"Dad!" Running footsteps approached my room door and it burst open. Our house really wasn't that big. It was one-story pale house and we lived in the middle with two houses on each side of us. As soon as you walk through the door there's my parents room, then across from their room is my room. The bathroom that i use is beside my room and down the hall is the dining room. The dining room has a single sofa and a flat screen up on the wall. There's a few pictures of my family and me hanging up. Across from the dining room is the kitchen. It's a really small kitchen but everything has a place.

"What's wrong Von? Are you in any pain? You need medicine? A doctor?" he said frantically.

"Dad no i'm fine. I just wanted to know when mom would be home and if you could go pick up Lyric so we can talk about this."

"Son you two can't talk about it. Lyric filed a restraining order."

"A RESTRAINING ORDER?!? AGAINST ME?!?"

"I'm sorry. But your mom will be here in about an hour or so and-"

"Are you kidding me? You know what, f*ck that restraining order. I'm gonna go see her. It's only been 2 weeks!!"

"Well many restraining orders that are filed as an emergency can be finalized in about 7 days, a.k.a a week. Especially if filed as domestic violence which they usually are."

"But dad, you don't understand. Lyric would never file a restraining order against me. There's just no way! I need to see her, to talk to her."

"I really can't see that happening Von. I will talk to your mother and see if she can talk to Lyric's mother. Other than that, you should really not stress, you need all the rest you can-"

"Wait, are we gonna have to go to court?! Dad I can't even remember what happened! What am-"

"Your mother and I are going to get some witnesses for you. They're gonna tell you everything that happened. We also hired you a lawyer. The hearing is in 2 months so we have plenty of time. Everyone just wants you to rest right now."

"Well that's just great" I say sarcastially.

"Von I'm not condoning what you did in anyway. Beating women really isn't the way to go and I taught you better than this. I'm really dissapointed but i'm also extremely concerned about you and your health. I want you to heal."

"I'm really sorry dad. Even if i did have an excuse, nothing could really explain why I hit Lyric. No matter how mad i got at her."

"Do you need anything else?"

"No sir, thanks."

A few hours later mom came home. She rushed into my room. My mom really was beautiful. She had pretty dark skin and these flowing waves of hair which she constantly straightened. She was 5'4, had doe eyes, and wore tons of mascara. She also adored hoop earrings, dad didn't care for em that much. She looked panicked and stressed all the time but underneath that panicked look was a beautiful, bright smile. Her name was Vanessa. Her maiden name was Willow but her married name is Cunningham. I'm not sure what her middle name is, she has never told me and apparently my dad is sworn to secrecy.

My dad's name is Charles Cunningham. Well his mom named him Charlie but if anyone calls him that he has a b*tch fit. He's brown-skinned, 5'10, has these big muscles and has really curly hair which he usually has braided back. There's not really a way i can describe my dad without sounding like i obsess over him but he really is good-looking and my mom and him make an awesome couple.

"Hey Vonny, you doing okay?", my mom whispers.

"Yeah mom, I'm doing alright. I just miss Lyric. Can you tell me anything about what happened that night?"

"Your father didn't tell you anything?"

"Well he did but he kinda just summed it up, I need to know how and why it started."

"You think I know what would enrage you enough to hit a woman? No I don't know. We both raised you better than that Von. You know way better."

"I know mom and I'm sorry. If only I knew though I could justify my-"

"Justify?! Putting your hands on a female? Giving her a busted lip? Black eye? I'm not gonna say you deserve what you got but Von....Von baby, when it closer to the court date your father and I are gonna gather up all the witnesses and we're all gonna discuss it together. Until then just hang tight and rest up."

"Yes ma'am."

"Would you like dinner?"

"No thanks mom. I'm just gonna go to bed for the night."

She smiled and said, "Okay Vonny. I love you."

"I love you too mom."

She closed my room door and went across the hall to their room. I heard them talking, more like whispering. I went to listen in on them. I heard little bits and pieces like my dad saying things like "Shameful and Dissapointing" and my mom following up with "Jail and Police". I went back to my room quietly and got back into bed. As I tried to lay down my back made a pop. It hurt like hell but I didn't dare make a sound. I heard their room door open and I laid down as fast as i could, pretending to be asleep. There was a small knock and my mom walked in, still in her mail clerk uniform.

"Honey, here's your medicine. Here's some water too. I love you."

"Thanks mom. Love you too."

She left back out and I decided I was gonna have to sneak out tonight. I had no idea what time it was or how I was gonna get there but I was going to go to Lyric's house. Since it's only a one-story house it was easy for me to sneak out the window. Not really easy but more like convenient. With my back like this, nothing was really easy anymore. I put my shoes on and climbed out slowly. My back made another pop, but it sounded more like a crack, like my back cracking under pressure. I winced and just kept climbing out. I closed the window bak but left it open a little bit so I could get back in easily. I began walking the streets, I had nothing on but some shorts and a white tee. It was super dark and my eyes weren't really adjusting. I tried squinting them but that wasn't working.

