I pulled on my headphones and messed around on the swings for a little. Next thing I know it was 7:30. Oh shizz! I though, I’m going to be late. I texted my mom, Hey! Sorry I can’t say goodbye face to face, I have to get to the airport.! See you in 3 months! I rushed and panicked, I have 30 minutes to get to the airport and onto my plane. I got to the airport actually a little early, and got my stuff situated. So I had a couple minutes left and I bought so gum and my favorite candy for the long plane ride. When I walked to board the plane I got so many stares it isn’t funny. I’m nothing to look at, but I guess to other people I am. I board the plane, find a seat and eat my Swedish fish that I got. I feel asleep to You Had Me At Hello by A Day To Remember (really good song look it up!) and I also woke up to the same song when the attendant said buckle up for the landing.

We landed and it was a little bumpy. I got off, grabbed my bags and looked for my dad, though I only found our driver. (You could say we were rich) and also my best friend Lynsey waiting for me. No surprise in finding no dad there, though my driver said he had stuff to do, I wasn’t listing. Me and Lynsey caught up with things that we couldn’t say over texting/e-mailing and calling. “Just drop me and Lynsey off at her house please Luke?” I asked he was pretty sweet.
“Sure Rose, just grab anything you need out of the trunk.” Luke replied with a smile.
I grabbed my clothes my shoes and my laptop and my make-up though I don’t wear much of the stuff. All the things I couldn’t live with (rather than the make-up of course.) I already had my cell phone in my pocket. We went into Lynsey’s room and hung out for a little. We ended up doing each other up, getting ready to go out for the night in town.

We walked downstairs, I have to admit we looked pretty good in out skinny jeans flip flops and tank tops. “Hey Rose! Come in here and meet my brother!” Lynz yelled at me from the kitchen. Brother? Then I remembered that her dad got remarried after her mom died 5 years ago.
I walked into the kitchen and my jaw basically dropped at the sight I saw. A guy with jet black hair… wait for it… and the emo/scene cut! With green eyes, I swear he was my dream come true. Lynsey tried to hold back a laugh. “Hello Lynsey’s best friend.” He said. My god I might stammer when I speak, I thought. “Hi… my name is Rose.” My god was I glad I didn’t stammer in front of him. “My name is Josh.” Okay, then both me and Lynsey started to laugh, leaving Josh pretty clueless, then we couldn’t help but laugh harder at Josh’s face as he tried to figure out what we were laughing about. My god is he gorgeous I thought. “Okay, we have to go now!” Lynsey practically shouted though we were only inches away. I laughed while she pulled me out the front door. “My god Lynsey.. your brother is freakin’ gorgeous!” I whispered. Lynsey laughed while we walked past stores filled with clothes, shoes and nameless other things.

“Welcome to the beach party!” Lynsey said. I looked around and saw a bunch of guys and girls my age around a huge camp fire. “ I don’t know about this Lynz…” I wasn’t very pretty or into this kind of stuff. I just kept walking with Lynsey till she stopped in front of a group of about 7 guys and girls. I was surprised to see her brother there, though we started before him. Lynsey started to introduce me to her friends but I didn’t pay any attention. “Earth to Rose…” Lynsey waved her hand in front of my face. “Sorry lost in my thoughts again” I replied while blushing, pretty embarrassing if you asked me. Good thing I wore my bikini under this thing I thought. “Hey it’s a little too hot for me, so I’m going to take a swim.” I whispered to Lynsey so none of her friends would follow me, or even her for the matter. “Okay, just remember we are living in 25 minutes.” Lynsey replied to me. I walked off down the beach and placed my towel down and went in. When I came up there was someone sitting on my towel, I couldn’t see that far so I got out seeing who it was. To my surprise it was Josh, last time I seen him a girl named Emily was all over him. ”Oh hello there? Shouldn’t you be with that Emily chick?” He just laughed.

