I was sitting with my knees curled up to my face under the tall oak tree that towered the land just outside of the old wooden fence that surrounds our farm. The fence had bent rusted nails sticking out of it and had faded to a gray color; The criss-cross planks gave it character. Sitting on the cold bitter snow, alone, my scarf that plastered my brown dried out hair to my neck brushes against the rough bark of the tree as the wind screams past me. I wrap my flimsy arms around my shoulders and shutter, tugging on my fur insulated gray jacket to try to stay warm. I feel a slight chill go down my spine and shiver away the regrets of losing everything. My black converse get swallowed by the winter snow and my feet go numb. I lean back against the wide rippled trunk and close my eyes.

This is a story I don't like to tell, how I lost everything that ever mattered to me. my friends, family, my passion for writing, Its all gone. My boyfriend cheats on me, my best friend and ex go out, all my friends take her side. I lose my passion to write, Then what? What's my reason for living?

My pink cold nose takes in the smell of the dry air. Stinging my nose as I take shallow breaths, my nose hairs stand up and freeze over, Shifting ever so slightly. It is so peaceful here, under the tree, away from everyone, everything…

I thought the school board was anti-bullying or anti-hazing. They aren't doing anything about it, I said I don't feel safe in the school. Do they not believe me? She can't get away with this again, I've seen her do it to too many people.

The pain in my chest grew large, I could feel the stress on my heart. The hard pressure revealed a single tear in my eye. The salty drop of regret seeped through my close eyelid, and made its way down my cheek, through the pores on my face. It cruver its way around the edge of my dried out upper lip and to the bony structure of my chin. The tear was warm as it rolled down my cheek and left a streak on the side of my face that chilled over. As the tear arrived to the point of my chin it waved back and forth, teasing to fall off. The big swift movement of my arm pushed cold air up onto my face as my rough cotton sleeve wiped away the frozen-over water line on my face. The tear had dropped, it made its way to the cold snowy oasis. Its journey on my face came to an end. I can only imagine the freedom of the tear, not being tied down to something, not having regrets. But only imagining it isn't enough. My heart craves more. I want to be able to say that I have felt that freedom, I did it! I accomplish the impossible.

They would point and laugh, calling me skank! Skank! Skank! Skank! Skank! As she pass, she give me dirty looks. They wait for me at the top of the staircase, just to publicly threaten me, “I’ll kick your ass” . I've told the principal, he doesn't care though. He says I have to wait for more, like thats not enough to be written up for. What is he waiting for? Me to come to him with a black eye or broken bone? Would that be enough to just write them up?

My arm goes limp beside me hitting the dense snow as I lift my crusted over eyelids. I imagine myself smiling watching the bright blue sky turn to a canvas of orange, red and yellow. My fingertips were still, and they stung with a pain that felt good. I could feel warmth swarm over my body, from my toes to the tips of my hair. The sky dimmed more and more over the few minutes that passed by. I felt apart of the tree, like we grew closer. I felt like I was apart of something new, like I had a meaning. I knew what this meant, who I would hurt, who would miss me and who wouldn't. But I was okay with it all, I had thought it over and made my decision. My heartbeat slowed down, I could almost touch freedom, it was so close. The sky was no longer dark, I had no worries. I was no longer tied down to anything or anyone. I was free, just like my tear.