The next morning, the novelty still hadn’t worn off.





















Our mini band…the chance of recording in a studio.

























I had tossed and turned all night, imagining. They would announce all our names: Eve Forrest, Maddy Taylor, Frankie Jones, Jason Fields and Gabby Smith take to the stage as…






That’s where I kept getting stuck – because we didn’t have a proper name. As…as what? The Dream team? The alphabet kids? We couldn’t go on as E.M.F.J.G.surely?













Maybe we’d have to have a serious group meeting.



























Yawning, I dragged myself out of bed. It was early December and almost impossible to resist the soft lure of a good duvet.




























It was a chilly morning, and for some reason, my mum had decided to open a window. Shivering, I shut it with a firm bang. My room, my rules.



















Unfortunately, the night hadn’t been as kind to me as it had to my dreams. There were light shadows under my eyes from all my daydreaming, and my long, impossibly curly dark brown hair was all over my face. A hazard of not having perfectly straight hair.











I examined myself for a long moment in the mirror before pulling on my school clothes. I was sure I hadn’t been this pale yesterday. The winter air was messing with my skin, and making my big, tilted grey eyes stand out more than ever. It was the only feature I liked – my eyes. The rest of me was permanently, devastatingly ordinary. Or hideous in comparison to Maddy. I wished I could be beautiful like her, but I guessed some girls just aren’t born to be stars.




































Instead of hopelessly dreaming, I decided to sort myself out, and brushed my hair vigorously until it lay flat and presentable. Better. Well, I’d do at least.





























































I could already hear my mum shouting breakfast was ready. It was just us in the house; no siblings, no dad. You think that would be weird, but it’s okay. Mum and I get by.









I took both myself and my schoolbag downstairs, where Mum was waiting with breakfast in the kitchen. Our favourite – good old-fashioned jam and toast.















“Morning, sleepyhead,” Mum said, noticing I was distracted.

























“I didn’t sleep well last night,” I said, and refused to elaborate. I didn’t want to jinx anything by telling mum.





























But like most mums, she seemed to have a natural radar for these things. I have never once been able to lie to her, not in thirteen and a half years. She sees through everything. It’s actually pretty freaky sometimes. But I suppose you would know someone pretty well if you only had one child, no partner. I didn’t really know if it was different for Maddy and the others.































“Are you sure there’s nothing up?” Mum said – an invitation.






















I debated whether or not I should tell her in my mind. On one hand, it was so easy to fall into the pattern of girly chats and he said she said and stuff like that. But on the other, I wasn’t a baby anymore. I could handle this. I didn’t need to go blubbing to my mum every few seconds.








































I thought of yesterday’s failure, and of how I still hadn’t composed the last few lines, and shook my head. She didn’t need to know my stupid band dramas. Especially not since she was so weighed down with work these days.




































“I said, I’m just tired,” I said, and wondered when I stopped telling people how I really felt.




A while, I thought. After all, this was how I had got dragged into writing two songs at short notice.
































Why didn’t I complain? Say it was too much?





























Because I was an idiot.




























“Well, if that’s all,” Mum said, clearing away some plates.


















“Yes,” I said. “That’s all…”
*


“This is so cool,” Maddy kept saying. “This is so cool, Eve – admit it.”












































“This is cool,” I said without emotion. “This is so, so cool.”






















My best friend laughed at me, not knowing I was serious. Yeah, I was excited…but what about the songs? They were all expecting me to deliver. Failure was not an option. NOT an option. Not an option. Oh s***.


























Even though the five of us were in a music-induced bubble, normal life continued at school. We had five lessons to face: double bloody maths, English, history and P.E.. I’d still rather have faced the dodge ball than the Christmas concert, though. Anything but that.















Try as I might, however, I couldn’t concentrate on maths equations and the teacher’s drone and my algebra ‘buddy’ Fran, because my mind was just on the songs. The band. Our big chance. It would get to anyone, wouldn’t it? I mean, imagine if you just had one, just one shot at something you have always dreamed of. Pressure doesn’t even cover it – especially since my lyrics could singlehandedly determine whether we succeeded – or failed. And I’d never quite live that down.
































“Eve,” Fran said irritably. “Can you concentrate please? Only we have to give an answer in a few minutes.”

































Who cared?






























































“Right,” I said, sitting up hastily. “Um…well…is x 3?”





















And maybe dreams could come true because I actually got it right. Me. For the first time in living memory. I had been math-er-sized. Or something.















Frankie turned round from the desk in front to grin at me.





















“I thought you said solving maths equations was like trying to do a triple flip on a donkey,” he said.














































I sat back smugly.


































“I guess some people just have it…and I do,” I said, looking scathingly at his own wrong answer.


































































“You have turned into such a snob,” Frankie said.




















Well, that was hardly my fault. He should blame Fran. She converted me after all.










“Well, life’s tough,” I said. “And you’ve got an equation to solve.”