“No actually, I got tired of her hanging onto my like I was her boyfriend and saw you went missing and asked Lynsey where you went.” Josh replied. Of course Lynsey would tell him where I went, I thought. “Yeah parties aren’t really my thing…” I said. “You seem like a party girl to me” Josh replied while having a smirk on his face. Wow, I must seem way different than I am to him than I am to me. “I’m really shy around strangers…” I was hiding a blush as I said that. “You don’t seem to shy around me.. maybe it’s because I’m so gorgeous!?” Josh laughed. I was blushing like crazy, I thought Lynsey was going to keep that a secret! “Ha! You wish!” I said while running to get back. While he was talking I slipped back on my clothes. “Hey not fair! You have a head start!” Josh yelled. Though he was almost caught up with me, man he is fast I thought I got back to the party just in time to leave. Thank god I thought, no more people to deal with, but I was wrong. Lynsey had a guy named James by her side. “Hey Rose, I hope you don’t mind but James is going to walk me home.” I smiled I didn’t mind. “Nah, Josh said he was going to take me home and use a short cut.” I replied. Lynsey shot me a look that said, oooo he likes youuu. I blushed, I seriously doubt that thought. “Let’s go Rose!” Josh pulled me away, he must not like James I thought. On the way home we ended up in some dark alleys, pitch black to. “Um, Josh, this is pretty embarrassing, but I’m afraid of pitch black..” I blushed. “It’s alright, my sister is to, though you probably already knew that.” He said laughing. I did, suddenly I felt his hand slip into mine, I held it a little tighter and he gave mine a little squeeze. I felt at home. “Is that a little better Rose?” He asked. “Yes, thank you Josh” I smiled.

We actually made it home after Lynsey, it was around 12:30 when we walked into that door. “Why hello Rose and my lovely brother Josh.” Lynsey smirked. “Hello Lynz” We both said. I ran upstairs to change into a pair of PJ pants and a new tank top. When I went down stairs Lynsey and Josh were sitting down starting to watch The Hills Have Eyes. Lynsey knew I didn’t like this movie very much, it actually scared me a little. She has a trick up her sleeve I thought. I sat down in the middle of them after I grabbed a blanket. After about 20 minutes Lynsey got up and yawned. “Hey guys, I’m pretty tired I’m going to bed.” Lynsey said to us. Neither of us moved but both of us said “Goodnight Lynsey” and continued to watch the movie while she went upstairs. I ended up lying on Josh though he didn’t mind. I guess we both fell asleep because when Lynsey woke me up, I was laying on Josh. Lynsey ended up walking out of the room and Josh kissed me real quick, of course I kissed back. “Good morning Sunshine.” Josh murmured in my ear. I just smiled, this is amazing I thought. “Good morning Joshy.” I said back. I got up and walked to Lynsey’s room and started to undress, before I heard someone clear their throat behind me. Opps, I thought. “Sorry Rose” Josh said. “Next time, please knock!” I replied. He was blushing and it was so cute. I let my mind wander on him until he spoke to me. “Want to go to the beach today, with only me?” I smiled. “Sure, if Lynsey is okay with it, I’m up to spending the day with you.” I replied. He smiled and my heart just melted a little more than it already had.

I already asked Lynsey if it was fine if we went to the beach and she said yes. So we packed a picnic and off we went. “I’m glad we could spend the day together” Josh said. I smiled, I was really happy about it. “I’m happy about it also.” I smirked. We ended up going to a crowded beach which happened to have a surf shop right next to it. When I and Lynsey always used to go to the beach, we always rented one. So I eventually learned to surf. “Hey Josh! I will be right back in a minute!” I shouted, I was already half way there. “Okay Rose! I will be waiting right here!” Josh shouted back at me. I went into the surf store and Beaner was already heading to the back. Ben was his real name, but at the cook outs we had he would always eat the beans. So hence the name “beaner”. “There you go Rose, your favorite board!” He smiled. “Thanks again Ben!” I ran out the door. Josh was waiting by the edge of the spot he picked. He was surprised when he seen the board, I smiled and put it down. “Surprised?” I said smirking, “Oh yes very, but you are a girl full of surprises.” Josh replied laughing. I wanted to catch some of the waves that were coming in, so I grabbed my board and went out. Josh sat on my towel and watched, I ended the show with the tube wave that formed. “Wow! Rose that was pretty amazing!” Josh smiled at me. I blushed, I was out of breath so I grabbed my water out of the bag I brought. “Thanks Josh, so do you want to eat or go swimming?” I laughed. “Let’s eat, after all that work I seen you do, I’m pretty hungry.” He laughed. He made himself sound fat though he really isn’t. We ate lunch then went swimming after, it was around 5:00 when we got out, well I got carried out. Then we started walking, “Hey Josh can you give me a piggy back ride!?” I said in a little kid voice. He laughed but said sure.

