The Old Notebook | Teen Ink

The Old Notebook

March 5, 2014
By KarmaWaykes BRONZE, Buckfield, Maine
KarmaWaykes BRONZE, Buckfield, Maine
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never give up your life, because it's yours may be the one to discovering the cure to cancer or may establish world peace. Everyone's life is important, and everyone should be there to see themselves succeed.


I guess the world is different than it used to be, I live in the stories I read and write. I am a character in the movies or TV shows I watch. Just because reality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I guess you could say that I just haven’t lived outside of my imagination, and honestly I have tried hard not to when I’m at home. I live in planets far from Earth and further from my problems then some might consider necessary. People who try to drag me back to earth get a smile that is a frown in disguise. It is literally in disguise. It takes 12 muscles to smile, only 11 to frown...sometimes I wonder if there will be a time that I just stop smiling entirely. I am that person that eventually, maybe slowly, but surely gets replaced. Other girls talk of the boyfriends they have had that reach to the double digits, I talk about the friends I’ve had in my life that barely reach a dozen. I’ve thought about it, you know? Dying...wondering if anyone would care. At first I thought it was a one time thing that those urges would arise, then a year later (exactly a year) they resurfaced. It really isn’t something you’d expect from an honors student teenager, but it’s there nonetheless.

It was tempting at first, there were a hundred ways I could have done it. I listed every single way, every single person who wouldn’t care, every single reason...it took up all of 13 pages in an old notebook. Page by page painstakingly writing a name, a reason and a way.

A name. A reason. A way.

I am a high schooler, I am not popular, I’m not looking for a pity party. Then I received my SAT Prep scores, and I found an old deck of cards. The results of my test was 99%, 97% and 98%, for math, reading, and writing. I learned magic and went around to show the tricks at school, the reactions I got made me genuinely happy. I started laughing and smiling again. I found new reason to live, my cards and my mind. I swear I will become somebody, if not for me than for everyone who tried to bring me down. I will not allow you to win. I will succeed, and I will make sure you remember my name and be proud that you knew me.

I promise.

Oh, and I burned that old notebook :)


The author's comments:
I have been and am succeeding in getting rid of my depression. I am not looking for people to pity me, I just hope that other people see this, read it, and smile.

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