“Sorry, I can’t go,” the words ring out as I am leaving my home to go sledding. A rather trivial hiccup to the day, but the disappointment is a heavyweight on my back. The weight pulls me towards a melancholy reality–alone, spiritless, and defeated.

Sometimes I wonder, Why? Why didn’t they ask before? Did they just not want to go? I am left to be devoured by negative thoughts, alone. 

Their sincere voice tells me they are just as disappointed as me, but something within me does not want to believe this is true. My heart tells me it is deeper. 

My boyfriend is a notorious canceller–usually ten to 15 minutes before the plans. I know he is not doing it because he doesn’t want to hang out. The feeling of disappointment still engulfs me. The loneliness lingers. I am still defeated from my mental trip. 

I ask myself, Why does something so frivolous bother me so much? I wonder… and wonder… and wonder. But, I am left with only mere speculations of why canceling last minute annoys me so much. 

Making plans, getting ready for them, and the hopefulness of getting to the activity all take time. Time is the issue. I am always on the go–school activities, jobs, and volunteering consume my time. Making plans takes up my time. It makes me excited to have a break from the chaos that is my life; however, when they are canceled it feels as my time has been wasted. My time meant nothing to the one that canceled on me. 

Telling my boyfriend, and others, how I feel can help make my time feel valued. If they know my feelings, they will work to make my time a valued aspect of their life. My time is important, but others also have time that I need to respect and value. Respect. All change starts with respect.

Also, maybe one day I will thank those who cancel on me last minute. Nothing is more stress-relieving than taking time away from a busy schedule for myself. Even though I don’t get to spend it with my friends, I get time away from a never-ending to-do list. Who can be mad about that?