When we got home, Lynsey asked if we could double date with her and James. We both said yes, so I and Lynsey went upstairs to get ready. I got into the shower and while I was in there, she did her make-up and hair. I got out, straightened my hair, and put on mascara, let the war begin. The war being the fact about picking out something to wear. I ended up wearing a short purple mini dress that looked really, really cute. We went to a restaurant on the beach that got us a perfect view of the sunset. “Josh, this is James, my boyfriend” Lynsey said. “Hello James, I’m Josh, Lynsey’s brother, break her heart, I break your neck.” He said rather politely for what he said. I just sat there quiet. “James, this is Josh’s girlfriend, I think? And my best friend Rose.” I smiled. Yeah, I was Josh’s girlfriend, he asked me out on the beach. I was so happy. “Hello James. Same thing Josh said, break her heart, I break you.” I said while smiling. I’m not a nice person when someone messes with my best friend. Not at all. “Rose and Josh, be nice!” We both laughed. “We are just warning him!” We both said at the same time. “Oh it’s alright, I understand it, and it’s just like me with my sister.” James replied. We all sat down for dinner and enjoyed it. James and Lynsey ended up going home while we walked the boardwalk. “Thank god we got rid of that James guy, I didn’t like him.” I said. “Me either, he seemed like a self-conceded jerk.” I laughed when Josh said that. I agreed fully with him. Josh ended up buying me a couple pretty seashell bracelets and an ankle bracelet of my favorite color green. We walked hand in hand until the beach. We watched the sun finish setting until the moon and stars came up, then I ended up laying on him for a little until it got around 9:30 and we went home. A great ending to a great day.

I got home after taking a shower and packing my stuff up. It was about midnight when I got my keys and let myself into the house, I was so tired so I went straight to bed. I woke up in the morning when my dad slammed my door shut.
So here was this big muscle guy that pretty tall thats waking me up in the morning first thought? Oh sh**. "ROSE MARIE where in the F*** have you been!" He screamed. "I've been at Lynseys! I had Luke tell you and I've even left a message on your cell phone." I managed to stay calm.
I can't believe he didn't even listen to his own daughters voice-mail or even have the manners to call back. "Bull! I've checked my cell and I was never told by Luke." He was getting red in the face, never a good sign.
I'm glad I still had my gym bag packed, I may be in PJ pants and a tank top but screw him. I got up, put my hair in a pony tail and started towards the door. "And where in the world do you think YOUR going!?" He slapped me so hard it left a hand print. "I'm going to Lynseys, goodbye." I said, and walked out of my dads house probably for the last time. I started walking and then running and crying, by the time I got to Lynseys I was close to bawling. I rang the door bell at her house and she answered, saw the hand print and pulled me into a hug. She knew my dad could be sometimes abusive so she let me stay, Josh walked into the living room and saw me crying, he just came silently and hugged me.

After about 30 minutes of hot tears and telling Josh what happened and about my dad being abusive I took a long hot shower. After I got out, dried and into actual clothes, my phone rang. I looked down and it was a unknown number, oh well I thought. "He...hello? I stuttered.
"Hello? Is this Rose Johnson?"
"Yes it is" I was curious by now.
"This is Emily. I'm calling from Columbus Ohio hospital. Your mom has been in a terrible accident and is in I.C.U."
"Oh. My. God" I whispered.
"I'm sorry, but I suggest you come soon."
"I'm on my way" I whispered.
I yelled for Lynsey and Josh and explained what happened and told them to follow me to my dads house, I grabbed about $7,000.00 and told Luke to drive us to the airport.
"I called my mom and she already has clothes waiting for all three of us" Josh said.
Only thing I could muster at the minute was a small thanks. He held me while I bout 3 round trip tickets for around $1,500.00 just in time to catch the last plane.
I fell asleep on Josh and woke up to him shaking me, "Come on hun, its time to get off" He said.
We got off the plane grabbed our clothes, got a cab and went to the hospital.
"Mom!" I cried, she looked really bad.
"Rose... I love you no matter what." She hugged me and after saying that I held her hands for about 5 minutes and felt nothing.
"Nooooo!" I screamed. Josh and Lynsey pulled me away I was sobbing. Josh held me tight while Lynsey just quietly tired to sooth me. The nurse came out and told me she was dead, I just sobbed some more. I suddenly felt dizzy and next thing I knew, I felt like I was falling.

What’s next?

