He's lying flat on the porch. I walk over and stop above him. His eyes had been closed but now opened as I knelt over him.
"Look what the cat brought in." I say as I lean down and kiss his nose. He makes a humming sound in the back of his throat.
"The cat sure has good taste." He muses and I scoff. I roll my eyes but smile. How long has it been, how long have I been waiting to take place in this affectionate banter with him?
My hair is coming loose, due to a cursed factor we commonly refer to as gravity. I lift a hand to brush it behind my ear and his rises to my cheeks.
He starts with just moving his fingers over my skin, a ghost of a touch here and there- just enough to get my skin tingly.
His thumb rubs over my cheekbone and then he cups his hand and I lean so that he holds my face. I close my eyes to savor the closeness, but darkness ruins the mood so I open them again and my eyes find his. His smile is so genuine, so pure, so innocent that I almost feel like a sinner for desiring it.
I am unclean. I know that and yet I still want so badly to stay beside him. I want this, despite knowing full well how much better he deserves.
I feel dirty, and if I connect with him it will do nothing but tarnish his beauty.
While shame is threatening to overtake me he makes the decision for me.
He cranes his neck up and then we are connected and I remember why I want this so badly. I remember that he knows that side of me. He knows and he doesn't care. He looks at me and he sees past what I've done.
No one else can do that. No one else can make me feel this way, so safe, so absolutely certain that this is where I'm meant to be. I am not clean and that is not okay. But with him I want to be better. I want to be someone worthy to stay at his side. I want his kisses, his hugs, his smiles and laughs and kindness. I want him, no one but him.