“In Mr Harper’s dreams,” he said – but he swivelled back round all the same. I was such a good influence.
















































For the rest of the lesson, I struggled on in my search for the right lyrics. But if I thought one right answer in maths would provide the inspiration I needed, I was sadly wrong. Yeah, maths was great – if you had no imagination.



























And if I was going to be a full-time songwriter, I had better get my act together. No more maths.































“Have you ever been in a lesson so dull?” Maddy said afterwards, linking arms with Frankie and me. “I thought I’d die I was so bored.”



















“Me included,” Frankie said, giving me an accusatory stare. “But Eve doesn’t seem to agree. She’s crossed over to the dark side.”










































The dark side? Since when? I was completely, one hundred percent good. I supported all the good guys in the films - and I won’t say this again, but I bloody hated maths. End of. Finished. The end.




























I swear, with all the stress I was under, I was going to end up killing my best friend’s boyfriend. I hoped that, like her designer bags, Maddy would get over her other half’s demise. Okay, now I was a bad guy. But I was pushed into it.

















To celebrate my obvious evilness, my two friends began kissing. Gross. No wonder all the antagonists were so bitter. I thought about the audition’s theme and shuddered.











Love…what did any of us know about it really?

















Nothing, I decided, nothing at all.
*


Later, Mum sat me down to have a ‘discussion’. That particular sentence starter never boded well. I thought back over the past few days, and came to the conclusion I had done nothing wrong. Unless she had found out about the audition and she didn’t want me to enter…








However, it had nothing to do with me. Or the competition. It was something far more horrible.































“You know you’ll always come first, don’t you?” Mum said as we sat at the table, me twiddling my thumbs like an idiot.




























“Yeah…so?” I said, wondering where she was going with this.











“Well…there’s no easy way to say this…I don’t want you to feel excluded…”








“Spit it out!” I said, sick of surprises by this point.




















“I’m going on a date!” Mum said – and I guess there was no end to surprises. No way to stop them, see them coming.
























Mum had never been on a date. The last relationship she’d ever had was with my Dad. My mystery Dad. I didn’t like to ask about him, because she hated talking about it. I gathered he was some kind of useless layabout, because I figured if he was dead or in prison, she would have told me.

































And now she was off on a date. I had never felt so betrayed. She always said it was just the two of us, and that was the way it was meant to be. And now, what? She wanted to date? Wasn’t I enough for her? For anyone?


























Clearly not for my Dad. I must’ve been such a disappointment to make him abandon me.







She couldn’t even tell me who he was, and now she wanted my approval so she could get a boyfriend. Well, good for her. What did it have to do with me?













I was beginning to think I was some kind of freak. First Maddy and Frankie, now Mum – so why didn’t I feel that way about anyone? Why didn’t I have a boyfriend? Fall in love?






I knew why, of course. Who on earth would want me? Boys went for sweet girls like Gabby, or gorgeous girls like Maddy. Or even my Mum. Ordinary girls…we just didn’t get a look in.









“Have fun,” I said dully.































“Eve, sweetheart,” Mum said, “you are okay about all this, aren’t you? Because I won’t go unless –”
































































“Mum, it’s fine,” I said smoothly. “I’m happy for you. Really.” I smiled the smile I had taken years to perfect: the one that said I was fine, and I always was. I was sad it was starting to fool everyone nowadays. But then again…who was I to stop my Mum having a life? If I could have a boyfriend, I would date too.





















But I didn’t have a boyfriend, obviously. Why did it even matter? It never used to. In fact, it was only recently I had begun to feel as though life – and friends – were passing me by. I was still stuck at that awkward pre-teen stage, while everyone I knew was growing up fast. I was fourteen in June – but I had never felt so young in my life.















Never felt so lost. Because clearly, I was missing something.






























It was only afterwards, in my room, that the final lines clicked in place. Lilac Girl was about everything I was feeling right now – confusion, worry, fear – and longing. I hoped it wouldn’t be that obvious once I had shown all my friends. I never expected this song writing thing to be so personal. It was just a hobby at first…but little did I know that slowly, I was beginning to put everything into those words. A whisper, an echo of how I truly felt. But hopefully, all my band mates and the audience would see was patient, happy as could be Eve, like always.





































































































I picked up my pen and studied everything I had written before I got stuck. It was okay…but was it good enough?








































My phone buzzed again in my pocket. If it was Maddy wanting to talk bands again, I’d scream.


































But it wasn’t Maddy.



































How’s the song writing going? Frankie.




















Okay, I tapped out, I think I might be onto something. See you later. Eve.












I picked up my broken, leaky black biro and started to write:
















Picture the eyes of the ocean




































And the whisper of the trees















































Look into the mouth of the angel






































And tell me





























Tell me with one kiss



























Because I’m still crazy about you




























And that won’t change.
































Even if nothing is the same…





























Lilac girl, don’t change.

Backstage, the atmosphere was heating up. I could practically feel the car crash of nerves rolling in my stomach – hear the approaching footsteps of failure. What if they all hated my song? Were too polite to tell me it sucked?






















