The morning of the fair, I stare in the mirror with a sad expression. My hair looks awful! I can’t let Josiah see me like this. But I have no choice but to put it in a messy ponytail. How romantic. I envisioned my self with my tame curly hair that gave a flirty impression.
I’m up early since Calli texted me on her way to summer school. My father and I will pick her up from school at 12 and go straight to the fair. Ugh. How will she feel about Josiah? I don’t want her to feel like I am using her. I really did want to spend time with her. Ooh how will Josiah feel about her? Calli is a very pretty girl with many different guys wanting to be with her. What if he tries to get with her?
I push these thoughts aside and proceed to watch a television program. It is about 8:30 so I choose to watch one of my recorded “Say Yes to The Dress” programs. After a couple episodes I wander back to my room. I lie on my bed and start to read. I have three books set beside me: two for leisure and one for school. Let’s just say I am a total bibliophile. After reading a couple of pages I decide to let my eyes rest. The next thing I know is that it is 11:00. I should freshen up a bit.
Once I am ready, my father and I leave at 11:30. We head down the hill, through downtown Castro Valley, right to the bank.
“I need to go inside,” he explains. Today is a very hot day so I decide that it is best that I go inside with him.
The line takes awhile. This bank is so under staffed. When we are finally done Dad hands me some cash for the fair.
“Thanks,” I say.

It takes awhile for us to locate Calli at school (or vise versa), but then we finally get on the road. All my thoughts and fears about today crept back into my mind. I decide to tell Calli all about Josiah as soon as we get off, but I fail to do that.
Ten dollars is admission, which does not include rides. We get dropped off on the little kids side of the park, so it takes us awhile to get over to the really good stuff. I could go on and on describing all the rides, all the people we saw and spoke to but maybe in a different story, because that is not the point of this story.
When we finally sat down for some lunch, which happened to be a quesadilla that we shared, the conversation began to drift right where I wanted it too.
“So, do you like anyone,” she asks, tearing apart one of the slices.
“Well, yeah sort of,” I respond, trying my best to be nonchalant.
“Tell me about him,” she says with interest.
So I tell her all the things I told you earlier. Best friends since sixth grade, Sadie Hawkins dance and all sorts of things.
“He doesn’t know yet,” I say. But he will soon.
“Oh okay,” she replies.
“And, oh, we are going to go to this teen club thing on Sunday.”
“Really I have always wanted to go to one of those. Maybe I could ask Juan if he wants to go.”
“Oh my gosh, we could double!”
“Yeah, that would be fun.”
She tells me a little more about Juan. How they haven’t really hung out, but got to know each other. They weren’t officially dating, but they were “talking”. We continue to talk, and go on rides. I have a really good time that day. But then I suddenly notice that I haven’t seen Josiah at all. He said he would be here super early.

We settle in a grassy area to rest. The next moment, the phone rings.

“It’s Josiah,” I say to Calli then pick up the phone. “Hello.”

“Hey Layla, where are you?” he says in a direct manner.

“I’m at the fair…” I pause, knowing that Calli is listening to this conversation. Maybe if I play it off that I don’t know that he is coming, then she won’t think anything of it.

“Where at the fair?”

“Well, we’re between these two buildings. Are you here?”

“No, but I’m on my way.”

“Okay, I will see you then.”

“Alright.” He hangs up.

“He’s coming,” I tell Calli who peers at me curiously.

“Really?” she responds. “Well maybe I should invite Juan to come too, cause I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

“You won’t be a third wheel. Josiah’s nice, I think you’ll like him. But actually, it would be fun to invite Juan too.”

We left the grassy area and walked a ways to get to a bench. She starts texting Juan for awhile, then she turns to me. “He can’t get a ride.”

“Oh ok,” I reply.

She continues to text then grabs my arm. “Layla look!”

I read the text message.

“Well I might go with my Josiah tomorrow.” Juan wrote.

Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. “Wait a second. Juan? Juan!”

“Yes? What? What happened?”

My eyes are wide, my mouth dropped down. “Josiah’s good friend’s name is Juan.” I say, careful not to say “best friend”.

“Oh my gosh, do you think it’s the same Josiah!” she asks but we both know the answer.

Without a moment to waste, she texts him back. “What’s Josiah’s last name?” she asks me. I tell her, then she types it in.

“Hey, how do you know Josiah.” Juan responds. Calli and I break out laughing. That was my favorite moment of the day. A few bystanders look at us and shake their heads. I know what they are thinking. Teenagers. If they only knew.

I thought for a few moments. Now it all makes sense. Why didn’t I see this earlier? Josiah always talks about what him and Juan do together, and how they are best friends. Well, not as close as we are of course. Why didn’t I think that Josiah’s Juan and Calli’s Juan could be the same Juan? Perfect! This could be the beginning of a whole new experience for all four of us. Yes! I feel invincible. This day cannot get any better!

