My biggest fear is going to jail. I have been scared to go to jail since I was little. My identical twin brother, Jackson, has been to jail many times. I never wanted to end up like him.
I have lived in Chicago my whole life, and I love it there. I can’t even imagine living somewhere else. It has all of the things I need. My wife, daughter, and friends live there. And the best part is that my brother moved far away. I haven’t seen him since my grandmother died, and I like it that way.
Now I love my life. I have a perfect wife named Monica and a beautiful daughter named Isabella. I have great friends that will stand by me no matter what. I am extremely wealthy, because of my dream job as a lawyer. They say that I’m the best lawyer in Chicago. My life is perfect, except of course, that I’m in jail.
I hate jail. It is cold, dark, and awful. All the people look like they will kill me. I was accused of murdering four children. I would never do that, but no one believes me. It really sucks when you are getting blamed for something you never did, and there is nothing you can do about it. I’m not really worried though. I have connections with really good lawyers and they will get me out of here.
“Jonathan!” someone yells from down the hall. I didn’t recognize the voice but, they must know me if they are calling my name.
“Johnathon Blew!” the voice yells again. A guard comes out of the darkness holding something in his hand. He is tall and broad. The sun is shining on his dark skin.  He opens the cell and pulls me to the cafeteria to eat.

We arrive at the cafeteria and all I can think is that I’m in a room full of criminals. I just keep thinking I don’t belong here. I’m not one of them. I see an empty seat next to a man with one eye. He waves a hand at me to come and sit down, but I act like I don’t see him. I sit down at a table by myself and choke down some slimy green soup with orange chunks in it. It tastes awful. After a while the man with one eye walks up to me.
“Hey,” he says. “My name is Tom Smith.”
“Hi, I’m John,” I say trying not to act terrified.
Tom and I talk about how we got there. He was there because he robbed a bank. I was so glad that he didn’t kill someone. We became really close friends. It feels good to have someone believe me and trust me.
After about an hour the guards take me back to my cell.
I try to get some sleep. I just keep thinking about my life here.
I just wish I could go back to Monica and Isabella. I miss seeing Isabella when she got off the bus. Her blonde hair blowing in the wind. I miss Monica’s cooking and her hugs. She was just tall enough to fit perfectly under my chin. I feel my cheeks go wet with tears. I’m not one to cry so easy, but I hate this. I hate not going to work, not getting Isabella’s school project, and most of all I hate that people think that I’m evil.
I am already up when the sun came up. I don’t get much sleep here I’m just too scared.i run my fingers through my brown hair. I get up out of bed and I hear snoring on the top bunk. I look up just enough so I can see over the bunk. I see a thin, pale, brown haired guy. I feel sick when I see him. It’s my twin Jackson.
Jackson wakes up after I sit down on my bed. He flops down off the top bunk.
Jackson and I say hello to each other, and I try to stay as calm as I can. I hate him so much! I just want to beat him up on the spot, but I know I will never be able to beat him, I’m just too weak.
“Why are you here?” I yell at him.
“Why are you acting so strange?”  asks Jackson.
“I don’t want to be here and I really don’t want to be here with you!”  I yell at him.
“Why do you hate me?” asks Jackson.
“Oh I don’t know maybe because you and Grandma beat me when we were younger,” I say. At that moment I am trying not to get upset but it was too late.
“That was in the past. Just let it go!” yells Jackson. I am terrified of what he will do so I just go and sit on my bed. I take the bottom bunk so I don’t have to worry about him trying to stab me through the mattress or something.
I can’t sleep. I just keep thinking about the monster that was snoring right above me. I try to think about some things he did to get here. The more I think about it the more it scares me. I just try to imagine myself back home with Monica by my side and Isabella in her room. I am starting to believe that I was home ,but then I hear one of Jackson’s snores and I am back in the dark cell. And at that moment I realize that I never knew true horror until now.
“Get up!” screams Jackson in my ear. I look at him and all I see is hatred in his eyes. It is the same look he gave me when we were little. 
“Shut up!” I yell back, as I swing my fist at his face. He leans back and dodges my punch.
“Seriously?” he asks. “You think you will be able to win a fight with me?”
I just turned on my side and tried to tune him out.
“Hey! Listen to me!” He yells over and over. I wasn’t interested with anything he had to say to me, but I still roll over to listen to him.
“I know you didn’t do it,” he says trying to be nice. I know he is just trying to make me trust him, but it won’t work. I know what he is trying to do. I will not trust him.
“I know I didn’t do it too, but there is nothing I can do,” I say calmly.
“I know, but it isn’t right,” he states.
“Why are you trying to be nice to me?” I ask looking him in the eyes. “We both know that is not like you.”
“So now I can’t care about my brother?” he asks like he is trying to make me feel sorry for him.
“You have never cared about me!” I yell as loud as I can.
“What did you even do to be here,” I say trying to stay calm. I don’t want to know what he did, but I have to know. So I’m prepared for what he will do to me.
“I killed a couple of people,” Jackson says with an evil look in his eyes.
“You are such a stupid criminal,” I whisper.