The others didn’t seem to share my nerves. In fact, they had the cheek to look excited. Can you imagine?






























Well, it wasn’t their crappy song on display to everyone.

























Armed with hairspray, Maddy began making the final preparations on her hair. Beside her, Gabby was pulling stage faces in the mirror. I didn’t know where Jason and Frankie were – maybe getting changed. Part of me hoped they wouldn’t turn up, so we wouldn’t have to go out there. For some reason, the thought of performing in front of my friends and their parents seemed more scary than auditioning in front of a panel of strangers. It didn’t make sense to even me…but who wants to fall flat on their face in front of people you have to see every day? In hindsight, I had every right to be nervous.






















“You okay, Eve?” Maddy said, checking her hair for split ends. “Only, no offence, but you look kind of jittery.”



























Jittery? Jittery? I was way beyond that stage. Still, I could feel a fragment of pride hurt over her statement. If even Maddy noticed, then so would everyone. Great. I’d probably start hyperventilating on the stage, in front of everyone. The parents would say ‘oh, bless’ and the kids would cringe. Me, I’d die. Right on the stage floor.



















“I’m fine,” I said after a pause. “Hey, can you show me how to do that with my hair? Yours looks great.”





























“Sure,” Maddy said, successfully distracted. Her face was lit up with enthusiasm – because if there was one thing Maddy knew about, it was style.

















For the next fifteen minutes, I had my hair piled in a crown on top of my head, the edges plaited. Maddy’s hair was identical to mine – only the princess look worked better with her, even though she insisted my curls gave me an edgier look. You can never trust your friends to tell you the truth looks-wise. Or song-wise. Oh crap. What if all my songs had been bad, and no one had ever told me?

















































Without my lyrics, I was just a stupid backing vocalist. Nothing special. My words made me stand out, just a little bit. It was like stepping into another me. A girl sure of how she really felt. Right now, I was struggling.























“Gabby, over here,” Maddy said, beckoning her with a finger. “you need the hair make-over too. Otherwise we’ll look weird, two of us identical and the other not.”










“Right,” Gabby said apprehensively, having no choice but to be Maddyified.












“This will be harder,” Maddy said, studying her black bob. Gabby had recently cut her hair, but it really suited her. Made her look much older than she used to.















“If it’s too short…” Gabby said, staring at herself critically in the mirror.









“Just who do you think you’re speaking to?” Maddy said. “I have not failed yet, and I’m not about to start now.” Determinedly, she marched over to Gabby and started examining her strands of hair like an expert.


























And sure enough, Gabby looked exactly like us in the minutes to come.










“Told you,” Maddy said.




















































There came an announcement from on stage. Two sisters were taking to the stage; and we were after them. A knot of anxiety twisted in my stomach. It was hard to suppress the sick feeling, and I couldn’t even join in when Gabby and Maddy had a powder fight with the make-up.





























“Oh, cheer up,” Maddy said, sprinkling pink blusher in my direction. I ducked, shrieking – I had always been a rosy-cheeked girl, and she knew it. If I exaggerated that further, I’d look like I had sunstroke.































“You – are – an – absolute – b****!” I said, running out of the way when she chased me.








There came two knocks at the door. I could guess who they were.













Sure enough, standing there were Jason and Frankie.






















“You took your time,” Maddy said. “We’re on stage in five.”














“Yeah, I can see you guys were getting ready,” Frankie said with a sly smirk, staring at the three of us, still in the middle of a powder-blusher fight.

















































“Watch yourself,” I said. “Or else you’ll be wearing it, too.”


































“Yeah, I think I’ll take my chances,” he replied – but he stopped smirking.



















By the door, Jason was doing warm-up exercises. So I wasn’t the only one feeling a little out-of-sorts. I tried to work out why that wasn’t more or less reassuring.













Claps from on stage. My heart reacted violently – about five beats per second. You couldn’t have heart attacks at thirteen, could you? Apparently so.


















“Right guys,” Maddy said, “just remember not to panic; sing well, play your instruments to perfection, and we’ll all be fine. Right?”























“Right,” we all echoed.




























“And now,” came the voice of a teacher, “please make some noise for Eve, Maddy, Frankie, Jaaaaaaaason and Gaaaaaaaaaaaby!”


























Screams. Heart beats. Feet moving forwards. This was it.
















“Don’t panic,” Maddy repeated to herself.






















Jason pushed the door open, and we made our way to the stage. The drums were waiting for him; and Frankie had his guitar slung across his body. There were three microphone stands for us girls. We took our positions quickly; quietly. People in the audience were rustling with anticipation.




































The first of the drum beats started; lightly, along with the thrumming of the guitar. A gentle sound pierced through the assembly hall, and Maddy got ready to start singing.










“Lilac girl, don’t cry,” she said, her voice soft and sweet. “I promise it’ll be alright. Because we’ve been –”

































“We’ve been,” Gabby sang, “we’ve been the best of a fairytale…”















“You and I,” Maddy and I said together.




























