Eyeliner was always a battle with my mother and me during my middle school years. She sided with the idea that “less is more,” while I thought eyeliner was the answer to everything. The more hectic my life became, the more I clung to my black Maybelline pencil. Looking back now I see where she was coming from. A 12 year old does look ridiculous with as much makeup as a 16 year old, but I do not regret my infamous “eyeliner phase" one bit. Wearing a lot of eyeliner at a young age taught me a surprising amount.

As an insecure middle school student, being judged by others was difficult. My classmates, friends, extended family and even my mother judged me for my overuse of eye makeup. My mother hated everything about me wearing makeup. She hated that I never took it off before I went to bed, she hated how people mistook me for a 17 year old with it on, and she hated how it ran down my face during sports practices. My parent’s made many attempts to stop me from wearing so much eyeliner. When I was going into eighth grade I made a deal with them that I could get a second piercing if I stopped with the heavy use of eye makeup. After much deliberating I agreed, but being my stubborn self their rule only made me want to go against it more. I carried my eyeliner with me everyday to school, and ended up with even more on then before.

Although I continued to wear eye makeup after countless pleas to stop, I constantly searched for other people’s approval. I wore myself out trying to explain that my eye makeup shouldn’t have to define me, but it continued to be a struggle. In seventh grade a website called “three words” surfaced. The idea was to submit, either anonymously or not, three words or phrases describing the person the page belonged to. Like any of these websites, it started off as harmless. But I began getting anonymous submissions that weren’t so great. I was able to brush off most of the vicious comments until I received one saying, “wears too much makeup.” It surprised me, at the time, how hard I took it. I came to the realization the idea of people hating something I loved so much, troubled me.

What stays with me today is the fact that despite people’s efforts to put me down, I never once stopped drawing black onto my eyes. I had always wanted to be someone that stayed true to herself, whether or not people liked it. Without even knowing it I did just that. I’m as strong as I am today because I kept putting on my eyeliner.