The world shrinks around me, mysteries once marveled upon disappear. Forever gone in the sea of new perspective. Complications of a crazy mind, drunk with sorrow, booze, and confusion. This affects me. Also the stable, slower, reliable mind. Ever present, ready to help. Firm. But not wild. Not crazed. Fizzled out? Or simply well learned? It is my choice. Forever will be. Discontentment reeks on the shoes of the wanderer, his feet never planted long enough to feel safe. Yet does he have more fulfillment than the settler? The one who takes what he has in a simple manner and plots no revenge, thinks no fantasies? Drinks nothing stronger than sparklies? Confusion is upon me. Like a dark night it presses. My brother is not happy. Has not been. His search is ever present, his will ever turned.

People. People are the world, and those you meet define you. So then is it in other places I must take my development? Why must I focus so much upon that development? Am I afraid of how others have f***ed up? Or am I simply an intelligent mind seeking a firm hold. I am realistic. I am someone who likes dependability. I am one who wants love. One who wants people. To like people. To get along. I don’t criticize often on my own will. I am a true peacemaker. Or was. What is it to be one who seeks peace, when ones mind is ever in turmoil? Should I pursue the crazes of my older, miscreant brother? The one I admire and worship more than jesus christ? The one whom i would do almost anything for? I wish to be with him. To speak with him. To drink with him. To hunt women with him. He is an idol. And forever will be. The man is change. The man is a wandering spirit in its truest form.

No. I will visit the man. Have a blast. But I shall not give my life to his cause. I have my own cause. A fuddled one. One with no purpose. But I must have a base. Like everyone else in this world. I must pay bills. I must live on my own, but comfortably. I wish to see my young buddy into the world. To help him see the earth as it is.

Thought evolves, wanders., jumps over fences and through glades of fire. My fate is in my own hands. I know what I wish to do. I have a method to do it. No. I will not stay in stickville. But I shall not abandon those that i know. Never have I been one to do that. It is not the persona of sam. To do so would to be an abandonment of my self. I have a weird sense of honor. My greatest teacher and upbringer was a man named Brian Jacques. It is his lessons that drive me. His ideas that thrill through me. The lessons to the blind. The lessons of a decent man.

Life is no complication. No problem to be solved. No pain to be suffered. No god damn cross to be carried. Life is an experience of a unique proportion. It is a random gift. Given to only a few. Use it. Make use of your own insights, only use those of others when it benefits you to do so. You are not f***ed in the head. Your life has been different. I wish to build. I wish to make. I wish to love what I make. To share it. To revel in the minds of others. No mind is to be scoffed. Each is a development of society. The great gathering of minds in one large pot of steam and boiling heat.

Each man chooses his own vision. His own vision on life, on the people around him. How can one defy the humanity present in each? No bullshit religious ideas. Each man has his opportunity towards true humanity. He only must have the proper influence to grab it. Grab it. Shake it. Destroy it. Build it again. F*** yourself up. This is life. Rip tear build care destroy trust hold throw believe kill die. It is an evolution of man. Be the evolution. Be the man. Just f***ing live. Questions destroy the mind, rot it away like some ancient disease in the marrow of mankind. Accept the idea of questions, embrace them as necessities. But do not be ruled by your unsure querying. It is easy to let it consume you. Do not let it. Do not let anything twist you away from grasping as much as you can from life. Chains are built by the prisoner. Weighing him down more and more. Before he can realize it, his freedoms kill him. Ruining the life he had, wasting the gift. Do not waste it. Not everyone gets it.