The sound of the guitar got louder; more urgent. Crashes burst from the drums. My heart wasn’t thumping now; it felt like it had stopped. I tried to lose myself in the music.





















The chorus was smooth-running and fast; Maddy taking up a large proportion of the lines, and Gabby echoing, like a strange kind of bird. I occasionally got my own solo; but mostly I joined in with Maddy. It made me feel a little less on edge…more part of the song. My song. It didn’t sound quite so bad sung by Maddy and Gabby, and backed up with Jason and Frankie’s music. It was all kinds of weird hearing it come alive on stage.














We all took a deep breath as we prepared for the final paragraph – the hastily written, barely rehearsed paragraph. What if it went badly wrong? Sounded rubbish?












“Picture the eyes of the ocean, and the whisper of the trees,” we sang together, “Look into the mouth of the angel and tell me – tell me with one kiss. Because I’m still crazy about you, and that won’t change. Even if nothing is the same…”



















“Lilac girl, don’t change,” Maddy finished with a smile.



































The audience erupted in front of us – an explosion of claps and cheers and shouts for more. We all looked at each other, astonished. Yeah, we’d performed at loads of concerts before, but we’d never got such a huge response. They just used to listen, before. Clap politely. And now – they really liked us. I could feel my heart start to go again in a new way. Fast…but happy. Buzzed. I’d never felt that way after a performance before. I usually just wanted to cry I was so awful.
































So what was different about today?

























I thought about what Jason had said the other day, and re-considered my previous reaction. Maybe things that didn’t go right today could tomorrow; someday?














“That was…” but Maddy couldn’t even finish what she had been saying. For once, even my best friend was stunned into silence.


































“Guess that last rehearsal really paid off,” Frankie said, putting an arm around her shoulders.























“Yuck,” Gabby said. “Let’s not stay for their celebration.” She took my arm and led us over to the canteen, where the end-of-term Christmas party was starting. Jason followed after us.






“I’m not really hungry,” I said, looking at the rows of sticky food. “I think I’m still running on adrenaline right now!”




























“Try adrenaline and cake,” Gabby said, passing me a huge slice. Chocolate and delicious-looking, it begged to be eaten. I had it out of her hand before she’d even finished speaking to “Steady,” Jason said, watching my attempts to set a new world record via cake.










“I’ve earned it,” I said, wiping my chocolate-coated mouth. I could never seem to eat all that neatly.


































“Gross, Eve,” Gabby said teasingly – and I elbowed her. Her own plate splattered to the floor. Oops.




















































Luckily, Maddy and Frankie happened to appear at that moment. If they hadn’t, I swear she would have killed me.




































Still, as they were still all loved-up, maybe this wasn’t too much of a relief. Jason made a dodgy comment about love birds, and everyone laughed awkwardly. See? Romance messes everything up. We used to be so…neutral. And now everything was so embarrassing and confusing. And that was it. Love…kisses…romance…it was embarrassing, all of it. Once again, I shuddered at the thought of me ever being in love, writing about love. It didn’t bear thinking about. Couldn’t thirteen still be just about friends?



















“What happened to that?” Maddy said to Gabby, seeing her fallen cake.










Gabby glared at me. “Our dear friend Eve knocked it to the floor – with her elbow,” she said stiffly.






























Both Maddy and Frankie laughed, staring at me in disbelief. I guess they had never had me down as a bunny boiler before. Then again, there were several things my friends no longer knew about me.































“Nice,” Frankie said. “Really considerate.” He winked at me, green eyes laughing.











At once, I could feel a familiar pink start to stain my already bright cheeks, and I had to look away. That was weird.


























Too weird.































“Don’t feel bad, Eve,” Maddy said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “We can always get Gabby counselling.” We all laughed. I realized in relief my embarrassment had been misunderstood.








































































































I was starting to feel really strange, actually. All that performing had given me a headache, and I felt kind of flushed. Maybe I was coming down with something; just in time for the holidays. Typical. That must have been why I was so out of character earlier.










I took a quick drink of water from the jug on the side, but it was all horrible and warm, like it had come straight from the boy’s loos. I felt like spitting it right back out again, because now there was a coin-like, metallic taste in my mouth. Who knew water was bad for you?







I put a hand to my forehead, feeling a little dizzy.






















Behind me, loud music started blaring out. Maddy immediately started trying to persuade Gabby and me to dance, with me resistant. I thought I might be sick if I tried anything funny – and I couldn’t dance. But that wasn’t, of course, why I refused. Who could be that shallow?






“Aw, come on Eve,” Maddy said, trying to pull me away. “I love this song!”














“Actually, Mads, I feel a little weird,” I said, pushing her arm away. “But you and Gabby dance without me.”






























“Fine,” my best friend said huffily. Gabby pulled a face at me as she went past, because clearly, I was abandoning her when she needed me most. She probably wanted to look like the better bad dancer out of us two, I thought wryly.


