Lyric's house was about 10 minutes from mine. On foot anyway. I didn't think I was gonna be able to make it so I just walked to Elijah's house who was 4 houses down. I knocked on the door and heard Cj run up to the door yelling "I got it mommy!" He opened the door and yelled, "Mommy it's Von its Von!" Ms. Asher came to the door with a bright smile on her face.

"Well Von how are you!? How have you been?"

I smiled and admired her beauty. She had pale lightskin and her braided hair was in a bun. She had on red lipstick and wore this brown dress.

"I'm doing alright. I came to see Elijah."

"Of course! Make yourself at home. He's in his room. I'm going out tonight so you guys behave and please watch Cj."

"Yes ma'am we will. Thank you."

Their house was just like ours except instead of a dining room, they just had one big kitchen. I went down the hall to Elijah's room. His door was covered with stop sign stickers and keep out signs. I knocked and he said "Go away."

"Yo Ej, it's me Von."

I heard rustling noises and then the door opened. I looked at him like I hadn't seen him in weeks, which wasn't really an exaggeration.

"Yooooo Von. We missed you dawg. How you doing?"

"Wasgood Ej. I'm alright."

He invited me in and we started playing the game. GTA was our favorite game to play together. His room wasn't all that big like mine. Just the door, a closet, a bed and a t.v on the wall.

"How'd you get over here? You need to be laying down by the looks of things."

"Well I was headed to Lyric's house but-"

"That b *tch. The f*ck you wanna see her for. She beat yo ass dawg. Not only did she beat yo ass but she talked to the feds. You know how that go."

"I don't really remember anything. I woke up in a hospital bed and everyone's acting ike they can't give me the damn story. I was gonna go see her and see what happened and if she's okay."

"Dawg, believe me she's great. She f*cked you up and you checking on her? She need to be checking on you."

"My mom told me she filed a restraining order."

"Restraining order? and you was still gonna go over there. She got you p*ssy-whipped or something."

"No she- well no. It goes deeper than that."

"I bet it do go deep" he let out a hearty laugh.

I chuckled and said, "Bro you a clown"

"Seriously doe Von, she not worth your time no more. She had her chance. Too late. Shut the gate."

"It's deeper than that Ej."

"Well that's your buisness." He hopped off the game and got in the bed, proceeding to text someone, probably a girl.

Ej and I were like pimps. We always got everyone's attention. When I got tied down with Lyric, there were a lot of things that Ej and I couldn't do together like pimp females together or go to parties but I loved Lyric. He would always say, "We are young, attractive, 17 year old's and you wanna go on and get tied down so early?!" Ej believed in preservation. I believed in committment but either way, we were dawgs since second grade.

"I'm gonna go check on Cj and then I'm gonna make sum to eat. Whatchu want?"

"Whatever you make" I said not even feeling hungry.

My head was feeling dizzy again and my eyes weren't adjusting to anything. I didn't wanna let on anything though so I played it cool but I was gonna have to lay down soon.

"Cj take yo little ass to sleep! I'm not playing witchu."

I heard Ej yelling at Cj. Cj was an energetic little 5 year old and Ej was a hot-tempered, easily annoyed 18 year old. We were both 18 but he was so much different than me. Well maybe not. Maybe we do have the same temper. What else could explain me f*cking Lyric up like that?

 
 
 
 
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I didn't remember falling asleep but I woke up staring at the ceiling. I sat up straight, sweat drenching my forehead and shirt. I began to panic. I came to the realization that I wasn't in my room. My back was aching and my head was hurting. I looked around for Ej and didn't see him. I got up and walked down the hall. He was in the Kitchen making something.

"Yo Ej, why you ain't wake me up?"

"Dawg, you need to be resting. Go lay back down."

"Nah man, I gotta get back home. My mom and dad don't know I'm over here. what time is it?"

"Oh damn. How the f*ck did you hobble yo ass over here by yourself? It's 9:45."

"I have 15 minutes before my mom's alarm goes off. I doubt i'm gonna make it."

"Just call them."

"With what phone? They got my sh*t in evidence."

"I know that dummy. Go borrow mine. It's on the dresser."

"Thanks bro."

I went into the bedroom and dialed my mom's number. It rang once, twice, three times.

"Hello? Elijah?"

"Hey mom. No it's not him it's me. I'm sorry I snuck out i just-"

"Von! What were you thinking, leaving out the house like that!? Don't move, i'm on the way over right now!"

With that being said she hung up. I had an even bigger headache but atleast i didn't have to climb back through that damn window.

"What she say?"

"You know how it go. She's on the way over here though to pick me up."

"Solid. Well, I guess you won't be eating with me. Could you go wake Cj up for me though so he can eat."

"For sure."

I went down the hall to get Cj. His room door was covered in superhero stickers. Mainly batman. I knocked twice. I heard rustling and then silence. I knocked two more times. Nothing. I tried the door, it was locked. I knocked rhythimically and waited for him to get annoyed by it. He evebtually got up and opened the door.

"Morning Von."