Now all my fears are gone. Calli will be okay with Josiah and vice versa, because they both have Juan in common. And Josiah couldn’t try to get with Calli or vice versa because of Juan. It is so weird how someone I don’t know much about is my new hero.

“Get a ride from Josiah,” Calli replied to his text message. “He is coming right now.”

“I can’t I have to babysit.” He shot back.

We sigh. Dang it! Well that’s okay, we could all go to the club on Sunday.

Shortly after, I call Josiah to tell him the good news. Straight to voice mail. Hmm. That’s odd. A couple minutes later he calls back.

“I’m here. Where are you?”

“We are by the ponies in the kid’s section.”

“Okay, I will be there in a second.”

“Alright.” I hang up. And tell Calli, “Let’s stay here he is on his way.

My adrenaline is up. I cannot wait to tell Josiah the good news!

“I think that’s him,” I say to Calli. He is walking slower now by the ponies and looks down at his phone. That’s him. He wore a black t-shirt, black jeans and a cap. I barely recognized him because he looked so good at that moment.

“Josiah?” I called a little hesitantly. He looked a little different to me, but once he looked my way there was no denying it.

“Hey what’s up?” He smiled walked over and gave me a hug. Calli stood there awkwardly.

“Hi I’m Calli.” She put out her hand.

“Nice to meet you,” they shook hands.

I couldn’t wait any longer. “So, guess what we just found out,” I say with a smirk.

“I know, I know, he told me,” Josiah says with a chuckle.

I am slightly disappointed I don’t get to break the good news to him, but I quickly recover.

“Isn’t that funny? We had no idea.”

His phone rings and he answers. “Hello… Yes… she’s standing right here!” Juan. “I’m looking right at her,” he points to Calli. “No, no, no,” he immediately struts off as if searching for some privacy. I don’t hear the rest of the conversation.

He finally hangs up and rejoins us. We talk and laugh about the Juan thing. We even make a plan to all go the teen club on Sunday together. Again, I could recount everything that happened with the three of us, but that will not contribute to the point of the story. What you need to know is we go on a few rides, see a few friends, and sit a few minutes.

Before one of the rides, I decide I want to capture something from this amazing day.

“Josiah, will you take a picture with me?” I ask.

And of course Josiah says, “Sure,” and shrugs in a way that says no-big-deal.

Calli takes my phone and we pose in a side embrace.

“Aww,” Calli exclaims. Calli! Stop.

All I do is giggle.
Josiah says, “Stop. What is this?” in a teasing manner.
She takes the picture, and I look at the result.
“Oh I don’t like it.” The wind is blowing through my bad hair, and we are both squinting because of the sun in our eyes. So we take another one and that one is not that great either, so I decide to just wait ‘til later, but Calli and I take a picture together too, which turns out okay, but kind of dark.
About thirty minutes later, we do take another picture. In this picture, we are not wrapped around each other, but that’s okay, I really don’t mind. I take one with Calli too.

After going on so many rides, we are all really thirsty because the rides make our mouths dry. So Josiah buys an icy lemonade. Now, I am a person that never shares drinks. I’m afraid of all the diseases that one can get from sharing drinks. I did not want to become a statistic. However on today, I just have to ask. I already spent most of my money and a drink at the fair is about $5. Water is $3 and I already bought a bottle earlier. So now, I’m broke.
“Josiah,” I hesitate. He sips his lemonade, while my mouth shouts for me to consume it.
“Yeeees,” he peers at me curiously, trying to read what I am thinking I suppose. If I had waited to finish my statement a few moments later, I am sure he would be able to finish it for me.
“Can I have some of your lemonade when you are done?” I ask, like a child trying to be super sweet to a parent.
“Oh,” he takes one more sip and hands it over.
“That’s all? You’re done?” I ask, staring at a large half cup of lemonade in my hand.
“Yeah, go ahead. It’s fine.”
I look at him skeptically. He bought it. He should have the largest portion. “Are you sure,” I ask again.
“Layla, just take it,” he gives me a reassuring look.
I give in. Who am I to argue? I take a large portion of what is left then Calli takes a few sips.