“Are you sure you’re okay?” said a voice in my ear. I jumped, startled – then saw it was just Frankie. Damn anyway.




























“Don’t do that!” I said, putting a hand on my heart. It thudded uncertainly. “You scared the life out of me.”






























“I doubt that, since you’re still alive,” he said dryly, and I just about held in my giggle, since it was at my expense after all.








































“I’ll tell Miss Jenkins you’re bullying me,” I said instead, faking a wounded look.









“That’ll be the day,” he said in that same serious voice, and I tried to work out whether or not he was being sarcastic. Once I had figured it out, I could appreciate the joke.









“Who do you think you are, a Bond villain or something?” I said, getting ready to put on a mock voice. “That’ll be the day, Bond. That’ll be the day.”
















Frankie laughed at me. “You know…you’re actually crazier than you look,” he said like he was paying me a compliment.


















































I leaned in, as though I was sharing a secret. “I lost my meds,” I said, “and if I stay here any longer, there’s no telling what I’ll do.”





























Frankie gave me a long, hard stare, and we both laughed again. Under the glow of the Christmas lights, it was impossible to tell whether he was blushing too, or if it was just the pink lights.

































In the middle of the room, my best friend was calling us over. Grinning, we joined them, and danced until the room spun with happiness.

The next morning, I lay for a long moment on my bed, staring at the ceiling. For some reason, prickles of guilt were starting in my chest. I hadn’t done anything…initiated anything…but was it possible I had accidentally started something?























Everything swirled around in my head, like dreams lost between fingers. I was getting one thing straight: I did not like Frankie Jones in that way, and I never would. He was my friend; Maddy’s boyfriend, and I had just felt strange at the party. I could have said anything last night. Or maybe someone spiked my plastic cup of fizzy juice. Yes, that had to be it.







Because I was so not that girl. Was I?

























I pressed my fingers into my temple, confused. It was only Mum’s shout from the living room that snapped me out of my reverie. Then again…did I really want to speak to her, either? Things had been weird since the ‘discussion’.





















Sighing, I made my way to the longue, ignoring my negative influx of thoughts. That could wait till later, when I’d had more of a chance to think things over.














Frankie wasn’t really flirting with me, was he? Had I imagined his blush, the wink? I didn’t like him either, did I?

























Impossible.































Yeah, he was good-looking…friendly…funny…but not in a romantic way. I didn’t know the meaning of romance. And I did not fancy my best friend’s boyfriend. No way.











“Hi, Mum,” I said with an effort, sinking onto a squashy green cushion.













Mum watched me pick at the stitching on the pillow, my eyebrows furrowed. I waited for her to see the guilt printed onto my forehead. So much had changed in one night. I had changed.



“Come on, what’s wrong?” Mum said. My head snapped up. “I know that look. Listen…are you still upset over the date?”
























That bloody word again. I felt like putting my hands over my ears, because really, Mums shouldn’t go on dates.









































“Mum, I was never upset,” I said, knowing my voice was sounding whiny.












“Right,” Mum said. “Well…if it’s not the date –” I cringed. “Then what is it, huh?”





Her voice was kind, understanding. Just like it always was. Only, I wasn’t like I always was. It was like a curtain was separating me from the rest of the world, and I was a shell. My own island. Only…I had almost let a boy invade, hadn’t I? A boy who belonged to someone else?






Like I said, romance was a bad idea. I decided, there and then, not to get into anything personal until I was at least sixteen. Make that eighteen. Twenty-five. It always spelled trouble.


























I even thought about asking Maddy’s advice. She knew about boys, and Frankie wasn’t her first – though she certainly knew all about him, too.



















I shook my head. That was just too weird. Imagine: hey, Maddy, I need some advice – I think I have a crush on your boyfriend. Right. Besides, I didn’t like Frankie. Not really. He was not my type at all.















































Ironically enough, Maddy chose that moment to send a text, asking me if I wanted to meet up at the new milkshake bar in town. I sent a quick text back, agreeing to turn up within half an hour. There was no way I was staying in the house to talk dates with dear old mother.






“I’m going out,” I told her, getting up to get ready. “To the new milkshake place in town with Maddy – you know, Strawberry Wishes?”






















































































































“Have fun,” Mum said, looking a little put out on the sofa. Well, she’d hardly be alone for long – not now she had a boyfriend.








































In my room, I picked out my New Look jeans, pink woolly jumper and white glittery boots, and grabbed a small bag. Inside it I stuffed my purse, containing my last ten pound note and a few spare coins. I was running low on cash, but too young for a job.












I yelled goodbye to Mum as I shut the blue front door with a bang. I could already see my bus coming in the distance, and had to run to get it. Luckily, it was pretty slow, and I made it just as a woman with a walking frame was clamouring on.





















But of course, a girl like me had to experience some bad luck on the way. The roads were clogged with traffic, and a man who stank of beer chose the empty seat next to mine to occupy. I shifted away slightly. Even I had standards.

