"Cj, my boy. Ej says you can wake up and come get sum to eat."

"Okay. Thanks."

I was about to close the door when Cj asks me, "Hey von, what happened to you?"

"I'm not even sure for myself little man."

I went back downstairs and the doorbell rang. I saw my mom through the peephole. I opened the door and she gave me "the look". That, "don't even think about it" look. I smiled sheepishly and said "Morning Mom."

"I'm not in the mood Von. Where's Ms. Asher?"

"She never came back home I guess. Ej's making breakfast if you-"

"Absolutely not. Go get in the car."

I went and sat in the car. My head was throbbing and my back felt like someone cut me deep. I saw her coming towards the car. She looked pissed. She got in and just drove. It was the silence that really guilted me.

"Mom I-"

"Save it for your father."

We pulled into the driveway and my dad was waiting there. He helped me into the house and my mom drove off to work.

"Von what do you think your'e doing?"

"Dad, I just wanted some answers. I really just wanted to go see Lyric but-"

"Von godamnit! How many times do I have to explain restraining order to you or need I explain what the f*ck happened to you! She beat the sh*t out of you and you still trying to- You know I just don't believe what I'm hearing right now. This is ridiculous. Just-"

With that, he helped me to my room and slammed the door behind him. I don't understand why everyone is acting like this. Lyric was my girlfriend, hell more than just my girlfriend. Why can't nobody respect that. I got in the bed and just laid there. What else was there to do?

A few hours later my dad walked in with some water and my pain medication.

"I'm sorry about earlier son. I had no right to snap like that but, your mother and I just want you to be okay. Honestly, you couldv'e died that night."

"It's not your fault dad. I'm sorry I put you guys through this."

"Your mom called Lyric's mom...and um Lyric happens to want to talk to you. That is if you want to."

"Of course I want to talk to her dad. Did she say anything else about me? Does she miss me?"

"She said she has something to tell you but she's not gonna remove the restraining order."

"At least she wants to talk to me though. Thats a good sign right?"

"Sure Von. Of course it is."

He walked out the room, leaving me with all of my thoughts again.

A knock at my bedroom door woke me up.

"Von, son wake up. The cops are here. They just want to talk to you. See how it's going okay?"

"Cops? Already? i just got out the damn hospital yesterday!"

"I know son but, well just answer any questions as best as you can. If you want them to go then I'll ask them to leave."

Dad went back to the door and let these 2 cops in. One was white and the other was black. What a f*cking pair. The white one looked new, not very experienced, a little nervous. The black one looked more experienced, like he was used to this sort of thing. "Been there, Done that" kind of guy.

"Hello Mr. Cunningham, I'm officer Stevens, this is my partner Roy Clemons" said the black officer. "We just want to check in on you and-"

"Save it" I said, cutting him off. My dad gived me this look like I better watch my tone.

"I mean, like you can save the whole "nice guys checking up on kid who almost died routine" because I know your'e just making sure that as a suspect I remember everything and I'm reliable and all."

The white cop a.k.a Roy says, "Well that's right Von. Seems like your'e onto us but yes, we need to make sure you are reliable, meaning your brain retained any information. The trial is in a few weeks and we need to know that you can stand on that witness stand and tell us everything that happened and more, including events that led up tp everything."

I smiled and asked, "Anything else?"

"As a matter of fact yes" Officer Stevens says. "We need you to have a brainscope concussion test."

"My doctor has already made an appointment for that for next week. Anything else?"

"That's all folks" Roy says

I'm not sure if he was trying to be comical or what but they both left the room and dad followed behind to show them out. I laid back down pissed off as f*ck. How dare they come to my house and-. And do what Von? Their Job? Dad walked back into the room and smiled at me.

"You sure got guts Son. I guess I raised you well after all. I love you."

"I love you too Dad."

Whenever mom got home, I was dead asleep because I didn't wake up until the next morning. There were pain pills on my nightstand and a bottle of water. There was a little note that read,

"We've gone to the store Vonny. Be back soon. Love mom and dad. Ps: Stay your ass in the house."

I smiled and got up to shower. It was kind of hard because of the brace, I had to take it off myself and that was an exercise itself. Moving my arms this much and my neck really f*cking hurt. I needed to talk to Lyric as soon as possible. When I got done with my shower, mom and dad came in the house. Mom went in my room to check on me and saw that I wasn't in there.

"Von! Are you in the bathroom honey?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute. I need help getting my back brace back on."

"Okay. Let me know when you're ready."

I heard her footsteps descend down the hall and I proceeded to get dressed. A few minutes later I called her into the room to help me into my back brace and then the big news came.

"Vonny, honey, Lyric has insisted she wants to talk to you. I think it's really important. The only thing is, you two are not to make up any stories or match each other stories. She's not allowed to tell you anything more than what she did to you. Not any events that led up to it or anything. The thing with that is, your dad and I won't be here this evening, we're going out to dinner with the lawyer and the attorney. I want you two to have a civilized conversation, no fighting, no yelling, just talk okay."