“At least I know how to have fun,” he whispers back.We keep arguing until I run out of insults. So I just let Jackson think he won.
That night I try to sleep since I haven't slept in two days. I am just starting to drift asleep and I see a shadow. The moonlight hits it and I see Jackson standing there with a knife in his hand. He runs toward me and I scream as loud as I can. He covers my mouth and I can’t breathe. I fight until I break free, but there is nowhere to go since I’m in a cell. The guards come running down the hallway and unlock the cell. I turn around and I can’t find Jackson anywhere. It was like he just disappeared. The guards drag me down the hallway and I wonder why they are taking me away instead of Jackson.
The rest of the night is just a blur. I don’t remember the rest, but the way my body hurts I’m guessing it wasn’t pleasant. I open my eyes and see nothing but white walls all around me. I touch one of them and they are soft, like if I was to run into them it wouldn’t hurt. I just then remember an article I read once about where insane people live. It looks just like this. I wonder why would I be here. I mean if anything, Jackson should be here.
Sitting here all I could think of was my past.I think most about my parents dying in a car crash when I five. It is a horrible memory. I try not to think about it, but when I see Jackson I remember every detail about what happened that day.
They were on their way to pick me up from school. A truck ran a red light and killed them both instantly. That day after school I was taken to my grandmother’s house and lived there for thirteen years. Every day my grandmother would beat me. I hated being there. It was like being here only worse. I would rather be here than at my grandmother’s.
I force myself to stop thinking about it and I try to remember all the things that have happened to me in the last month. I think of an image of me holding a knife. I scream as I remember what I did. I did kill the kids. I just didn’t know it. Jackson wasn’t real, it was me the whole time. I burst into tears thinking of all the crimes I have done. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even know I was doing them.
I am still crying when the guards walk in. At first he just stares at me like he feels sorry for me. That went away fast. He hates me like everyone else here.
“Stop crying!” he yells. “For God’s sake you deserve this!”
“I didn’t mean to do it!” I sob.
“You are going to a mental hospital,” he says.
“Okay,” I agree because I don’t want to be here anymore.
“You have a split personality,” he said calmly. “We thought so when we heard you talking to no one, but last night proved our point when you were running and screaming.
“I didn’t know he wasn’t real,” I say trying to blink the tears away.
“Let’s go,” he says.
We get in this car and I am in a straight jacket which makes me nervous. I don’t remember the rest of the car ride. I turn into Jackson. The guard says I was cursing him out the ride and trying to get out of the car. It scares me to think what if I did get out of the car. We arrive at a plain building with bars over the windows. They walk me in and take me out of my straight jacket. They take me to this bed and I lay down even though I’m not tired. I just feel sick, because the image of the kids keep coming back in my head.
“What’s wrong with him?” a nurse asks the guard.
“He has a split personality,” he replies.
“What’s his name?” she asks. She sounds like she cares about curing me, but you never know with people. And also who would care about me? No one would care if I just died.
“Jonathan Blew, and his split personality is Jackson,” he says. He actually sounds like a person outside of the prison. “Please be careful around him. He can be dangerous.” That felt like a punch in the stomach. I’m dangerous, well there is no other way to look at me.
“It’s okay he is not our first patient with this disorder,” she replies.
“Goodbye ma’am,” the guard says, then turns and walks out the door.
The nurse turns to me and smiles. She takes my hand and walks me down a long hallway to this small room.
“This is your room,” she says with a big smile. Her teeth are crooked but still white. Her long red hair is pulled up in a ponytail.
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
“I think you will be cured soon. Even though there is no real cure with therapy you can control it, ” she says as she walks out.
That afternoon I eat an apple. I haven’t been very hungry since I found out I was evil. In the corner I see a man hitting his head against the wall.  I look behind me and see a woman about in her twenties walking around a table and talking to herself. I think at least I’m not like them. Then I remember I am in a way. I’m here too with a mental disability.
After lunch I go into my first therapy session. I walk in and see a man with huge glasses and buck teeth look up at me.
“Sit,” he says. “I’m Dr. Freshwater. We have to get started.”
I sit and just stare at him waiting for him to say something.
“So Jonathan, how are you feeling?” he asks, but I know he doesn’t really care and I’m not in the mood to deal with stupidity today.
“I don’t know, how am I supposed to feel?” I say with a snap.
“You only have a split personality. You are still human. You still have feelings,” he says.
I just stare at him. He pulls out these cards with ink splattered all over them.
“I am going to have you take a Rorschachtest to see how Jonathan sees things, then we’ll have Jackson take it,” he explains to me .      
“Good luck with that,” I say looking in his bright green eyes. His brown hair was greasy and gross. My hair probably looks like that too right now.
He pulls out one card.
“What do you see in this card?” he asks with a huge grin.
“I see a bird,” I say pointing at a part of the card with what looks like a beak.
He pulls out another card and we continue the process over and over.
“You like to see things in a positive way,” he says. “Now lets have Jackson take the test.”
I don’t remember what happened after that.