Hurry up or I’m calling Gabby as your replacement! Maddyx.















That girl. So bloody impatient. I said half an hour, didn’t I?















Maddy, calm down. Why isn’t Gabby coming, anyway?






















Apparently, I had a bit of a patience problem too, because I couldn’t be bothered to wait for my friend’s next text. Instead I played solitaire on my phone. For some reason, winning was impossible today. I felt more upset than I should over this.

















You have one new message.




































I clicked onto it, still wondering why our other band mate wasn’t invited. It wasn’t anything personal, surely? Or because Maddy was the kind of girl who didn’t do quiet friends?











I felt a little nervous myself – like I wasn’t good enough for her either. After all, what was so special about me? I was just an ordinary, curly-haired girl with no money.


















Because I have something to tell you! A strictly private, best friend thing. Stop asking questions! Maddyx.







































I bit my lip. It sounded as though she was leaving Gabby out. I thought about inviting her, then dismissed the thought. Maddy might actually have something important to tell me for once, and I could understand why she didn’t want to broadcast it to everyone. I silently hoped Frankie wouldn’t be there – because they were close enough, weren’t they? Embarrassment didn’t even cover how I felt about last night. What had I been thinking?



























My luck must’ve been in good supply today, though, because Frankie wasn’t there. No, there was just Maddy, flouncing up to me in short shorts and a droopy love heart jumper. Her legs were bare, even though it was still early December, and dotted with little pimples from the cold.

























“Hey,” I said as I reached her. “So what’s so urgent, then? Have you caught pneumonia?” I looked doubtfully at her jean-shorts once more.































Maddy pushed my shoulder. “Please, I don’t need another Mum-lecture. Just come inside!” she pulled me into the new milkshake bar – a nice little place with comfy tables and neat menus. When I saw the price of one drink, I resolved to only buy one milkshake. It sucked to have nothing in your purse, and I didn’t like having stuff paid for me. Just because.









Maddy’s light blue eyes looked strangely bright today – from excitement or urgency, I didn’t know. It was hard to read the expression in her eyes, especially since she had ringed her eyelids with black liner. On anyone else it would look a little panda-ish, but on my best friend it looked fit for the catwalk. I still didn’t understand why I girl like Maddy wore make-up, though. I didn’t, and I certainly needed it.




















“So what’s this all about, then?” I said, reading the list of milkshakes. Banana…strawberry, of course…vanilla…chocolate…peach. Peach? I stared in surprise at that last one. I guess British culture was becoming more exotic. I supposed I should give it a try, since I thought not many other people would. It deserved a chance just like the other flavours, crazy as it sounded.































Maddy paused. “I just wanted to talk about something,” she said in an ominous voice, and I tried to guess what this might be about. And came up blank.





















“About…?” I said, trying not to come across as too eager.


















“Let’s get the milkshakes first,” Maddy said, the ghost of a blush on her cheeks. She studied the menu with fierce determination. “Which one do you want, then? I think I’ll have the vanilla - maybe with chocolate sprinkles.” She looked at me expectantly.










“Er – the peach,” I said, looking at her in puzzlement. She never got embarrassed, especially not in front of me of all people. We told each other everything – seriously. If we ever fell out one day, we’d each have gold on the other. Maybe that was why our friendship had lasted so long, I thought grimly. I couldn’t think of another reason opposites like us had stayed together otherwise, to be honest.




























“Why?” Maddy said. “I thought your favourite was chocolate. No offence, Eve – but peach sounds a little weird for even you!” she laughed at the outraged expression spreading across my face.





























































“I thought I’d try something a little different,” I said stiffly.



















“I love it when you go huffy like this!” she said, still laughing. “C’mon, you like me really!”





“You wish,” I said – but I couldn’t help smiling back.







































Somehow, best friends have this annoying talent of winning you back even when you’re really pissed off. And I was pissed off. Beyond rage. Kind of.














Maddy went off to get the drinks, and would only take my coins when I forcibly shoved them into her hand. She had all the money in the world. I wasn’t clear exactly what her parents did, but they were in big business. And probably in on the whole tax avoidance thing. I could safely bet (with my last tenner) that her dad had a few million shoved in a bank account in Switzerland or somewhere.

























Or maybe Mexico.







































Maddy came back with two muffins and two different-flavour milkshakes, beaming. She had one chocolate chip muffin, and one blueberry.



















“I got your favourite,” she said, tipping the tray onto the table. She passed me the blueberry muffin and the peach milkshake. I eyed it warily. Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea after all – I mean, you couldn’t die from a dodgy combination of substances, could you? I hoped not, because I was making it to that dreaded audition whether it killed me or not. And it probably would, knowing me. Forget the milkshake – I would probably walk into a death trap or something.































“So, is the Queen of Secrecy finally ready to spill?” I said slyly, wiping some crumbs off my bottom lip.
































“She is indeed,” Maddy said in a strange voice. Then she was suddenly serious…and somehow softer, less jokey. She had spent most of her life in a role, and now it was like she had stepped out of her layers. “Actually, Eve…it’s about Frankie.”













