You have to just “put it out,” says Grant Sevcik, an expert at de-escalating a conversation. Sevcik has to do this in everyday situations, and it can be helpful for anyone who is having a conversation with their friend. De-escalating a conversation can also be useful if a conversation goes sideways. He has to do this a lot because he was “self taught.” He is tranquil in the conversation. He can also change the discussion to a positive one if it’s negative. Sevcik offers reflective comments to show that he has heard what their conversation is about. 

When you're having a good conversation with your friend, you have to make sure you are listening to what they have to say. Making eye contact is key, so it looks like you’re engaged. It should look like you are interested in what the person is saying to you. Wait until the person has explained how they are feeling and see if they’re frustrated when they talk.

When you start the conversation, you have to first lower your voice and tone. Don’t sound like you're yelling while you’re talking to them, just start to lower your voice to make it sound calm. You also have to agree with the person when you’re talking. You have to agree with the person you’re talking to so you can show your point of view. “Make them feel like they can win the argument,” said Sevcik. In a conversation, you have to argue with the person in order to “win.” You want to win to show that you can de-escalate the conversation. For example, if you’re having a conversation with your friend and you’re talking about sports, you have to sound engaged but also argue with them if you think one sport is better than another. 

Changing the subject around in the conversation can also be helpful if it’s going in a negative way. Listening and repeating what was said can also be important because then the speaker will know that you were listening and understand what they meant. “Don’t feed the fire and just put it out,” Sevcik said.