No matter what the time of day is today, the temperature stays consistent; HOT. At the fair, there are several buildings (air-conditioned buildings) that hold restrooms and different people promoting services or products. Calli tells us she has to use the restroom, so she goes inside while Josiah and I wait by the water fountains.
I can’t remember what Josiah is saying, because I am not even listening. I do the classic smile and nod trick and I think it works. Should I say it? What if I’m making a mistake? Come on Layla it’s now or never! Be confident! He clearly feels the same way. What if he doesn’t? Hurry before Calli comes back!
Then I replay the conversation with Josiah that I had a few days earlier over the phone:
“So say this girl likes this guy,” I asked, in moment of truth time. “What should she do?”
“Um you should, I mean, she should be straight up with him.”
“Okay good to know,” I responded. He continued to inquire me, but I did not want to tell him over the phone because someone did that to me before and I thought it was pathetic. I’ve been waiting all this week to tell him in person, so that even though it would be really awkward, it would not seem sincere. I know I can tell Josiah anything, so why would this change that? Even though he told me to feel free asking him to the dance, I feel that there is a lot more to it. Our whole relationship is about feeling free. I feel free to confide in him. I feel free to act like a total fool, because I know he would never judge me. And now in this very moment, I feel free to share how I feel. I’m going to be “straight up”, just like he advised me.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” I say cautiously looking at him. His face is expressionless, then he nodded, anxious for me to continue.
“Well I… like you,” I wince.
He still seems very nonchalant and he says, “I already knew that.”
Whaaaaaaaaaatttttttt?! I know he can read my mind but dang! I feel the confusion sweep over my face as I wait a couple seconds for more coming from him, but he looks down and falls silent.
“How,” I say faintly.
While I am saying it he responds, “Cause Calli asked me if I liked you, and anyways it’s kinda obvious.”
My head starts to spin. I am dumbfounded. I have to replay everything that just happened over in my head before I can actually make sense of it. Did I miss something here? In my vision of this moment, he didn’t respond like that, I wasn’t confused like this. This can’t be happening! I search for Calli from the restroom doors. Hurry! Lucky for me, she comes out a few seconds later.
“Kay let’s go,” I don’t dare look at Josiah. Calli has no idea what just happened but she certainly has some explaining to do. Who gave her permission to intervene in my romantic endeavors?

I stay quiet as we get in line to go on our last ride. Everyone that knows me well knows that when I go silent, it’s bad news. So Josiah (knowing me better than anyone) has to know what is going on, but he ignores it and stays silent as well. His phone rings, and he goes out of line a ways. I tell Calli everything from the moment she went into to the bathroom.
“Oh I’m sorry Layla, I shouldn’t have said anything,” she replies.
“It’s okay, it’s my fault.”
Josiah comes back and the silence continues. I do speak to Calli a little bit. I’m not about to throw a huff about this whole situation. I’m not mad at Josiah or Calli, but I am really pissed at myself. I thought I saw all the signs. The calls. The lemonade. The club. The dance. The secrets. The calls. What did I miss? Maybe he’s just a really REALLY close friend. And a great one at that.
The ride does not faze me, which is a first for the day. All three of us are quiet, lost in our own thoughts.
Once the ride is over Calli and I go to grab our bags. Josiah stands waiting for us. I don’t dare look at him for shame, and I also know that once our eyes meet, he can read me like an open book.
“Well my parents texted me that they will be here in ten minutes,” I say, looking strictly at Calli. “We should head over.”
“Well we don’t want to get there and they’re not there.”
“Fine,” I say, disappointed that she doesn’t take the hint.
I felt Josiah staring at me. His eyes bore into me, and I’m not even looking at him.
“What!” I snap and look up. Yep, just like how I feel. He has a blank stare. HE is reading my thoughts again. I hate that! He sees under my desperate attempt to act totally okay when I am definitely not.
‘What’s up with you.’ his eyes scream, but he backs off.
We sit on a four-sided cement block that has a lamp coming out of it. We are each on one side. Nobody dares to talk to anyone else. We just sit in silence. Calli texts, Josiah plays with his phone, and I just sit there, thinking.
He led me on. This is not my fault it’s his! Just forget this whole thing. The worst is over. We’ll recover.

Little did I know that that was the last day I would talk to Josiah. He canceled the whole club plan, and he disappeared after that. I tried to save whatever was left of our relationship but he still refuses to speak to me. Calli tried to help us, including Troy and Alice.
Two weeks later Calli invited me to Juan’s birthday party but I told her that wasn’t a good idea because Josiah hates me. Calli refused to believe me and she even convinced him to tell me that he doesn’t hate me. I told him that I believe him but I wasn’t really telling the truth. What is it called when you don’t hate someone but refuse to associate with them, at all? If that isn’t hate, then I don’t know what is.
Now all my memories of him haunt me. One of the main memories was in April, Troy, Josiah, and I went out for ice cream on Josiah’s birthday. We had a really great time and even after that Josiah exclaimed how much he loved my homemade card for him.


Everyday I have these flashbacks. Too many to count. Every night I wait for his call and realize that he won’t call, then I sigh. Why? I realize that I brought this on myself and I hate that knowledge. I still have so many questions that lie in my mind, forever unanswered. I guess that freedom in friendship has its limits and communicating that is key in keeping relationships.