“I'm kind of scared,” I said as we pulled into the parking lot of the biggest church I’d ever been to. The car passed the “River Valley Church” sign indicating we were finally there. I had never been to a youth convention ever in my life until this day. I could feel the beads of sweat forming on the palm of my hand and the flutters in the depths of my stomach. I was lost in the world, and it felt like my life was falling apart. It was time to walk into the roaring, cramped, and exciting church, but it was also time to start my forever walk with Jesus. 

The blasting music was taking up the entire room, making it hard to hear a single voice. The flutters in my stomach were gone and were replaced with a calmness that took over my whole body. I felt like I could be in that space forever. We walked in and I set my nude-colored bible on the brown chair. I looked up and saw bodies that took up the whole space leaving almost no room to stand. The big bright lights blared onto my skin as the countdown began. I knew this was where I wanted to be.

Over the past few months, I have heard the phrase “I knew of Jesus but I didn't Know Jesus”. Every Sunday I went to church, and in my younger years, I would attend Sunday School. I would almost dread going to church every single Sunday, but I still considered myself a Christian, or a believer. Now every Sunday I look forward to going to church, I get to experience God changing people's lives just like He did with mine. There is a big difference between knowing of Jesus and actually knowing Jesus. God works a sound mind, not a fearful mind. This was something that I learned at the Youth Convention, it's something more people need to know. 

I felt the warmth of the bodies smooshing into me as the crowd continued to grow. Worship started and all came at peace. I felt like I was in a different world and wanted to stay. Tears streamed down my face, like a never-ending river. I didn’t know at the time why I was crying those tears but now it seems obvious. God worked miracles that day. The final day of the Youth Convention came; I felt like a new person, a better person. I walked out of the cramped, roaring, and thrilled church, but I didn’t feel scared this time. Instead, I felt like I had someone with me, that I could just let go of all my worries and struggles too. 

I’ve heard people talk about their camps and their conventions saying that it changed them forever but we needed to be there to know how it changed them. I never knew what they meant and I was being sucked into what the world was wanting for me, not what my relationship with Jesus looked like. It’s not about what the world gives us, but what God gives us. I felt as if I was alone and I had to face everything by myself, it was a never-ending battle between myself and my thoughts. I wasn’t in a good state mentally. 

This Youth Convention brought to my perspective that I can’t expect to see Jesus if I don’t put any effort into it. I can’t walk in the dark without using a light, just like I can’t live in the world without Jesus. It's not only about believing and having faith, but it's about practicing the habits of Christ to truly have a relationship with Jesus. My thoughts and feelings that I am alone in my life are finally gone because I know that my life is in God’s hands and timing. My walk with Jesus isn't done, it’s just getting started.