You know looking back on this, I kind of laugh a little, but, it honesty still scares me half to death. At the time I legit thought I was going to die. And if that isn’t enough it was on mine, and America’s, birthday, for me I was turning 10. But I was always a bit claustrophobic. This was a traumatizing event for me. I was in Albany, you know for the fireworks, and it, at this point was a tradition for my birthday. Meaning, every year, I did this with my family, never being affected by this phobia. After that day, I was 100% claustrophobic. And it changed a lot for me. Where I sat on the bus, if we even went to the festivities before the fireworks, even how I reacted to hide and seek hiding places.

Did you ever have the wind knocked out of you and never given back? That’s how this felt like.

We were heading over to the little area for all of the smaller kids, you know with all of the bounce houses and stuff; it’s sponsored by Price Chopper. And we were in a HUGE crowd. I thought this as normal, considering I almost always lived, and grew up, in a bustling city, so I was just waiting for everyone to move so we could get through. At one point though, I remember this vividly, I realized how close I was to complete strangers. As in, people I had never met in my entire life and know nothing about. Thoughts were running through my head, all for the hope I wouldn’t be taken from my mother. Then, I couldn’t breathe. Everything was closing in on me. My lungs were getting smaller it felt like. My breathing just kind of stopped. It was like something magically appeared in my windpipe. I started bawling because of this. I was looking for my mother, blurry eyed and hyperventilating, but I couldn’t see her.

That’s when all hell broke loose. I was screaming and crying for my mother as people pushed by me, giving me weird glares. My mom finally came into sight and she started to flip the frig out. I mean, who wouldn’t, seeing their daughter bawling and hyperventilating in the middle of a crowd in Albany? She picked me up. Oxygen wasn't flowing to my legs because of the hyperventilating, so I had lost feeling in them. She asked me what was wrong and I really couldn’t speak. So I said SOMETHING along the lines that I couldn’t breathe. After that something definitely changed in her look. She started screaming through the crowd and pushed through people trying to get through, not even telling my step father, who I had also lost in the crowd. Now I was flipping out screaming about him as my mom was screaming at the people to move.

Soon enough we got out of the crowd and we were in that kid’s area. My mom ended up handing me her sweatshirt to substitute for a paper bag, or some sort of bag, and my breathing slowed, I was breathing normal, somewhat. After a bit my step dad got there and my little brother was oblivious as always (then again he was 2 at the time so of course he didn’t understand any of it).

This was a life changing experience for me. Wouldn’t it be for you, being ten, not being able to see your mother, and especially not being able to breathe? I am actually having a hard time breathing right now just thinking about it. It was traumatizing for me. I now cannot be in the middle of group hugs, I barely have anywhere to hide for manhunt, or at the time it happened, hide n seek. It sucks being claustrophobic. I still remember in sixth grade I almost had a panic attack on the bus due to this stupid phobia. It’s like a box. Which is quite ironic because since I have claustrophobia I can’t be in a box. Another example of it being a stupid box…