Dear you, how’s it going? Where are you right now? Can you see me? Can you hear me? I think about you all the time. Day in and day out, 24/7, imagining what life would be like with you by my side. How can someone feel so attached to a person they never met?

March 31,2001. Our day had finally come and we were ready to show the world what we were made of, but at 4:57am, I was the only one to show. I ask myself the same question everyday; What if? I have so many questions that it’s ridiculous and I’ve been wondering if after sixteen years should still be upset about you. What would you look like? Would we have the same interests?  When will I see you again? Would we even like each other? Growing up without you has been tough and I’m starting to think that even if we didn’t like each other, I would still be grateful to have you as my twin.

Our older brother and sister are also twins. Seeing them together, bickering and arguing, laughing and forming a bond which only they knew over the years was something I always dreamed of doing with you. I was envious and for few years, I hated them for being them. When I was younger, I always had dreams that you would magically find your way back to me, but now I understand the reality of things. For a while I was upset with myself. Blaming myself for your passing which seemed to be just one my many stages of grieving.

March 31,2017. Sixteen years later and I still wish to share this day with you in person. I don’t think i’ll ever stop wondering what could’ve been and I hope that you’ll always be proud of me for I am now living life for the both of us. In honor of you, I promised myself that I wouldn’t take this life for granted. Although, in some ways I’m glad you don’t have to live in this place called home; a society full of confusion. I’m content with the fact that you’ll never have to experience what it’s like to have your heart broken, never feel out of place and you’ll never be in pain.

By now, I’ve taught myself how to just let go and accept that everything happens for a reason. This seems to be the easiest way to cope with things. As I reach adulthood, I will continue to cherish the time that I have knowing that it could be taken from me within a matter of seconds. I know we’ll never get to wear a cap and gown together, cheering each other on as we take turns walking across the stage, and you’ll never get to see me in a wedding dress on my special day or meet my first child. As cheesy as it sounds, I know I’ll always have you with me every step of the way through the good and the bad and I will always be proud to say I am your twin.