I stuffed the suit case with things I know I would actually use. I brought several changes of clothes, my debit and credit card,my cell, my notebook, a pocket knife and my I-pod. I loOKed back at the house sadly. I waved to it, as I walked away with my head held down. It started to drizzle, I licked the cool wet rain off of my lips. The cold wind bit the back of my neck, as I walked to the train station. By the tI'me I actually got to the train station it was mid afternoon probably around three. The station was completely empty, so I toOK out my pocket knife. I wanted to feel a different kind of pain, I toOK of my shirt. I held the blade against my ribs. The cold blade felt so good against my hot body. I held it up and counted to five. I slashed it from the top of my rib cage down to my belly button. I screamed in pain, as I saw the blood trickle down my side and onto the bench. I rolled over onto my side and held onto my ribs. It felt as if I had been stung by a thousand killer bees. You know how sometI'mes life is so bad you just want it to end? Well that's how it is for me everyday. Everyday I have to loOK at my brothers face, that so much resembles mom and dad. It literally kills me, slowly every day I'm killing myself. Such torture to stare into his eyes and say everything is going to be OK, when really nothing was ever "OK". I whI'mpered as I rocked back and forth on the bench clutching onto my side. I whipped out a gauze pad from my backpack. I sat up slightly, as I tried to put the gauze around my side. I threw back on my shirt, as I held my face in my hands. I let out a heavy sigh, as the wind screamed in my face and jostled my hair. I heard the train in a far away distance, it sounded like a cry, it was a cry for help. Funny how you perceive different things when you are severely depressed. I stood up as the train pulled into the station. I sighed lightly, as I kept my head down as I walked onto the train. I lifted my head up slightly to loOK for open seats. There was only one spot open, so I sat down. I was sitting across from a boy who didn't loOK much older than I, if I were to guess I say he was eighteen. He had brown choppy shabby hair that fell over his pale, milk like skin. He flinched as I sat down lifting his head up slightly, the back down. The person came around a few tI'mes to collect tickets. I handed the man my ticket tiredly. The boy began taping his foot, as he pulled out his I-pod and stuck the headphones into his ears forcefully. He sniffled a little bit, as he stared out of the window. The sun began to set down, as my lids grew heavy. I felt the train come to a halt, as the speakers blared out at us. "Attention riders we will be stopping for forty five minutes due to technical difficulties, thank you for riding with us". I whipped at my hair in my face, so I had forty five minutes to kill. Now what to do..? The kid made a jerking motion as he got up. "Want something to eat?" He asked, his voice was so smooth and inviting it almost made me want to wrap my arms around hI'm and just tell hI'm all of my secrets. I nodded awkwardly, as I stood up and followed hI'm out. We walked for a little bit until he spotted a local diner. He held the door open for me as we entered. It was an old fashion Diner, like from the one's you see in the 70's. Not my cup of tea, but for now it will work. A waitress came and toOK our orders, as we both stared at nothing in particular. "You have a name?" He asked sounding slightly amused by hI'mself. "Yea, Sebastian whats your name?" He loOKed at me up and down as if wondering if I was even worthy of knowing his name. He smirked playfully before responding " My names Sky" I laughed to myself quietly thinking who the hell would name there kid sky, maybe the ground? Well at least it loOKs like he came from there. I sat there awkwardly as I munched on my sandwich. "Where are you going Sky?" I asked not being able to hack one more second of awkwardness. "I'm not sure..where ever life takes me it takes me." Even though I meant where was the train taking hI'm, he had a good point. "Where are you going to Sebastian?" He asked sounding very nonchalant. "I'm loOKing for my brother, Riku" He nodded at me as if he understood the pain I was going through. "Why did he run away?" He asked being rather bold. "I know he ran away...but I'm not exactly sure why." He nodded his expression changing, I couldn't tell if it was sadness or anger it was kind of a mix in between. I sighed quietly as I checked the bill. Sky toOK it out of my hand as he smiled playfully. "It's on me." I smiled slightly blushing. He laughed as he saw me blush. "My my, what a smile you have there." I got up out of the booth, he held the door open for me again as we left. We began to walk back to the train station, as it began to drizzle. Sky grabbed my hand and began to run, as he laughed. We ran all the way to the train station hands locked.

