There are some things in life that aren’t solidly black and white, they are more like a fluid grey liquid that can move either way.

They say love is something you either now or you don’t. They also say you don’t always know when you are in love until you risk losing it.

I am not sure who all these ‘they’s are, but there are a lot of opinions out there that I am not sure whether to believe or not.
It’s a shame that there isn’t a search engine that you can plug your problems into and you find the perfect extensive explanation on how to deal with it.

There comes a point where you have to give up because the answer is either going to smack you in the face or it isn’t going it come at all.
I say this as I sit in bed, staring at a phone with messages from all sorts of people. I’ve got my boyfriend, and my best friends, and my parents and then someone who I don’t exactly know how to label anymore.
That sounds suspicious i know, but why deny it? I don’t know how to label someone I am somewhat close with. What does that say about our relationship?

My boyfriend and I were made for each other. Or so my mother says every time she is making fun of us. I have this thing about soul mates, and I say that it’s really someone you share your soul with and they share part of theirs too. You reveal yourself to them in a way you've never revealed yourself to anyone else. You can have more than one soul mate you can have many soulmates. My boyfriend is my soulmate because there won't be one person who comes around in your life that you do this to. He knows all my little quirks, and how I like my coffee, and that I only eat mayonnaise with my fries and avocado mayo with my chicken zingers, and that even though I hate his dumb video game on his phone I downloaded it just for him.  He knows how much I love neck kisses and how sometimes we can only hold pinkies in public. I deal with his craziness and he deals with mine.

He knows me and I know him.

So why is there a person in my life that I can’t label? It’s a question I keep asking myself.

Another one I throw into the mix is, why is my boyfriend okay with the fact that there is someone I can’t label? He knows and he has shoved it into the closet amongst the many other things he does not care about.
Although this is an important question, it is one that I can not answer. It’s one my boyfriend can only answer with, “I love you baby, and that is that.”

I can tell you that I am not one of the people who says that you don’t know when you love someone for sure.

I know, I love my boyfriend.

But then there is this un-“label”-able person in my life, and I am not sure where that goes into the file cabinet that holds the information of my life.
What does it mean when you start thinking about someone else, especially one not worth your time? That is a question I’d like to type into a search engine and get advice on.

Where do I put him? Does he even deserve to belong in there at all?

Honestly, it is a stupid debate to have. I feel like some sort of miscreant for even thinking it’s worth thinking about. Meanwhile I am waiting for the moment he texts back, because he is texting me, just in the same manner I wait for my boyfriends texts. That should be indicative of something, or maybe it shouldn’t be and everything that I ever think is completely and totally just in my mind nothing more nothing less. I might totally be fabricated the fact that this boy can’t be labeled. That could mean nothing.

But then again, it would be preferable to figure something out so that I don’t have this pit in my stomach like I am doing something wrong. I’d rather not be questioning every emotionally based decision I make from here on forward because I couldn’t figure out how to label a damn boy.