I remember the time when I was nine years old, I was and still am an organized person. Neat but never dirty. I always planned things ahead of time, too much things of course. Back then I always imagined having the best quince party ever., having that one big puffy dress and wearing a shiny corona that had bright white diamonds surrounding it all over. I know I was only nine but I was indeed looking forward to turning fifteen. I bothered my Mami constantly by blabbering to her about that huge cake I dreamed of and also that big puffy dress. But the best thing about turning quince was that the quinceañera got to dance the waltz with her beloved father. I was really hoping to get that wonderful moment with my Papi. I looked for a dress that will capture my attention, and I actually found it. During those times I use to always watch “Quiero Mis Quinces” on MTV3’s. That show always helped me get ideas and prepare myself for what I wll soon be going through. The big entrance, the short mini version of dancing with the chambelanes, the surprise dance. And also the father and daughter dance. That show always had episodes and episodes of girls that struggled while trying to plan they’re quince’s, and I just wished I wouldn’t have to struggle like they did. If there were to be so much to plan, I don’t think there should be any time to struggle and panic at all. If a teen were to have her quinceañera, it’d probably be because of some certain reason.

I am now quince and i’m looking back to how I imagined everything ought to be. But things don’t always go as planned. My mom said she’ll do it for me if I wanted, but me on the other hand once I turned thirteen I didn’t even mention about having one. I decided by myself that I definitely did not need one. It was completely useless and absurd to waste so much money on a party that will only last one night. With all that money I could buy myself a Macbook Pro, that’ll last longer than a party. Obviously i’m right. My mom wants me to have one because when she was fifteen she didn’t get to have it. Instead of having a quinceañera, she had a baby shower for her first born. Which is me of course, but other than that my job was to please my mother. My grandma told me “Tu mama no tuvo uno, pero le significara algo muy especial si tu lo tuvieras ”, my mom didn’t have one, but it’ll mean something special to her if I did. I didn’t want to disappoint my mom by telling her I didn’t want any sort of party, with all my family members showing up. I don’t need them to know i’m turning quince. It’s really nothing important or special. But for them it obviously is. I remember when my cousin the eldest had hers but she didn’t actually want it, she only had it because she wanted to please my grandma and her mom. She really isn’t that sort of person to wear a dress or skirts or anything fancy, all the elder girls in the family hate dressing classy and decent unless if its something that we’ll have to wear in the future for our future job. So its April 18, 2013, only three days left until my birthday is finally here. And boy was my mom freaking out, I was just one calm cookie looking at her how she was struggling. I thought i’d be the one doing that but it didn’t turn out that way, now did it ? Now let me take you to April 20, 2013, my birthday is finally here but I wasn’t so excited. I was a very exhausted person who had no idea what the hell was going on today. I woke up because I felt someone coming in my room and then I felt the person come near me, surprising that the person I found that leaned over me was my Mami. She scared the demons out of me, not really. But I definitely didn’t expect to find my mom waking me up the way she did, she was going to kiss me on my forehead but it was a total disaster because I woke up at the very moment when she was about to. My mom was like “Happy Birthday Quinceanera !”, I was going to respond but then I just ducked under my blankets.

The rest of my day was pretty much boring and cold, the door of my house kept opening and closing because my family kept coming and going. Everyone was so busy, that I guess they all forgot what I wanted. Everything they were doing was to make me feel special, but I didn’t feel that way. I told them that all I wanted was money and technology, they don’t need to waste money on catering and a damn decent dress that i’ll only feel like wearing for about 25 minutes and then throw on my sweatpants. But they just don’t seem to care about what I want, I mean like c’mon it’s my birthday for Christ sake. Later that day when all my family was in the kitchen they called me over and all they had to say was simply criticism. Every single time there’s always that one person in my family who makes everyone just simply judge someone on their so called special day. I was so frustrated I just started saying stuff that I didn’t really mean. But everything I said I knew hit them straight in the heart and shut them up for good, after all the arguments they kept going at it. If they want to celebrate they can, but I was definitely not going to stay there and watch them enjoy themselves. I might as well go have fun since its my birthday. They noticed I left once my little brother told them I had walked out the door. I went to spend my birthday with one of my dearest friends from back in the days, it was nice knowing that I still have one of my childhood best friends around in my life.

It was dark when I returned home and thank god it was quiet and empty, “I can finally sleep in harmony” is what I thought. My mother was inside the room getting ready, so i’m guessing they’re still celebrating. I just snuggled in my bed and fell asleep for what felt like four hours which was only about 25 minutes in reality. I was completely avoiding them, but I guess they didn’t noticed I wanted to be alone. My family is very judgmental, whatever the hell you wear they always have something to say. Even if your doing good in school they’ll just insult you and bring up bullshit. I thought my birthday was going to be way better than what it was now. They were going to mass and woke me up telling me to get ready so I did, I dressed in my jeans and simple white shirt. They got so mad at me, that I just started laughing in their faces. They thought I cared, I told them clearly I don’t need no blessing for turning fifteen. I’m the type of person that doesn’t feel welcomed to enter the house of god. No matter the occasion I was never attending church, not even if my mother decided to marry. So it was time to cut that huge ugly looking cake, I just wanted to smash it into every bodies face. But I didn’t, instead I just insulted them and everything they were doing on such a meaningless day. Gosh I felt so powerful that day, everything I said hurt them. I don’t get what I want on my day, then i’ll definitely make it a day of living hell with me. Everything was all gone, everything. I finally went to bed, but then my mother showed up then my father then my grandma and then the whole entire pack of wolves came along. I’ve had enough of them for one entire damn day, all I wanted was sleep. But they couldn’t give me that. So I gave them s***.

Things don’t go as planned, so now of experiencing my fifteenth birthday, i don’t expect my sixteenth or the next after that one. All I expect to do is just sleep eat and sleep again, now that will be heaven.