One of the greatest obstacles I face daily is my nut allergy. While this sounds like a problem with no solution, the real issue is not the allergy itself, but the way I cope with it.

There are times when I feel as though I shouldn’t even ask if nuts are an ingredient, and just take a big bite of the delectable cake in front of me. It looks like a harmless piece of heaven; hidden inside, however, may be tiny shark teeth, ready to bite me the second I let them into my mouth. I remind myself of the consequences of one small bite. Is it worth having my throat close up and not being able to breathe? Never. My goal at the end of every day is survival, and I refuse to let myself be a victim to a villainous piece of chocolate cake, despite the temptation of its gooey exterior. One lapse of diligence could send me into anaphylactic shock.

Temptation doesn’t resonate directly with you when you’re younger, in part because you don’t get to make your own decisions. Imagine me, six years old, at a friend’s birthday party. I’m surrounded by glutinous little hands, leaving syrupy residue on pastel streamers and balloons. The air rings with goofy songs and with the flicker of a light, pairs of pigtails fly through the room, eager to cluster around a three-layer, chocolate ice cream cake. When you’re six years old, making a life or death choices is more difficult. Luckily mommy is there to ask if the slice in front of you contains nuts. With a heavy heart and slowly filling tear ducts, I watch as mommy’s well-manicured fingers kidnap my piece, like an eagle snatching its prey. I throw a fit, screaming that I want to be like all the other little girls, but Mommy is unmoved by my tantrum; my despair is far preferable to my death.

Now I’ve reached the age of my own glittery manicures and peach-flavored first kisses. Seven other girls sit around a rectangular table in Lululemon leggings and Adidas sneakers at Mezzaluna, chatting away about crushes and parties. A hushed silence falls over the table for a split second as the waiter appears holding a mouthwatering chocolate cake. After we sing “Happy Birthday” and the cake is cut, a thick slice is placed in front of me. As I stare at the mouthwatering dessert, I imagine how it would melt in my mouth, fudge frosting coating my tongue. The bittersweet smell of it makes my judgment waver. I bury my fork in the deep shades of brown. I quickly pull it out though, realizing of the mistake I could be making. My mind assesses the pros and cons; it argues back and forth as if there were a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. What if there are nuts in this cake? What if I eat it and stop breathing? Everyone’s eating it … I’m sure it’s fine. One bite won’t kill me, right? Wrong, one bite is all it takes.

I fix my gaze on the mouthwatering slice, this time envisioning it as my archenemy. I visualize myself swallowing a bite of walnut filled cake like surfing a sea of dark chocolate waves. Suddenly, shark teeth materialize, ready to sink into my tongue and cause my throat to close up. I immediately snap my focus from the treat in front of me.

I lust after something I know is dangerous, a force so irresistible that it gives me hasty justification for being governed by its power. I don’t think you entirely understand the notion of temptation until you’ve gouged your palms out with clawed nails trying to resist. Temptation is like the bad boy who wants you to desert your sensibility. A tiny portion of you understands that he will shatter your heart into a billion pieces one day, but you hold on to the optimism that for right now he is yours. He murmurs candy-coated promises in your ear, strategizing his way through your rampart of emotions in an attempt to steal away your intuition.

Maybe it’s just a piece of chocolate cake, but it takes all the restraint I can muster not to give in. I gently place my fork down beside the crumb-covered plate and turn to my friends, focusing on anything but the treat in front of me. Its bittersweet taunts won’t haunt me today. I’m forever battling with my arch enemy, but for today the score is 1-0.