"Yeah mom i got it. Thanks for letting me have this opportunity."

"Of course. Your dad and I are gonna go get ready."

When my mom left the room, I sat there thinking.What would we talk about? What if we do argue again? What did she need to tell me? My dad opened my door, shot me a thumbs-up and a smile, my mom peeked in, smiled and then they were off.

I went to the kitchen to look for something to eat and there was a knock at my door. Hoping it was Lyric I rushed to the door. When I opened it, Ej, Lj and Sj were standing there. Elijah was Ej, Lee Jr. was Lj and Shawn Jr. was Sj. Lee and Shawn were brothers. We all been friends forever. This was gang right here.

"Yo Yo, Von it's real f*cked up right now" said Sj.

"What's going on? whats wrong?"

"Somebody shot Lyric!" said Ej.

"What the actual f*ck?! The f*ck you mean somebody shot Lyric?! Is she okay?! Where is she??!"

"Just come on dawg. We gotta go spin the block!" exclaimed Lj.

"WHAT THE F*CK?? SHE OUT THERE DYING AND YOU WANNA SPIN THE F*CKING BLOCK??????" I was enraged. I wanted to fight, kill, anything. My head started throbbing but I ignored it.

"He's right" said Ej." We gotta go see Lyric. She's at the hospital, I'll take you there, Lj, Sj, you two stay here and find out who the f*ck did this sh*t. We out."

Ej helped me into his car and we headed down to county hospital. The same hospital I was just in a few days ago. When we walked in I saw Dr. Owens.

"Mr. Cunningham! Everything okay? Your appointment isn't for a few more days."

"I know. I'm here to see Lyric Asher. She's my er -girlfriend. Do you know where she is?"

"Yes of course. She's in surgery right now. I'm so sorry about what happened. My regards."

"Your regards? Is she dead?"

"If she was dead she wouldn't be in surgery idiot" said Ej.

"No she's not dead....I thought you knew...about the miscarriage" he said solemly.

"Miscarriage? I didn't even know-"

Ej and i went and sat in the waiting room. The walls were yellow, the chairs soft and comfy. Your average waiting room with magazines, two t.v's, etc. I didn't even know that Lyric was pregnant. How could she not tell me? Maybe it wasn't even mine. What if we fought because she told me about.....her pregnancy? I couldn't imagine. I've always wanted a son. Maybe I was high?

"Ej, man I know we not supposed to discuss the fight but can you give me any insight? I need to understand."

"I swore to your mom I wouldn't say a word. I can't tell you anything man,I'm sorry. Plus even if I do, it could corroborate the case."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just confused right now."

I got up and headed outside for some fresh air. I saw my parent's car pull-up. My mom rushed out and came to hug me, crying. My dad just looked at me, kind of just..wondering.

"Oh honeyy i'm soo soorryy" my mom wailed.

"Mom it's okay, really. She's not dead, she just had a miscarriage."

My dad gave me this look like I wasn't supposed to know that. He walked over to me and sighed. We all walked back into the hospital. A doctor came out and told us we could go see her since her immediate family never showed. We walked into her room. It was room 114. I looked at her, she looked different. Her skin lacked her golden brown glow, her hair looked dry and brittle, her eyes, looked like she was barely holding on.

"Oh my god" my mom whispered as she started crying. My dad and Ej just looked. Not really showing emotion but you knew they were behind those solemn faces. They looked dissapointed, almost like it was her fault. I walked over to her bedside and just looked at her. She appeared lifeless. I tried to hold back my tears but they couldn't be held back any longer. I began to cry, silent tears. My mom rushed beside me, her tear-streaked face next to mine. She hugged me, held me and told me it was okay, feel my feelings.

I looked at Lyric and she smiled at me. I thought I imagined it until she said in a sweet, weak, tiny voice, "Von, my god." Those were her last words. Lyric Asher died on June 15th at 10:25 that night. I cried so much. My heart was beating out of my chest, my back was throbbing,my head felt like it was gonna explode but i kept crying. I cried until i felt like there were no tears left to cry. I never got to see my baby. if it even was my baby. Was it a girl or a boy?

My mom came into my room later that night and laid my pills and water down next to my bedside. I didn't feel like discussing my feelings so i pretended to be asleep. I felt bad but i feel like they knew she was pregnant. How could they not? Hell, how could Lyric not. Was I the baby's father? How long has she been pregnant? Most importantly, who shot her? Who would want to shoot her? Who the f*ck has a motive to shoot her? Sure,Lyric had a big mouth, but was her mouth enough to get her shot or was it deeper than that?

I woke up a few hours later. It was 2:25. Lyric died 4 hours ago. I still couldn't wrap my mind around it. Who would have shot her and why? I started crying again. My backt hrobbing, heart exploding and cracking with pain. I cried from the pain, I cried for Lyric, I cried for my son or daughter. I've never really thought about being a father. Now I'll never know. What was it like? What would she or he have been like? Would she have had pretty dark brown eyes? Would he have had a crooked smile like mine? Would Lyric and I have gotten married? What would the wedding have been like? Would we have moved? Where would the kids have grown up at? Would Lyric still be alive if we hadn't had that fistfight?

