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Hands Like Fire
It burned. My skin felt like it was lit up in flames. Those torched fingers trailed their way up my leg, creating a fever in the already humid theater. This isn’t what I had wanted, this was never what I had wanted. He had seemed so nice, but maybe I hadn’t realised that he was too kind, that there was a mask covering his face at all times. He was popular, but I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he was popular with the wrong crowd. Maybe I should have been. It would have been easier if I had ignored him. Ignored the feelings that engulfed my heart whenever he was around. Then again, maybe he wasn’t like that, it was just his friend, Tyler. A friend who seemed to find hilarity in my conflict. What did he gain from my suffering? How does one confront someone about something like this? I couldn’t bring myself to speak up about my distress, so it continued. The fingers trailed higher, scorching their path. Marking it permanently as if to say, “Stay away, this one’s mine.” I was petrified, unsettled, too scared to speak out. Out of all my friends, no one had noticed a thing. Why was I expecting them to? They weren’t here to help me with a problem that hadn’t even crossed anyone's minds as a possibility.
“Is this okay?” He spoke calmly into my ear. How could he ask such a thing? Was he really that oblivious to my discomfort, my developing distrust? I turned my head to look at him, I could see the question written across his face. He didn’t really care, he wanted an answer. He wanted me to say yes.
“No.” I whispered, my voice trembling beyond belief.
“No, this isn’t okay.” I stood suddenly. With all my friends looking at me, mouths gaping wide, I left the theater. My legs shook and my stomach was ready to get rid of all it’s contents. I ran over to the tea shop next door faster than I had ever ran in gym class. I felt so out of it, the burning heat of where his fingers lingered keeping me warm in the brisk November air. I probably looked so odd running into the shop, collapsing into one of the worn out couches, breathing heavily as I tried to calm my racing mind. A few moments later, my close friends came trailing into the shop. Daniela stopped in front of me, her fiery orange hair blocking the stares of the others in the shop.
“We yelled at him a bit, don’t worry. If he follows, we’ll kick him out.” Her words were like a blanket around me, it was comforting to have someone care. Ayana sat down next to me trying to calm my rapid breathing as Daniela casually waltzed up to the counter to order some warm drinks. I was panicky at first, but after getting a better look around the shop, it was actually quite comfortable. The air was warm, people were laughing with their significant others, the brick walls and old leather couches reminded me of my grandmother’s house. Daniela came back with steaming cups of hot coco, and moved to sit on my left. The chocolate drink burned my tongue but I couldn’t feel it.
“Oh god, what is he doing here?” Ayana whispered harshly. I turned my head to look out the side window and saw John, his friend Tyler and Nathaniel walking towards the shop. Nathaniel stopped and said something to John and Tyler and continued walking to the shop without them. As Nathaniel walked through the front door and made his way over to us, the tension between us and him grew.
“Look, I’m here to apologize for him and to say I’m on your side in this.” He sat on the couch across from us, careful not to upset me any further than I already was. I was grateful for that, if John couldn’t see the trauma he caused, at least Nathaniel could.
“He’s an idiot and unfortunately, as sorry as he’s trying to come across, I don’t think he’s all that sorry.” Nathaniel stated. It was something that had crossed all our minds, that he might not regret something that would scar me forever. That he didn’t even realise that it was going to scar me forever.
“I’m not going to lie and say it’s okay,” I said in a hushed tone,“It definitely isn’t okay what he did and I won’t justify it in anyway. But if he doesn’t feel sorry about it, I can’t just go and force an apology out of him. That's not how it works. And it’s going to take a very long time, but I’ll be fine. One day I’ll have someone I actually love that doesn’t treat me like he did and I won’t be as bothered by the trust issues this caused.” I looked up at my friends, breathed in deeply and smiled weakly
“Thanks you guys.”
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