A nurse walks me back to my room. We talk about how it went and how it works. She said I did very well and will be able to control Jackson in no time, but I don’t believe her. The therapist said I see things in a positive way, but I don’t think I do anymore.
I have lots more therapy, but they all seem to fail. I lose track of how long I’ve been here. I’m just hoping to be cured soon. I am beginning to become very depressed. I have to fight the thoughts of suicide. I think of it everyday. I know it is just Jackson being evil.
The next day I go back to therapy. He hypnotized me and it worked for a while, but then stopped working. I wonder if anything will work on me. I don’t think it will work. I think I’ll be stuck with Jackson for the rest of my life. I’m afraid I’ll be here forever. But I haven’t lost all hope yet. I am hoping for the best, but still expecting the worst. That’s something you had to learn about when you are a lawyer. You always want your client to win the case, but sometimes they lose.
“Jonathan, you need to pay attention,” the therapist says.
“Sorry Dr. Freshwater,” I say sadly. “I’m just out of it today.”
“Well today we are going to try hypnotism again,” Dr. Freshwater says.  
“But it didn’t work last time,” I say without looking up at him.
“You just have to trust me,” Dr. Freshwater says.
“Okay,” I say as he starts to pull out his watch.
“Just stare at the watch,” He says as he starts to swing the watch back and forth. “You can control Jackson. He doesn’t control any part of you. You will control Jackson. When I snap my fingers you will awake and control Jackson.” He snaps his fingers and I wake up.
I look around and I stop when I find Dr. Freshwater staring at me.
“Well how do you feel?” he asks.
“Fine,” I say wondering if it worked.
The nurse comes in and takes me back to my room. She opens the door and I walk in.
“You will have to stay here for a little more time to see if you can control Jackson,” the nurse says.
“Whatever you need to do,” I say with a smile. I have been happy ever since I woke up. I hope this lasts. The nurse walks out and I lay down in my bed. I drift off to sleep and everything is good.
I wake up and I don’t think of suicide. That’s how I knew I was cured. I had to stay a couple more days, but all I could think of was getting back to Monica and Isabella.
I went down to the cafeteria and I could barely eat anything, because I was so excited. I am going home in two days and I can’t wait.
I woke up and looked out the window and saw a blue skies and green grass. Everything looks so perfect right now. It makes me think about my life before all of this happened. I’m going back to that, like I never left it. The nurse walks in my room with a grin on her face.
“Are you ready to go John?” she asks.
“I was ready a long time ago,” I say as I start walking out.
She walks me to a car where I see Monica and Isabella. Isabella looks so big. Even though it has only been four months, she looks years older. I run to Monica and hug her. Then Isabella tugs at my jeans like she always used to and I bend down and pick her up. We all have a family hug. We get in the car and drive home.
On the way home Monica tells me about things that have happened to them in the past four months. I listen but don’t respond. I just sit there thinking about how my life will be perfect again.
“I’m so happy to see both of you,” I say in the middle of Monica’s rambling.
“We’re happy to see you too. We missed you so much!” Monica says with a smile. I grab her hand and hold it for the rest of the ride home.  
We pull up to the house and we all get out of the car. We walk inside and there in the house is a surprise party just for me. There is a cake that says welcome home and a banner that said we love you Johnny. I see all of my friends that I haven’t seen since the day I got arrested.  
After the party and everyone goes home I tuck Isabella in her bed for the night. Then I walk to my bedroom and crawl in bed next to Monica. I fall asleep really fast.
I drive Isabella to school on my way to work. I am worried to go to work because of Jackson, but then I remember that I can control him. Nothing will happen with Jackson. I go to work and nothing. I force myself to believe that Jackson never was here. He was just in my imagination. He’s not real. 
I wake up in the morning to Monica screaming. I run to Isabella’s room to see Monica crying on the ground. I run to her and hug her.
“Where is Isabella?” I ask.
“I don’t know, I looked everywhere,” she sobs.
We search the house, but Isabella wasn’t there. I call the cops and they say that the found a little girl’s body outside of town last night. Monica and I cry all night. We lost our one and only child. I cry even more, because I know who killed her. I don’t want to tell Monica, because I don’t want to lose her too. It was me who killed my own daughter. She trusted me and I killed her. I am a horrible person.
We have her funeral for her on Monday. It was hard to let her go. Isabella will never be forgotten. She was an amazing kid. She was going to grow up and do wonderful things, but I took that from her. I killed my own daughter. The guilt is killing me. I can’t let Monica know it was me who killed her. That secret will die with Isabella.
It takes a while, but Monica and I learn how to live with just us. It’s actually not as bad as I thought it would be. I hate kids anyway and it is much quieter than it was before. I actually somewhat like not having a kid. Not having a kid reminds me of when Monica and I first got married. No responsibilities as a parent, no having to drive her places, and no more stupid plays. I love having no kids. It is like i’m twenty four again.
I try not to think of Jackson and jail and the mental hospital. I try to focus on my now perfect life. Jackson barely ever comes and now it is just me. No more being evil. No more people fearing me, because they don’t know who they will get. They know me now. They know that there is just me. My life is and always will be perfect.