So there it was, right in front of me on the screen. I could not believe I typed it up, but it was, staring me in the face and it depresses me much.

No, it wasn’t a death-defying e-mail, looking to crush some worldly evil with my words of power. Nor was it some lying biography, looking to get myself a mate. It was neither of these things. What it was was a note to my place of employment, affirming that I will go back to picking up my normal five days a week.

Maybe it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but it really is. I’m supposed to be on medical restrictions, as far as hours go, the base being 16 but more or less as tolerated. As it is I’m only working two to three days a week and doing just that is going to kill me…more than working five days ever will.

I got paid recently. My check came out to about two-hundred fourteen dollars. Sweet deal, eh? I didn’t work all that hard and got two-hundred plus dollars. If only reality worked like that.

I have a car, and with that, car insurance to pay for, and gas, and any other related expenses. I’m overdue for an oil change for crying out loud! Plus on top of it my cell phone is prepaid so that’s twenty-dollars for minutes at any given time. I didn’t even mention my relationship. Yea, I’m in a relationship, too. We’ve just made the two-week mark, but even that comes with responsibility, like gas so my partner and I can get together wherever we choose to meet up. And gas to get us wherever we decide to go after that.

My final conclusion: life is too expensive!

And that would be why I had to type out that dreadful note, why I’m filled with such dread. I know what they’re going to do already, work me to death, keep me there as often as possible, giving me NO time with my partner. And that’s just how they do things. I fully recognize that I’m a good employee, one of the best there, but why do I have to get the shaft?

Recently was discussing with the scheduling manager my hours to which she inappropriately lamented the message that I need to get off of my medical restrictions and come back to do my five days a week, like before. I gave this some thought and came to wonder why that is, why I would definitely get my five days back, when there are people there who want more hours and can’t get them.

So obviously they’re putting all of this stock in me and my abilities, clearly showing they depend on me, but what if I were to find a new job? Then what happens? Will they then have a new “me” to replace me? Sure, they’re quick to assign me disagreeable hours, but if I’m not there they might just find themselves shorthanded.

I’m not trying to sound conceded, but things won’t be the same when I’m not there. I wish they would work one of the newer people who want the hours enough so they can rightfully replace me. However, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. What they most likely would end up doing would be giving experienced Employee A the hours I might otherwise hold, since she had her hours cut recently by Employee B who is moving to full time and apparently takes priority over Employee A. Thus proving work isn’t about getting what you want.

No matter what I might speculate, the fact of the matter is I’m still working at my place of employment and I’m taking back my five days a week, despite doctors and medical persons being against it. I sincerely wish I could fulfill their concerns, but I just can’t afford life as it is. So until they start cutting me personal checks to keep my car running on, I’m going back to work.