I went back to sleep and woke up around 8. I had no energy. It was sunny and bright and beautiful outside. It felt weird. The world was still spinning and yet Lyric had just died not even 24 hours ago. I went and said goodmorning to mom and dad and told them I was going for a walk. They told me to be careful and come back if i felt any pain.

I walked out the front door and the first thing i smelled was blood. It smelled like fresh blood. I saw Lyric's body on our front sidewalk. She was bleeding out. Her belly was big. I walked up to her. She smiled. A lady walked past me and I screamed at her to get help.

"HELP HER PLEASE! HELP ME HELP HER!"

The lady looked at me like I was crazy and walked awayas fast as she could. A man walked toward me and asked me if i was okay.

"AM I OKAY?! SHE'S THE ONE WHO NEEDS THE ATTENTION!"

"Um okay...and exactly who is she?"

"ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME! SHE'S RIGHT HERE DYING!"

"I'm gonna go get some help alright..." and he walked away.

"F*ck them! I can help you myself! Lyric! Oh my god! Someone call 911! SHE NEEDS HELP, SHE'S GONNA DIE!"

"Von, there's nothing you can do. I got what was coming to me."

"What-What does that mean? What do you mean? What the f*ck does that mean?! Lyric! Lyric! Lyric! Lyric!" I suddenly felt arms pulling me back. My head was throbbing, I felt like the world was spinning.

"Von, baby! Get back in the house! It's okay, please come back in the house."

"Son please, let's go back in the house. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"BUT LYRIC, SHE NEEDS HELP! WE HAVE TO HELP HER!"

"Von, Lyric is...well she's not here anymore. It's gonna be okay. Come in the house please."

I looked around. There was nothing on the porch. Mom and Dad were trying to soothe me into the house. I saw the dude that said he was gonna go get help. The whole neighborhood was outisde. They were all looking at me. I was having a breakdown. I swear I saw Lyric on my porch, bleeding out, needing help. Yet she was smiling..like it was meant to be..like she was supposed to be shot and bleeding in the middle of the street.

Mom and Dad helped me into the house and walked with me down to my room. They looked at me with these concerning looks like I was losing it.

"Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to embarass you guys like-"

"It's okay Von. You didn't embarass us. You scared us and we didn't know what to do. We love you and we just want you to be okay. What exactly did you think you saw?"

"I swear i saw Lyric. She was laying on the ground just bleeding out. She smiled at me Mom! She smiled and told me that her death was meant to be."

"Son, are you sure she said her death wa-"

"Okay I mean she didn't exactly say her death was"meant to be" but suming it all up, that's basically what she told me, with a smile on her face. While she bled out and nobody helped her dad! Everybody just walked past her and-"

"Baby it wasn't real. She didn't suffer like that when she was shot, she-"

"Mom, no disrespect but how could you know. You weren't there. Nobody was. If people were, then i wouldn't have had that daydream."

Dad looked at me and sighed. "Son, even if she was alone during her death, someone did get her the help she needed. She was around urgent care and nurses and doctors and everything. Don't feel guilty."

"How could I not. She was carrying my child for god's sake!"

"Vonny, you-It's not your-"

"Did you know? Did you know she was pregnant?"

"I did."

"Did you know too dad?"

"I did."

My heart sunk into my stomach. I really needed some air. I needed to breathe. I needed Lyric.

Lyric and I are- were a couple. Maybe we didn't get along all the time but she was my girlfriend nonetheless. We argued of course. We were a little toxic. It doesn't matter though because we were a couple. She was mine and I was hers. I loved her so much. I just can't come to the realization that some fight broke us apart. I mean she hit me a little from time to time but nothing like this. I had to have hit her first. She is- was a sweet, beautiful and all she ever did was love me. I never cheated on her and she never cheated on me. I don't know who would even have the guts to shoot her. Not just shoot het but shoot to kill. She's dead now and i can't come to that conclusion. I refuse to believe it actually. We were gonna have a baby. A real live baby.

I had to speak at the funeral and I was writing my eulogy. I didn't want to do this. Watching her get buried, actually having to speak about her in the past tense. I had an appointment today to discuss my f*cking brain concussion sh*t but I didn't want to go. I actually didn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. The funeral was in about a week and that was the only thing on my mind. Speaking at Lyric's funeral without going insane and embarrassing myself in front of her family and my family and friends and everything. What if I have another breakdown? This is just so much for me to handle.

Mom came into my room a few hours later and told me to get ready for my appointment. I got ready and we headed down to the urgent care for my check-up. The car ride was uncomfortable. I felt like everything had no meaning. I felt empty. I missed Lyric. I felt like I was taking her for granted this whole time. After the fight, although I did make an attempt to see her, I didn't try hard enough. If she was with me, she wouldn't be dead right now.

