Friendship is a give and take: how much can your heart give?

In my mind, I keep chasing after you, calling your name, sitting next to you in gym class. All because I thought we were friends. I want to think we are friends, but I don’t want to be delusional. I don’t want to fabricate a story where we’re the deadly duo, able to take on anything together, when in reality it’s just been a cat and mouse game.

We used to talk every class period we had together. I still talk, but you don’t reply. When I called your name yesterday you just kept on walking out and speed up to catch up with someone else. During volleyball I saw how you were going to grab another ball to join another group when the coach asked us to triple up. I guess you’ve moved on from our usual group of three, haven’t you. Or are you just trying to shut us out?

Please don’t.

I don’t want to lose another friend. I have enough conversations in my mind with the friends I’m not talking to anymore. There was a girl, my old best friend, who ignored me once middle school started…and I didn’t fight hard enough for her. I just stopped talking to her as well. This year, she moved to Germany and I had no idea. I never said bye.

So I’m going to try fighting for you to let me in. But I want to know if our friendship is worth it. Do you want to be friends as much as I do? Or will I just be an annoying, desperate girl trying to chase after someone who will never accept me as her friend?

What did I do wrong? And the more important question…how can I be let back in? How can I return to being your friend (and are you still mine)?

I'm willing to give it my all, so now it's just up to you.