I can still feel the cold and frail skin of Grandpas’ hand clenching mine. It was the end of November when my family and I were sitting in a hospital room awaiting a doctor’s diagnosis. My Gramps was an 82 year old, 100% Italian man with a heart as big as all outdoors. He had felt sick for a couple months up to this point, but with each medical appointment he received no answers. We figured maybe it was his Parkinson’s medication, or just a silly cold gone haywire, but we were nowhere near prepared for the truth. The nurse walked in and greeted all of us; my mother, uncle, grandma and I. And then she cut straight to the chase.

She said to us that my grandpa has stage 4 lung cancer that has already spread to his bones and other areas. She also then proceeded to explain that he would only have months to live with treatment, but less time without. His grip on my hand strengthened and I watched my grandmas’ heart sink to the floor. Karen Hopkins wrote, “It was strange how in that moment of tragedy, it had seemed so unreal, like an old-fashioned movie reel playing on a screen for my eyes only. The pain and broken heart were blocked off for a little while, leaving me numb with disbelief.” And that’s exactly how I felt. Losing all sense of feeling, we instantly began to break down. The doctor kindly gave her blessings as well as a minute to talk about our next move. With no hesitation, my grandpa instantly said “No treatment!” We were all so enraged as soon as those words spewed out of his mouth. I remember thinking “how could you just give up and let us all go?!” But I knew better than to challenge him. Being the hot headed Italian he was, there was no sense in even trying to change his mind.

Time went on, and those few months passed at high-speed. I spent as much time with my grandpa as I could, and had planned on visiting him the upcoming Thursday. At that point in time, I was ridiculously busy and stressed. I had little to no free time, and when I did I used it to rest up or hang out with friends. Between picking up extra hours at work, extracurricular activities, and keeping up with my straight A’s, it didn’t leave me a lot of time to spend with the people I truly loved. Little did I know that on Thursday, I wouldn’t even get to see him. We got a call from my grandma bright and early at 5:30 in the morning, and I automatically knew something was wrong. She told us my grandpa had passed in his sleep and the tears instantly began rushing down my face. I was distraught not only at the loss of my grandpa, but even at myself for not making enough time to say goodbye. Days went by, and then weeks, and months, and the tight knit relationships in my family grew even stronger. Instead of sobbing over the past and remembering the painful struggles- our family nights began to be filled with laughter, and sharing our best memories of Grandpa. Being around my Grandma especially makes me feel like he’s still here. I know that we buried my Grandpa on February 14h 2012, but I am even more certain that he’s been here with me wherever I’ve gone and will continue to go.

Talking with my Grandma reassures me that this isn’t something I need to continue to be sad about. She tells me about her and Grandpa’s conversations they had before he passed. He talked about his life, his dreams, and all that he wished to accomplish. In those telling and meaningful conversations, he finally explained why he didn’t need to fight this cancer. My grandpa reassured her as well as the rest of us that he had obtained all that he could have ever asked for. He got to spend 57 years with the love of his life, and endure the joys of his own beautiful family. He knew we were all strong enough, and he knew that going through all the suffering wasn’t worth it. It was at that moment where I stopped being upset with him, and realized he was right. He didn’t need to do chemo or radiation; all he wanted to do was bask in the love of his family for as long as he could.

To this day, I regret not getting the chance to tell him how much I loved him, and all the special things I remember from throughout the years. But my grandpa taught me a lesson that I would never get from any book I was studying or any class I was taking. He showed me that family is the most important thing anybody in this entire world could have. The love of a family outweighs any degree you’ll receive, or any amount of money in the world. 2012 continued to be a sucky year from that point on with financial issues, family stress, and all. But looking back on it a year later... I’ve realized that sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom before you can get back up. And in doing so, I finally understand the importance of family. They are the only ones there when you reach breaking point, and they are also the only ones I can think of spending my happiest days with. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason, and I think these are the things my Grandpa wanted to teach me before he died. He may not be here, but I know that he senses how much I love him. I can feel it in my heart. I may not have everything I want in life-but I do have all that I will ever need to make my life complete: my family.