Sky let go of my hand as he hunched over trying to catch his breath. "SmoKe?" I asked as I lit up my cigarette. He shooK his head,seeming slightly amused with me. He stood up straight, he was taller then I remembered nearly towering over me. The loud robotic voice blared "The train will be leaving in 10 minutes, We have resolved our problem thank you for riding with us" Sky arched an eyebrow as he eyed my tattoo on my arm. I laughed slightly as I loOKed back at my tattoo. It was a stupid idea to ever get it, all it does is raise questions. "Better get onto the train" I said awkwardly, not knowing what to talk about with him. He nodded, we both got back onto the train along with a few other people. A girl I had not recognized before sat across from us. She had olive skin color, that seemed to be glowing with hazel eyes. She smiled tiredly at both of us before she shoved in her headphones, and dozed off into sleep. Sky looKed out the window, as the train began to move again. I stared at the girl, making myself blush. She was so beautiful, like rays of sun. Sky soon feel asleep, he leaned his head on my shoulder. I honestly sort of like it, he kind of made me feel like he needed me. I stared at the dark, clouds growing larger and darker. There was thunder, that made me jump slightly. I loOKed to Sky, who was still deep in sleep. I let out a tiny sigh trying not to wake either of them up. Sky smiled in his sleep, it made me blush. I laughed to myself some man I am eh? The train came to another stop, a few people coming in on the stop then we left again. The girl had a journal in her lap. I was so very tempted to grab it, but what if she woKe up and saw me with it? I could just say it fell and I was about to put it back. I decided not to take her journal.She twitched in her sleep, which caused a bag to fall out of her pocket. I eyed it nervously, it was cocaine I knew it. Now this I could not resist but to pick it up. My hands were shaking and my head was pounding. I had not had cocaine in my body for two days. My dealer was out of town, and I didn't want to risk choosing a new one. I needed it in my body now! I jolted up not caring if Sky wOKe up. I ran to the bathroom with the bag. I made sure I locked the door behind me, twice then I tried to poured it out. My hands were shaking so bad that I couldn't even open the bag and pour it out. I bent down and plugged one nostril, and left the other one open. I heavily inhaled in one big breath all that I could. I leaned back on the wall sighing heavily. It felt so right, all of my problems seemed to dissolve into mid-air as I inhaled as deeply as I could. I sighed heavily, not thinking about anything at all. Nothing in the world could touch me. I smiled to myself googly as I stared at the wall, which seemed as if it was shifting into weird shapes. I laughed to myself like an idiot, someone violently pounded on the door. I jumped up, as I yelled "Just one minute!" I grabbed a paper towel and pushed all the rest of the cOKe down the sink being sure I got every last bit of it. I walked out of the bathroom, my head down not wanting the person to see my eyes. I sat back down in the same spot, Sky wasn't there and neither was the girl. I was alone, yet again. I sat down and stared out the window, as my eyes fooled me with funny object and colors. I got dizzy, as the train kept on making frequent stops to pick up and drop off. I dozed off into sleep, I don't know how long asleep I was but I know it was long enough for it to be a whole new day. I yawned as I stretched out my arms lazily. I was still to high to even pay attention to anything, the loud speakers made me jump as it blared out "This is the last stop of today, everyone needs to get off thank you for riding with us." I sighed as I attempted to stand up, but fell right back down. I grabbed onto whatever was next to me it was soft it felt like flesh. I pushed down on it as I hoisted myself up on my two left feet. As my eyes began to focus, I loOKed to see who helped me up it was Sky. He smiled at me awkwardly, as he ran his fingers through his hair. I nodded at him awkwardly as I said "Morning" He smiled slightly as he leaned against the seats and said "Morning sleeping beauty." I smirked slightly, as I grabbed my bag and began to walk off the train. Sky followed behind me silently. It was bright out, which was odd considering the fact that it was storming the whole day before. "Well, it loOKs like this is a goodbye for us Sebastian." I smiled awkwardly as I nodded "This is Goodnight, and not Goodbye my friend." Sky blushed slightly as he waved and walked in the opposite direction. I smiled to myself, knowing I somewhat made a friend. I walked in no certain direction, knowing that if Riku ran away to any place it would be here. He would be in "The promised place." I searched everywhere, all the little corner streets behind all the stores. Everywhere, but he was no where to be found. I rubbed at my temples slightly aggravated, I knew for a fact that if he ran away anywhere it would be right here...but he's not here. I felt the rain start to fall yet again, this weather is so bipolar I swear. I ran into the closest hotel I saw, it was raining cats and dogs. I loOK back at the day now, maybe I was slightly harsh on him but still he didn't have to leave me alone like this. I checked into a hotel room, and got myself the cheapest room they had available. I had plenty of cash but didn't want to waste it on something so stupid as to where I would be sleeping for one night. I layed my head down on the bed, as I stared at the beige wall. I sighed heavily, turning onto my side. I eyed my bag, I saw the knife dangling out as if it was taunting me. It wanted me to use it, it wanted me to play with the sharp edge of death. I ran my finger through my hair, as I stood up. I walked over to the bag and snatched the knife, I traced my finger around the blade. I laughed slightly, as i traced the tips of my finger with the blade. It stung, but it wasn't as bad as some of my other cuts. Blood ran down my fingers, and onto the floor. I smirked to myself, as I slowly licked off all the blood from my fingers. I jumped as my phone rang, causing me to fall off of the bed and clunk my head onto the floor. "F***." I whispered to myself, as I ran to get my phone."Hello?" The other line was silent, it sounded as if someone was trying to catch their breath."It's me...don't come loOKing for me I'm alright ." I was speechless, I was so relieved to know he was ok, but the question still rung in my head? "Why?" I asked out loud by accident. "Sebastian, I always loved you but I know you never loved me. So now I'm going somewhere where everyone will love me.." The other line went silent for a moment. "Hell." He hissed out angrily. I smirked slightly, I knew Riku hadn't had the guts to kill himself. He was just pushing my button's trying to see how bad he could make me feel for him. He always did that, that stupid game we play. See who has it worse, on time I almost won.....Almost.

