Hi.. the pitch seems great.. but there are a lot many grammatical errors... for indtance, how can your protagonist spend her entire free time choosing the same lip balm in the same store?

thats absurd. But then, your story looks intriguing.

Meanwhile, can you please check out my work,, "the diary of a teenaged lunatic" and leek some feedback?

thanks :)

I think you're off to a good start. I just wanted to point out a few things you need to fix:

Remember to punctuate your dialogue correctly and capitalize the beginning of every sentence, whether it's part of the dialogue or not. Also, if you're saying that someone is doing something while doing something else, like "But do I still have to go?" I asked hoping for a 'no'. You have to include a comma after "hoped".

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more; the summary is very interesting and I can tell the plot will be good. Keep writing!

Maybe you could check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation, and let me know what you think? Thank you! :)