entrance of the gym then comes to a complete stop right in front. I haven’t been here in years, since I went to this camp in elementary school, but it immediately brings me an intense feeling of nostalgia and excitement. I get out, turn around to say bye to my mom, then gather myself and walk up the stairs and through the door. As I walk through the gym lobby, I see some people I recognize from training, but not well enough to say anything to. I walk out the lobby and into the gym, I’m greeted by the sight of swarms of excited children, and on the other side of the massive room I see my friend Tahlia. I yell over to her to say hi. She turns around and waves, gesturing to me to come over.

I walk over, and she introduces me to a few of the friends she had made while working at camp the previous year. They all seem really nice, but I don’t get to talk to them for long because shortly after, we are interrupted by a cacophony of yells from behind us. I turn around, thinking something bad must have happened. Instead, I see a group of people who I assume to be camp counselors. They are forming a circle in the middle of the gym, and upon hearing their yells, campers around us begin to grin and quickly make their way over to the center of the room to join in the yelling, which slowly begins to take the form of, “FRIEEEENDSHIIIIP CIIIIRCLLLEEE!” My new junior counselor friends smile at each other and also begin making their way towards the circle, inviting me to come too. I follow them to the middle of the gym.

Once I arrive at the circle, most of the campers in the gym, probably around 200 of them, have also arrived. As the yelling continues, I look from face to face, deducing that the age range of the kids was probably around 5 to 12 years old. As I look around, I also notice that there are some kids outside the circle, sitting near the walls of the gym with some other counselors and junior counselors watching over them. Maybe they just didn’t wanna participate.

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted with a new yell from the diverse orchestra around me, a low pitched one that brings my attention back to the circle. The yell gradually rises in pitch like a tea kettle until it becomes a fully fledged song. I don’t remember any of the words from my time at the camp, but I try my best to participate anyway, with dance moves accompanying the song. The energy that the other junior counselors are putting into the song is pretty silly, but I honestly feel a little inspired by it. I try to let all the social norms that restrict me melt away, and to just enjoy the song and the environment in that moment. I feel like I could really become a part of this community.

After a few more songs, it’s around 9 AM, and the counselors yell out, “LET'S GO PLAY!” to signal the end of the friendship circle and the start of the camp day. Campers run out from the circle and to their groups around the room like moths to a bright streetlight, and begin putting on their backpacks. The counselors from the circle walk over to their groups, and I make my way over to the group I had been assigned to in an email the previous day, the 8-year-olds.

Now in the area designated for 8-year-olds, I introduce myself to the counselor and the other junior counselors around me, and that sense of community I had felt in the friendship circle continued developing and growing stronger. We line our campers up and leave the gym to head to our first activity of the day, and as I walk through the campus once again it brings me back to how I felt as a child in the camp, that sense of carelessness and happiness that I had so loved and missed washing over me once more.

The rest of the day goes great, I socialize and laugh at the silliness of many of the young campers and make some new friends with other junior counselors my age. The only nagging issue was that of my horrible allergies, which were bothering me all day long. Every 30 minutes would be interrupted by a violent sneeze or three that would shake me up for a spell, but I have always had bad pollen allergies, so I dismiss it. At around 4 pm, the whole camp ends up back in the gym, and we have another friendship circle to end the day. This time, I know some of the songs, and am able to sing it with my junior counselor friends. The last year and a half, with quarantine and covid and everything, has been very stressful and overwhelming. Seeing the kids so happy and carefree reminds me that it is possible for me to feel the same way. I can’t help but smile at the thought.

After most of the campers have been picked up, my Mom arrives to come take me back home. The whole car ride, I don’t stop talking even once about how much I had enjoyed my day and how excited I am to be a part of the camp again. It makes me so happy to think that it was somehow only the first day of the summer, and that I have 2 more months of days like this left. As we pull into the driveway, I mention to my mom my pestering allergies and how they were unable to ruin my day, with a conveniently timed spine-chilling sneeze accompanying the statement. My mom looks at me with an apprehensive look, and we get out of the car and go inside.

My mom has me take a Covid test. “It’s just allergies, Mom.” I decide to take a shower. It's just normal allergies. It has to be. The warm water slowly turns scalding as I slowly start to question myself. "It's just allergies, right Zach?" I finally get out and sprint to my room. 

It's not allergies. On my desk, two red lines, the gates to my own personal hell.