I stared at myself in the mirror, a monster. I saw the reflection of a horrible monster. I had always been putting Riku down, just to make me feel better. When really Riku, has always been trying to encourage me to do better. To be the best me possible, Riku is my back bone. The one I can't live without, the one who makes me wake up in the morning. If Riku died, or something happened to hI'm I would literally have no reason to live. There's no doubt in my mind, if Riku is going to hell I will go with hI'm. I will follow hI'm into the depths of hell, and into the soul of heaven. I sighed heavily, as I turned the shower on, I sat in the tub. The steam stung my wrist, but it wasn't a bad sting it was a good kind of sting. I sighed heavily, feeling my whole body ache. I whI'mpered as I picked up my razor, I stared at the taunting blades. I flipped it up in the air and cough it blade up right on my palm. "S***!" I yelled to myself, my palm was bleeding profusely, it looked as if some big cat attacked my hand.
I held onto it with my other hand, which only made it sting worse. I whI'mpered, trying not to be to loud, afraid someone passing by my room might hear me. I grumbled lowly as I stepped out of the tub, and wrapped a towel on my lower body. I jumped up on my bed, I took a pillow and held it over my face, I screamed as loud as I could into it. I leaned against the wood frame of my bed, as I held my arms across my chest. I mumbled to myself, as I felt a tear form in the corner of my eye. "Damn it!" I yelled, as I whipped the pillow to the ground. I growled lowly to myself. I picked my phone back up, and tried to call Riku again. I waited a few minutes, before giving up. He wouldn't answer my calls, or any of my text. I was somewhat relieved, knowing he was safe. Yet I was worried, not knowing exactly where he was. So, I guess my trip all the way here was for nothing. I would wait until morning, then board the train back home. Day into night, it was well past three in the morning when I heard a thump at my door. I thought not much of it, just possibly people walking by, or the wind since I'm on the bottom floor. A couple minutes later, I heard someone violently bang against my door. This was no wind, someone was either trying to break in, or someone was trying to warn me about something. I opened the door cautiously, It was Riku. I barely could tell though, his face was purple and blue with bruises and marks. His shirt was stained with blood, and his pants were ripped, and washed out. I stared at hI'm, my expression dead and cold. He sighed quietly, as he tilted his head sideways trying to see if someone was inside the hotel room. I stared down at my feet for a moment, I couldn't handle the silence. I stepped forward and rested my hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch, or even look at me he shook my arm off of hI'm and walked into the hotel room. Pushing my away in the process, "Itch." He said as his eyes stared at me, like I was some kind of laughing matter or something. He opened the mini fridge and pulled out a full can of vodka, He smiled to hI'mself as he took a gulp of it. "Stop." I whispered staring at the floor, he threw the bottle on the floor and began walking towards me. He was literally one inch away from my face, he picked my head up forcing me to look at hI'm in the face. The only thing recognizable was his eyes, his cold dead eyes. I looked away, as I felt his hot vodka breath on me. I wanted to hug hI'm, and punch hI'm in the face at the same tI'me.I back up, pushing myself up against the wall. Riku mumbled something under his breath before slamming the bathroom door closed. I knocked on the door gently "Riku, let me come in.." Complete silence, I waited a few more minutes before knocking again. I hear hI'm mumble under his breath "The promised place...the promised place." I held my hand over my mouth as I realized what he was about to do. "No Riku no!". I yelled as loud as I could, I heard Riku scream a blood curdling scream. It was like nothing I have ever heard before. Then all was silent, I opened the door to find Riku on the floor, soaked in his own blood dead from the blood loss. I slumped up against the wall next to Riku. I layed my hand down on Riku head. I patted hI'm slightly. I closed my eyes as I took my gun up to my head. I counted to three, and pulled the trigger. I saw Riku he was smiling at me he put a band aid over my chest. Riku, mom and dad..? are you already there? I'm on my way..to the promised place.