We got to the hospital and my mom checked me in. They told us that Dr. Owens would be with me soon. I didn't feel like making small talk. I was just gonna answer the questions straight-forward and keep it moving. After 15 minutes Dr. Owens called me in. I went in alone because I felt I was too old for my mom to come in with me.

"Sooo Hey Von! How have you been doing?"

"Great." I said plainly.

"Uh thats um good? How are your injuries?"

"Fine, really."

"Is something bothering you Von? You can feel free to talk to me?"

"I'm okay. Just been having hallucinations about Lyric. She died a few days ago you know."

"Yes. I'm very sorry Von. Tell me about these hallucinations."

"I keep picturing her bleeding out, all alone with nobody around to help her. She tells me something to the affect that her death was meant to be. It's driving me crazy. Other than that, I'm really doing better."

"Why do you feel you have this particular daydream?"

"I really don't know..I wish I did."

"If you have any more concerns, feel free to come by anytime."

"Do you have any idea why Lyric and I had that fight?"

"I'm really not aware of any fight that night. I mean I knew you had a fight but I didn't know why or what it was about."

"Oh. Well if you find anything out it would help, just so i can have closure. I was supposed to have court but since she's-"

"I completely understand. I will help in any way that I can."

"Thanks Dr.Owens."

"Now, make sure you're still taking your pain pills. You should be doing way better within the next week or so. Never hesitate to come in though."

I walked out of the room and mom took me home.

"How was your visit Von?"

"Everything was fine. I told him about the hallucinations, he wants me to keep taking my pain pills."

"Good. How do you really feel Von? I'm really worried about you?"

"I'm sh*tty. How do you want me to feel? How should I feel? Lyric's f*cking dead."

I started to cry and mom told me to calm down, that she understands but how could she possibly understand. Everyone always says that they understand when they don't really understand. It's like they want you to feel like they can relate to you but they really can't. I wanted the world to stop. I wanted everyone to stop acting like everything was okay. Everything was not okay. Lyric and my baby are dead. How could anyone possibly still wanna go on?

The next day was the funeral. We got up at 8 o'clock and got there by 9 o'clock because we had to pick up Ej. Seeing that Lyric couldn't have possibly had a will and testament, the funeral was held according to her mother's thoughts about how Lyric may have wanted it. When we arrived, there were lots of cars. A lot of people showed up. Her funeral was held in a chapel. It was...well a chapel? Seen one, seen em' all. It was nice though. I saw people that I had never seen before. That's how it is when you die. Everyone wants to be there for the funeral. We all went to pay our respects to the Asher family. When I got to Ms. Asher (Lyric's mom) she broke down crying and screaming.

"OHHHHH VONNNNNN SHESSSS GONEUHHHHHHH"

I hugged her and cried into her ear. "Yes she is. I'm so sorry." At least someone else understood my pain, genuinely. I really can't say I understand what it's like to lose a child seeing that I never even knew about mine, but I can understand the deep pain and hurt that she feels. Everyone was staring at us and I didn't even care. We needed to share this feeling, this pain, this hurt, this suffering. This guy (assuming he was Ms. Asher's boyfriend) hugged her and said,"Baby shhhh, people lookin." I looked at him with a rage I could not truly explain. He was wearing blue jeans and a denim jacket with a red bandana tied around his ankle. She sure knew how to pick em huh.

We all sat down and waited for the service to start. When it started, a pastor opened up the ceremony.

"I want to thank everyone for the great turnout. I appreciate everyone who came together to make this day possible. Lyric Asher was a beautiful young woman. Inside and Out. She was loved in this community very much. We all adored her and it is unfortunate she died the way she did. May her soul rest in eternal peace. I will now open up the stand for anyone who wants to speak."

If she was loved so much then who the f*ck killed her? Ms. Asher stepped up, crying but holding it together.

"I'm Lashawna Asher. I'm Lyric's Mother. Lyric was lovely. I loved her dearly. She wanted to be a beautician. When she was little, she would play in my hair, knotting it all up and tangling it. She would polish my nails. She loved doing her own hair, dressing up. She was a lovely child who grew up into an even lovelier young lady. I know Lyric had a mouth on her and she could definitely back it up, but who would want to hurt her? Let alone kill her and leave her for dead."

She began crying harder to where we couldn't understand her and so her boyfriend came and took her off the stand. He was about to walk away but hesitated and decided to say a few words.

"Uh..Hey! My name Joshua Williams. I'm NOT Lyric's father. Uh I'm Lashawna boyfriend. I didn't really see Lyric like dat. You know teenagers,always here and there. She was nice when I seen her though. Real sweet and everything...so yeah. Oh, my son Quayvius knew her better than I did. Come here quay."

Quayvius was a slim kid, he had waves, lightskin. He was wearing a suit and tie though. He looked nice enough.

"Hi. For those who do not know me, my name is Quayvius Williams. Lyric was my girlfriend."

I...Girlfriend?! I lost it.

"Who the f*ck do you think you are? Lyric was my motherf*cking girlfriend!"

"Von! Sit down! This is a church!"

I sat down and let him continue ,mad as hell.