After coming home from the hospital I jumped in the shower and got into my pj shorts and a tank top. I came down and Josh went and jumped into the shower, Lynsey took one in my bedroom. “How’re you doing Rose?” Lynsey asked carefully. I had to think for a moment and replied “Physically fine, mentally still a little unstable.” She managed a weak smile and hugged me tightly for a minute. Josh got out of the shower and we made dinner; homemade pizza. We didn’t talk much because of what happened earlier and after dinner I had to call the funeral home and make arrangements for my mother. It felt so weird. I held back tears after the call and explained what was going to happen. “Okay my mom’s funeral with my next Monday and it’s going to be small and quick so we won’t have a lot of people going” I said quietly. “Okay dear, that works, I think you need rest love...” Josh whispered. I nodded my head in response because my throat was closed up fighting the battle against tears. We went upstairs and he tucked me in, yes he did tuck me in. I shut my eyes and fell right asleep, while I was sleeping Josh and Lynsey checked in with their parents.

I guess Lynsey’s mom told my dad that my mother passed because I got up in the morning to 5 new voicemails from him. First few were worried then the other 3 were unpleasant; yelling and tons of it. “Bitch why don’t you answer!?” “Just cause your mom died doesn’t mean you can’t answer your phone!” the last one was “You stupid little bitch answer me” If I thought I was already unstable that made it much worse. I simply texted him telling him to send my clothes and money to Lynseys house because I wasn’t going to live with him and never got a text back. I went downstairs and made pancakes for everyone while we ate it was silent and awkward. I decided to just make some weird noise to break the awkwardness and proposed an idea. “Why don’t we just go to the beach?” Lynsey and Josh seemed to like the idea and off we went to Pymatuning Lake.

It was a few days after my mom’s funeral and we already got rid of the stuff we didn’t want or need and kept the rest. We found her will and there wasn’t much to it, a few things were Lynsey’s and the rest was mine. The house was ours and so that went to me. I didn’t want it because it reminded me to much of my mother and I really needed money. “Okay so that’s settled” I said aloud, we were all gathered in the living room listening to music and Ushers song “Yeah!” came on and we started to dance. Dancing lifted our spirits a lot which was surprising cause they were pretty low after everything that’s happened. It was around 6:30 so we decided to go to dinner at a local restaurant called Country side, “Oh my gosh this food is so much better than I remembered” Lynsey let out a happy sigh and Josh just made a noise of agreement. I knew me and Lynsey liked the place so I was hoping to figure out if Josh did too, and he did. After the dinner we went to the lake and just walked on the beach for a while and headed towards home. We all called and told their mom that we’d be home soon and put in a movie, we all ended up falling asleep.

After being in Ohio for a while we all decided we needed to go back to California. While I was packing all my stuff (We sold the house already so I didn’t have to worry about that) I came across a picture of me and my mom at the lake smiling like we had no cares in the world. “I miss you.” I whispered and we left for our plane. I dozed for a few hours on the plane and for the rest of the time Lynsey, Josh and I just messed around and threw stuff at each other; after a while the flight attendant came and told us to stop. We laughed but stopped and I was thinking of how I’d never be back in Ohio unless I visited, it was a difficult thought. Knowing I was going to live with my best friend and my boyfriend eased it up a bit though. We landed and got our bags then grabbed a taxi back to our house; by the time we got home it was 6:30. Lynsey’s mom and dad were out but said they were going to be home soon since they knew what time we were going to get in. We made dinner (Don’t let that we fool you, by we I meant Lynsey and I) We all ate and then put a movie in, by the time her parents got in we were all passed out on the couch.

After a few days in Cali and not in Ohio, things started to set in, the fact that my mom was gone for good, I lived closer to my dad and I lived in Hollywood. I was walking to the kitchen when Josh pulled me to the side. ”Hey are you okay, you haven’t seemed like yourself lately” he mumbled the last part. I was a little shocked anyone noticed but I had to lie, what else was I supposed to do. “Yeah, I’m fine no need to worry, not even the least bit” I was lying through my teeth. I walked away and I thought I heard him whisper “I will always worry about you” but I wasn’t sure. I had tears in my eyes when I got a drink and went back to my room. I closed my door and turned on my music almost full blast. I grabbed a razor I hid in my room and I walked slowly back to my bed. I sat down and looked at the piece of paper and picture in my hand. I whispered to myself “I miss you mom, so much” and started to sob. I soon started to re-cut my hips and soon after I started to become numb with both physical and mental pain; I started to slice into my wrists. I pushed harder and put more pressure without realizing it I hit a vein and within a few minutes or seconds I couldn’t tell I started to get dizzy and was about to pass out. The last thing that I remember is Josh bursting into my door and staring with horror at me and me whispering “I’m so sorry” I felt a heaviness start to come over me and I let it take my pain away.