The nostalgia that comes with looking back on my days of youth, when the world seemed so one-dimensional, always leads to me wondering when that pure perspective was lost. I end up asking more questions than I began with. But then again, isn’t that what makes a thought worth thinking? 

When I was a child, I didn’t care about anything other than the moment at hand. I was a master of living in the present. Just as I became aware of the gift that was, it seemed to have already slipped through my fingers. 

As you would expect of any young child, I only cared about the world around me on a very surface level. There may be cons to growing up, but I am appreciative for the deepened understanding of human creations that I have gained. Music specifically began piquing my interest, in a new way than ever before. Although I still listen to music for sheer enjoyment, I have grown an appreciation for lyricism, syllabic orientation, and many of the other intricacies that go into its creation. An artist such as Eminem, who I have always admired for his unique ability to rap in such a rapid manner, is one I have learned to respect on a whole other level. He is an artist who assigns deep meaning to the words he says, and makes you feel the passion that drives his music. It never gets old, the way he can create double and even triple entendres that are so genius, you can’t help but question how in the world someone has the mental magnitude to create such beauty. As he has gotten older, you can see his talents mature along with him as a human. Some argue that Em is “washed” or that his best days are behind him, but I would argue that he just keeps getting better and that the people who say that just don’t have the intellectual capacity to recognize his greatness.. While the fast verses and impressive freestyles are cool, the way he relentlessly produces bold music, that makes thought provoking statements, and asks necessary questions is what makes him the best to ever do it.

While Eminem is a great example of someone I have learned to love, I find it especially interesting to look at music that I have always known, to find the true contrast in my views since my childhood. The example of this that stretches my brain to this day is a line from the song, “Carry On” by fun., a song that I have known for years now. Within this beautiful work, he sings the words, “I’ve closed enough windows to know you can never look back,” and while I may have seen those words as meaningless at one point, I’m certainly beyond those days of my life. 

Just as clearly as I can remember listening to the song in the car with my dad, driving to the little league fields on a warm June evening, I can remember the time that I listened to the song for what seemed like the first time again. Sitting in my mom's old workspace, I was in a Discord call with my friend when the lyric made its mark on me. I instantly went back a few seconds to listen to it again, and then again, and again. The grace in which he delivers such majestic words is an awe-striking experience. I sat there pondering what he must have meant by such prose. Was he referring to physical windows or windows of time? Was it a deep metaphor, or was I completely overthinking what was meant to just be a simple line?

While my initial thoughts left me confused, I have come to peace with the idea that there isn’t a “right” answer to any questions I may have been asking-- only opinions, perspectives, and conceptual thoughts. Nobody is wrong. Nobody is right. As applies to all art in the world, peoples interpretations vary vastly. Those differing opinions, and unique perspectives, make art so interesting because we can only truly see the world through our own eyes, but in these instances, we get to learn about the minds of others. It is important to dive beneath the surface and explore what thought might have gone into someone making a certain decision. I wanted to understand what Nate Ruess meant when he vocalized such a lyric.

Just as every window that opens must close, everything that comes together, must fall apart. That is just a fact of life. While this is undeniably true as far as things of corporeal nature go, I think that it’s important to realize that in all likelihood, the same is true for the things beyond substance that we experience in our life, especially the relationships we are a part of. We must cherish the friends and family that we have because life takes turns and we won’t always be able to maintain those relationships forever. When I graduate high school, I truly hope to stay close with my best friends, but I know that maintaining relationships with them all is impossible, and that I’ll be lucky to stay close with just a few. Having that knowledge just makes me all the more grateful to have them in my life now. 

You see, these windows of our lives, the ones where we get to have these friendships, experience things like high school, and grow close with the communities we are a part of, will have their time to come to an end. Once they’re gone, we can look at them from the outside all we want, but there is no truly going back. While it can be nostalgic and fun to view these times with tinted glasses that lead us to believe we were living an idyllic dream, that won’t help us move forward with our lives. We have to look for that next opportunity, passion, person or thing to fall in love with, because like Kierkegaard once said, while life may only be able to be fully understood backwards, it is meant to be lived forwards. 

Over the past few years, I have learned to love intricate song lyrics, philosophical concepts, and deep conversations about questions that have no true answers. These things have not only allowed me to grow closer with some of my best friends , but unlocked a new level of connectedness between myself and the world around me. I have realized that all of these unlikely passions overlap in that they are all centered around the expression of human thought, and that there is an element of uncertainty tied to each, a sense of mystery. It is so peaceful to be able to be content in knowing that I may never have the answers, and that they may not even be out there. Once I let go of that pressure, it was a breath of fresh air. When we are always looking to find the answers, life becomes a test. Nobody wants to live a test, nor is it the way life is meant to be. When we stop looking for the answers, and start living for the now, life becomes an empty canvas for us to explore the ways in which we wish to leave our mark on the world.

I used to always look at the next phase of my life. Throughout my adolescence, this next phase has been college, and eventually a job. Society set the standard that I needed to go to an elite college and get a high paying job once I graduate, so that’s what I began to focus on in my life. I was neglecting the little things in life that make it so beautiful, because I was too busy to slow down and look outside of my tunneled vision. 

There is no way to learn in life other than living. While we can’t always make the right decisions the first time around, and there is value in making your own mistakes, it is important to acknowledge the ideas of the wise. The people who have more experience than you. The ones who want to better inform generations to come.  Through all of the music and literature that I have absorbed, I have learned priceless lessons, like how fun. has contributed to my appreciation for each moment that I live. I like to think that I’ve gotten better at living for the now, and not looking too far down the road. I’ve come to realize that when you invest yourself in the process of living, everything works out the way it was meant to be. I’ve begun to cherish my high school years instead of anticipating their end, because there will come a day, just like my early childhood, where this window will close. What comes next will still come, for time is constant, but now will never come back, no matter how badly we want it to, no matter how often or hard we look, so we mustn’t ever do so.