"Like I said, Lyric was my girlfriend. I loved her so much. I never would have met her if my dad hadn't moved in with Ms.Asher. We would go on movie dates, dinner dates, we cooked together. I miss her so much. I hope she's resting peacefully in heaven with her baby."

He looked at me, winked slyly and sat down. It was my turn to speak.

"My name is Vonny Cunningham. Lyric Asher-" I began crying and couldn't speak. My mom came up to me and whispered to me that I could go sit down and she'll take my spot. I just couldn't believe this Quayvius guy was trying to make it like Lyric would even give him a second glance, let alone be his girlfriend. He was f*cking lying! Yet, he had no reason to lie because he didn't even know me and I never saw him before today. My mom and dad spoke and then I went back to the stand.

"I'm sorry about that. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that she's really gone. Lyric and I were a couple. Maybe we didn't get along all the time, but she was my girlfriend, nonetheless. We argued of course. We were a little toxic. It doesn't matter though because we were a couple. She was mine and I was hers. I loved her so much. I just can't come to the realization that some fight broke us apart. I mean she hit me a little from time to time but nothing like this. I had to have hit her first. She was a sweet and beautiful. All she ever did was love me. I never cheated on her, and she never cheated on me. I don't know who would even have the guts to shoot her. Not just shoot het but shoot to kill. She's dead now and I can't come to that conclusion. I refuse to believe it actually. We were gonna have a baby. A real live baby. Thank you."

I sat down and a few of her family members spoke and then they opened the stand for friends. Ej went up and spoke along with a few others such as Melanie, Josiah, Yuzuri and Luke. Then the pastor closed the ceremony. We went outside and watched them put her casket in the ground. I never cried so hard but silent in my life. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joshua holding Ms.Asher and Quayvius just staring at me. I composed myself and watched the casket lower. That's when the death became a reality to me. Mom hugged me tight and Ej and Dad joined in. All of us crying. Mom and Dad probably crying over the thought of losing me. Ej and I crying together over dying at this age. Me crying about Lyric and my baby.

The funeral was over. Everyone was hugging and crying. I pulled Ej aside.

"Did you see that?"

"That Quayvius dude? Yeah, what the f*ck he on?"

"I don't know but I'm gonna go find out."

I went and walked over to Quayvius who was texting someone intently.

"Yo."

"Yo Vonny is it?"

"It's Von. What you mean Lyric was your girlfriend?"

"Well after yall's fight, my job was to take care of her while dad and Ms. Asher went out or something. After awhile we fell in love. She and I,well eventually we broke apart because she wanted to go back to you. I didn't understand why she would wanna be with someone who would beat her up like that, although you were f*cked up worse. I let her go and that was that. Now if you will excuse me."

He walked away like it was nothing. During his eulogy, he said, "I hope she's resting peacefully in heaven with her baby." Her baby? Which means he knows he's not the father...? I walked to the car. Mom and Dad were talking to Ms. Asher and Joshua.

"Yo Ej come here."

"Wassup?"

"He said they dated after our fight...and he said it was her baby which means not his."

"Or it is theirs and he didn't want to be apart of it? Or was he acknowledging that it's your baby and he knew she was pregnant with YOUR baby?"

We got into the car and mom and dad finally got in and took us home.

When we got home I decided I was gonna go over and talk to Quayvius. He had to know something right? I mean the way he came to the funeral, the way he spoke at the funeral. He described their relationship so..there was something right? I called Ej up and we both went over. When we got to the house Ms.Asher opened the door. She looked so sad, I felt horrible for imposing but I really needed to talk to Quayvius.

"Oh Von, Ej, how nice of you to stop by."

"Hi Ms.Asher"

I was gonna ask how she was feeling but I realized how dumb that would have been and I just gave her a hug. She cried into my shoulder for awhile and then ran back into the house for some tissue. Ej and I waited on the front porch. "Lashawna you okay baby?" That was Joshua's voice. He looked at us and came over.

"The f*ck ya'll lil punks doing here?"

"We're here to see Quayvius. Is he here?"

"He in his room. First door on the right. Make it quick, we got sh*t to do."

We walked in and found his room. He was playing some videogame. We knocked and he looked up, surprised.

"Well Well Well, what a surprise."

"It's nothing like that, i wanna know what happened to Lyric."

"Man, I done told you everythin-"

"Look, I know there's more. You know more than you telling me. Just tell me okay."

"Okay, but who the f*ck is that?"

"That's my friend Ej."

"He need to stand somewhere else, no offense but this between me and you."

"Fine. I'll stand in the hallway."

Ej left out and Quayvius told me to close the door. He asked me to sit down and said, "Whatchu wanna know?"

"I wanna know how you knew about me and her. I wanna know how you knew that baby wasn't yours. I wanna know how she got shot and who did it. I want you to be a man and let me know whats up."

"Damn okay okay."

He shut off his game and got this really serious look.

"I wasn't entirely honest when we had that discussion at the funeral. I was kinda just trynna f*ck with your mind. I had been dating Lyric even before ya'lls fight. As a matter of fact, that's what ya'lls fight was about but I don't have time to explain that to you today."