Frankie? I automatically recoiled away from the name before I composed myself. But, fortunately, Maddy was far too absorbed in what she was about to say to notice.










“No,” Maddy looked up from her milkshake; which she was cradling like a child. “I think…I think I might love him, Eve.”





























The last of my blueberry muffin crumbled in my fingertips. She was years ahead of me already in the romance sector, and now she was properly falling for a boy too? I couldn’t help feeling a little crushed…left behind. How did she even know what love was, at our age?

















And was four months really long enough to love someone?




















“How do you know?” I whispered.





























“Look, I know this is cheesy,” Maddy said. “But I just get this warm feeling in my heart…like everything’s okay when he’s around. And last night…when he kissed me, I just said it.” There was no doubt about the blush now; it was seeping right into her skin.






“And…did he say it back?” I said, barely daring to breathe.



























“That’s the thing…I don’t know,” Maddy said. “You know what boys are like – it takes them forever just to decide if they want to go out with you. But he said he really liked me…I don’t know if that’s the same thing?”

























“It’s the same thing,” I said, because I had never seen my best friend like this with anyone, and I was not about to let Frankie Jones of all people steal the smile on her face.











But, later, I couldn’t help feeling it was not the same thing at all.

I’d like to say the Christmas holidays kicked off with a bang, but that would be a definite lie. I had a big history project due on the first day back, and even though Maddy said it was time we 'lived a little', I decided I'd better get it done.




















But despite my new resolution, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Maddy said. About love and what it meant to different people. If my hunch was right, was I wrong to reassure my friend? Was it really up to me to tell her Frankie was in love with her? I didn’t think so.








Either Maddy’s boyfriend grew some balls or I would force him to tell her the truth. Or maybe I was being a bit hasty. They had plenty of time to properly fall for each other, after all; it was just, girls usually fell in love faster. That was what Mum always said, anyway.






Or maybe Frankie was in love with Maddy, only he was too shy to tell her. That seemed like a more reassuring thought to me, so I stuck with it. The theory worked the same as any of the others. And besides, it was kind of cute.























I tucked a few stray curls behind my ear and opened up my planner. Yes, the history project was definitely the most urgent. Even though from Year ten onwards it would be all about exams, they insisted on giving us Year nines a pile of homework. Like we didn’t have enough stress to get on with. And I had the additional pressure of writing a new song, and performing with the other guys. Because although my last attempt had gone down well with the audience, there was still a chance I might get this one badly wrong. Especially since there were five futures riding on this.































I had never properly thought of it like that, but it was true really, wasn’t it? If I didn’t get this right, I risked messing up both mine and all my friends’ lives. It was just another thing I was forced to shrink away from.
























I was such a coward.



























I shut my planner with a sigh. It was time to get down with the geeks.













Research your family tree, the history sheet said, and track all the things you find out. You never know what you might discover!





















Right.





































There was a note in the kitchen from my Mum, telling me she was at work. For the first time, I allowed myself to wonder whether she might be dating a work college. It was definitely plausible.































I had so many romantic theories today it was almost funny. Almost. Because none of them were about me. And probably never would be. I would never come running to my best friend because I’d just told a boy I loved him. I wouldn’t ever go on a date. My ‘love life’ was doomed.



























And there was another, more pressing matter on my mind. How was I supposed to find out about my past family when I barely even knew my present one? And that was just Mum’s. What about Dad’s? Scratch that, who was my Dad?

















I wiped my eyes quickly, before they could blur over. Maybe I could just make something -





A thought struck me at that moment. Jason’s Mum worked in the heritage sector…maybe she could help me out?































I wasn’t wasting any more time. Even if Mum didn’t want to tell me, I was getting to the bottom of this – today.














































Because anyone would be curious, wouldn’t they? I mean, who gave me the curls in my hair? The rosy cheeks and the dimples and the giggly laugh? Who had given me half my genes?





And who had my family once been?





















I grabbed my phone and typed out: Hey Jason. I know this is random but you know that history project? Well, I was wondering if your Mum could help me out, if you don’t mind. Eve.






























I chewed on my lip as I sent it, thinking it might sound too weird. But well, even if it did, I could trust Jason not to blab all about it, couldn’t I? He wasn’t the rumour-starting type; and he had only recently agreed to let his dad get him a phone. I know. So clearly, my cringe-worthy message was not about to go viral.




















Jason took ages to reply. I supposed he wasn’t the type of person to check his phone every ten minutes – but well, he should. What if it was an emergency next time?








Sure, she probably wouldn’t mind. If I give her your name, she could probably find out some stuff. And it would help if you texted me other family names – Aunts or Uncles, that kind of thing. Jason.






























