Good Morning, my name is jessica but you like to call me Jess. I am the ‘big sister to two little siblings and I like to play soccer, I want to become a doctor and my hands are always cold. You tell me I’d fit right into the cold hand doctor category. It’s March 2, 2016. That picture on your nightstand? He’s your husband, he died four months ago, sometimes you remember him. He sounds wonderful. You were a nurse, remember? Your name is Alice and you like white roses and chocolate. Your favorite movie is ‘Footloose’, and depending on the day you either choose ‘Keep Me Close’ or ‘Kissing my Soldier Goodbye’ as your favorite book. Do you remember? Good Morning Alice, let me help you remember. You told me about your first love and how he always made you smile, and how he held your hand when you were scared. Tell me how you remember your first kiss and thee day you got married. YOu smile like your happy on the days that you remember. I remember you telling me of the day your daughter was born, and the day she turned 16. You ask me why Haylee never visits and I can’t tell you why because you have dementia and HADLEY got hit by a drunk driver years ago. YOur husband is buried next to her. So instead, I change the subject and ask if you were ever in love again and you told me yes and that he broke your heart, it was your first heartbreak and that it hurt bad. YOu didn’t know that your heart could be broken into that many pieces and that something like that could make you feel so physically ill. So you became a nurse to make sure no one would have to feel that sick without a shoulder to lean on and all I could think is who even says ill anymore, but you do, you do Alice... and I get it. Sick is just so choppy and uncomfortable to say but ill rolls right off your tongue smoother and you say I ought to get used to saying it if I want to become a doctor because sick will stick to your tongue and you won’t be able to tell a child’s parents that they are very sick and might die if sick gets stuck to your tongue so I say ill. Somedays you remember the lives you couldn’t save, and some days you don’t remember at all, so I tell you about me. I told you that my name is Jessica Nichole and you said Jessica was too long and wondered if it might be alright if you just call me Jess? On the days you can’t remember I sit and hold your hand, we called those, ‘The dark days’ and somedays you just couldn’t manage so I’d bring you roses or chocolate and you’d say ‘I loved white roses I think’ and on the days you can’t think of something to say I give you something to listen to. I tell you how I love english and how much I like to write. I tell you stories of my sister, you seem to like her because she reminds you of your daughter. Sometimes I tell you stories about my mom and dad and you tell me their not as awful as I think. Most days I tell you my goals and dreams and how I want to be a doctor, emergency responding surgical. I want to be successful and happy and have a family to call me own. ‘Steady hands and a big heart’ you’d say, ‘Looks like you're on the right path.’ Alice somedays you can’t get out of bed so I have to so I can come sit with you. Your frail bones make room for me on the bed sometimes, but sometimes I’m just a stranger who sits in the old recliner in the corner. I read you lots of Hemingway and we watch ‘Footloose’ every other day and I wonder how if you can remember the words to all the songs, how come you can’t remember Hadley or Jim? How come you can’t remember your phone number or your old address? Alice why can’t you remember what you ate for breakfast, or your childhood best friend... who died from cancer? On the dark days Alice I tell you about me and you asked me to tell you something sad, so I tell you about my aunt who died from cancer, and how I felt like a part of me died with her. I tell you about how my best friend moved away when I was little and how everyday after that I’d have panic attack because I didn’t have ‘My Person’. Some days Alice I tell you that I’m sad that I’m sad and that I just want to be happy and you tell me that I seem happy so I read to you, but I got tired of reading you Hemmingway so I read you things I wrote. I read to you about my aunt saying and me counting her away. I read to you about the boy who broke my heart and made me feel unlovable, and you smile. Heartbreak is happy because it gives you something better than you ever could’ve hoped for, or at least that’s what you said. I read you a story about the girl with pink nails and the boy who broke her heart by not being strong enough to live, and you told me that now you know I am sad but that it is ok, because even the happiest people are allowed to be sad. Today I am just a stranger in the recliner. My name is Jessica but you like to call me Jess. goodnight Alice, now I know why you like to forget.