"Don't f*ck with me Quayvius."

"I'm not, Lyric and I had been dating."

"You dated her even though we were together?"

"No dawg. I didn't even know you existed until she told me that she was pregnant. Let me back it up though. The night of ya'lls fight, Lyric and I also had a fight. She was pregnant and I knew it but she lied and lied and lied saying that she wasn't. She wasn't showing or anything but I knew she was because she had went to the doctor and that doctor was my uncle and he knew me and her was messing around. So I was confused as to why she was lying and my conclusion was that she was cheating on me. I got mad and we had this big argument and I guess she went over and told you because you kicked her ass bad. When I found out that a n***a beat her ass, and then found out it was you, I assumed that you were the n***a she was cheating on me with."

"So let me get this straight. You knew she was pregnant and you just assumed it was my baby?"

"I mean, Lyric wasn't a hoe. I knew that. I don't know what she was doing messing with both of us but I knew she wasn't just going around f*cking. Mainly because I got a lot of friends and relatives and they definitely wouldv'e told me. I knew it was you because I looked into the fight. I couldn't get much information except the guy that beat her ass name was Vonny Cunningham. I found out that ya'll had been together for awhile, hell at least a year right? You was dating her at 17 and you finna be 18 soon right? Well after that it wasn't hard to put those facts together. Plus, I had my uncle get the test and you were the father so I knew that b*tch was lying the whole time."

"So you don't know why I fought her?"

"Nope. But I'm sure your friend could give you insight now. Since she's dead and all."

"Yeah.."

"Anyway, can you keep a secret?"

"Depends on what kind of secret."

"Let's say I told you something that could get me locked up? Would you tell?"

"I'm not no snitch dawg. Wassup?"

"It's about what happened to Lyric...I just gotta tell someone because my concious-"

"Did you kill-"

"Shut the f*ck up! At least let me say why..."

"I'm not sure I'm the right one to keep your secret. You didn't tell me anything, just a hypothesized question. A what if. Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Ask Ej." he smiled and led me out the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

I went back up the hallway and saw Ej comforting Ms. Asher. I gave her one last hug and we left. For such a sad day, it was bright and sunny outside. Not a cloud in the sky.

"Ej, you know you can tell me about everything. She's gone now. There's not gonna be a case."

"Your'e right. Whatchu wanna know?"

"Everything."

"The fight?"

"That would be nice."

"The night of ya'lls fight, Lyric came over and she accused you of cheating on her. She said all types of sh*t, called you out and everything. The only thing is that she wasn't lying. You were cheating on her-"

"How the f*ck was I cheating on her?! Ej don't play with me. You know damn well-"

"No, you were'nt like cheating, like cheating cheating but you did cheat and she found out. The only thing is, it had happened months ago and she knew about it. She was only using it now because she was pregnant and she didn't know if it was your baby or Quayvius's baby. So, to get out of being with either of you, she started a fight with both of you, the same night. Yours was way worse though, as you can see. Lyric knew what she was doing, she knew exactly what she was doing."

"When did you find all this out?"

"When she got shot, Quayvius told me everything. Literally."

"What do you mean "Literally"."

"Well, look so Lyric, she wanted to keep you at a distance so she got that restraining order against you. Whole time she was just trying to avoid you and Quayvius. Only thing is, Quayvius couldn't handle that sh*t. He got mad that she was doing all this sh*t. Blocking his calls, not answering the door when he came, so he got his dad hooked up with Ms. Asher. Well then everyone moved in and he was closer to Lyric. The bullsh*t he said about taking care of her and cooking and sh*t was literally just bullsh*t. They argued all the time, he beat on her a little bit, that kinda stuff. So one day, Lyric was planning to run away and he knew that if she got caught he would get in trouble because she would snitch and say why she ran away, so.....he ordered a hit on her. I can't say who, but he got someone to take care of her for him."

"Who?! f*cking tell me!"

"It was..Me"

"You?! Ej?! My best friend killed my girlfriend?? No f*cking way!"

"I'm so sorry Von, but she was f*cking with you and I had to, I really had to."

I don't know what happened after that because I was laying in a hospital bed once again. The f*cking irony huh. Except this time I remember everything that happened and I was f*cking pissed. I had no regrets. Dr. Owens walked in, looking very upset.

"Hey Dr. Owens! Funny huh?"

"Hey Von..yeah funny.."

"How does the other guy look?" I laughed, an actual laugh.

"He's- He didn't survive. I'm sorry Von."

I fell quiet. I didn't know what to feel. I felt bad, my best friend. I killed my best friend. I didn't mean to kill him. I just wanted him to hurt how I was hurting.

"Can I be alone?"

"You have a visitor..can i let him in?"

"Sure."

Quayvius walked in.

"I'm really sorry..I didn't think you knowing would make you kill him. I mean i guess i might have thought that but I didnt think it would actually happen."

"It's fine Quay. It's my fault. This is all my fault."