It was probably the longest text he had ever written. I mulled over his words, and tried to think of someone other than Mum or me. Well, I did know I had once had a Grandma – Mum’s mum. She was long dead, though. That was a shame, because Mum told me she was the only relative she could stand. She didn’t tell me a lot else, though, other than the fact we were alike and I would have liked her.







































I knew her name, though – because I was named after her, sort of. I was Eve Anna Forrest, and she had been just Anna, with the same surname. I had always been proud of that – my one link to a family member other than my Mum.

















My fingers practically tingled as I wrote out: I have three names. Mine, obviously; my Mum’s: Forrest, and my Gran’s – Anna Forrest. Thanks for agreeing to help me, you’re a star. I sent the message. Only Jason would think I wasn’t desperate, which is why I was glad I hadn’t decided to do a joint project with Maddy. Plus, she probably came from a long line of successful, rich and beautiful ancestors. Only Maddy.















Jason sent me another quick text telling me his Mum was working on it. I felt a little guilty, thinking she was probably running overtime over the festive period. She probably had people all over wanting to find out about families just before Christmas.













Still, I couldn’t help pacing a little as I waited. And, meanly, I kept thinking: why couldn’t Jason’s Mum hurry up? I shook myself. I was turning into such a brat.












And although her presence had been uncalled for, apparently my best friend couldn’t contain herself. She turned up at my door without so much as a text, clutching a dairy milk bar and grinning.





















































“I thought you said homework was for dweebs?” I said doubtfully. “And don’t you know it’s rude to turn up uninvited?”



























“Hey!” Maddy pushed her way inside. “You have to be nice to guests, Eve, it’s the code.”




“Well, I wouldn’t know,” I said. “You’re the one always having Aunts and Uncles to stay.”






“Speaking of which, we have a project to get done,” she said, throwing her bag down on my sofa.




























I watched the slightly stained carpet; the dent in the coffee table; even the dodgy homemade cushions. Suddenly everything wrong with my house seemed highlighted in HD. Not that Maddy would say anything…but compared to this place, she lived in a palace. Probably Buckingham palace, knowing her.





















“You’re so lucky to live somewhere so peaceful,” Maddy said with a wistful edge to her voice. “Lucky not to have a brother, too.”




















I wasn’t so sure about that. A bit of company around here might have been nice sometimes. It seemed so unfair she got to have the material stuff – and a sibling too. I tried to remind myself I would probably feel the same if I had an irritating ten-year-old brother round the house. It couldn’t be much fun. Still, I couldn’t suppress a little flash of annoyance she had the right to complain, too. I never did. And how was I lucky to have a crappy, empty house?



Or maybe not empty for long. Not if Mum got a boyfriend for real.









“Eve?” Maddy said, waving a hand in front of my face. I watched it, my mind elsewhere. “C’mon, what’s up?”































“I think…I think my Mum’s going to go on a date,” I said hurriedly, unable to contain myself any longer. But hopefully Maddy could give me an outsider’s point of view. Maybe I was overreacting.































Maddy’s eyes went wide. “Eve! Are you serious? How long have you known?”













“Not that long,” I said defensively. “Anyway, it’s not the kind of thing you broadcast – hey, it’s not funny!” I chucked a cushion in her face, sparking a furious pillow fight. By the end, we were both thoroughly whacked-out.





















“That was productive,” I said, and we both sniggered. “I knew doing homework with you was a bad idea. I actually planned to do something before you showed up. Well actually, I am doing something.” I sat back like the King of the Jungle. Little did Maddy know I had sources too. Little old me.
























“What are you on about?” she said, and I couldn’t help giggling. “Eve, what the hell –”





“I got Jason’s Mum to do it for me, if you must know,” I said defiantly. “Got a problem with that?”




































































Maddy moved slightly away from me. “O.K., crazy,” she said. “What are you on about now?”































“Several things and more,” I said mysteriously – and refused to give in even when she threatened torture via tickling. Maddy was all talk, anyway.

















Or apparently not. I shrieked and thrashed at her arms, hysterical. She knew my great weakness – armpits. The b****.

























Beep, beep.


































I took my phone out – and stared at the message. I hadn’t felt the no way no way no way kind of feeling since the day I found out about the competition.















“What? What is it?” Maddy said, craning her neck to get a good look at the text.














But it was too ridiculous to share. Way too ridiculous. Only, being her, she took matters into her own hands – and grabbed it off me before I could stop her; though I certainly tried.








“My gosh, Eve,” she said. “There’s so much you haven’t told me!”











“I didn’t know,” I said in a shell-shocked voice.

















“Imagine having a famous Grandmother and not even knowing,” Maddy said, equally astonished.



































Because, as it turned out, Anna Forrest had been a singer. A singer. And Mum had never even told me. It’s not like she was world famous or anything, but according to Jason, she was pretty successful at once point.























So maybe I had music in my blood?






















“Your family are pretty cool,” Maddy said, and for once, I believed her.













And when she had gone, I looked for the old photo album. In the first few pages was a young woman with dark, curly hair. She had a hopeful smile – a dimpled smile – and laughter lines.






Looking at her, I thought I might cry.























Because maybe I wasn’t a stranger after all.