There are many things in this world that terrify. I was a weak child when it came to showing my brave side, I became terrified of the dark from just a song on a CD. I still remember the cover, a young boy standing frozen in fear while monsters creeped out of every dark space in his room. Since then, sound and song have been the things that stick with me the longest.

When I was older, I tried to break open the glass case around the fear. I attempted to smother it with a blanket of rationality, but my luck was slim, and I still find myself paralyzed at noises in the darkness.

This process, the attempt to break fear and become brave, unafraid of what I knew wasn’t real, became a cycle where I would stupidly combat my fears with things that would scare me more. Every time, the blanket would be burned through, the fear escaping through the hole and filling my lungs. Like laughing gas, the engulfing smoke of fear seems to trigger an opposite effect in me; not preventing, but encouraging screams.
Yet, I try again and again. I force myself to watch horror movies with gruesome scenes of dismemberment, play terrifying games or watch them played by others, then experience the inability to move after I’m done. Encompassing is the word that I would use to describe my fears; they seem to stop or start me in different directions in my life, encouraging me to go forward or back based on my surroundings and situations.

I’m afraid of mannequins, heights, darkness, and smooth jazz music. I love being scared, I go to Frightworld in October, I watch scary movies and play scary games with friends, I read every story that says “horrifying but true,” and I listen to music that weaves stories of monsters or ferocious killers. So, then, what am I? I’d assume this is the paradox every horror lover goes through, “Why are we drawn to the things that terrify us most?” The thrill is fun, the adrenaline is a high that when adjusted to can be amazing and exhilarating, and coaxing those who don’t see fear the same way you do to explore it along with you can also be an adventure in itself.

The best summary? I love the things I fear most.