Hush.
Sometimes it’s not what you say that matters, but what you don’t say. Really, what you can’t say. Or what you choose not to say, fearing that the world will judge you. People feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I guess I do too. Maybe it’s because it’s so hard to know where to stand. Some people say how wrong it is, like its soiling God’s perfect picture, blurring the colors to the point of invisibility. They’re scared of loosing that perfect image. The way it’s supposed to be. I don’t know what I’m scared of. They said to live by the Golden Rule, didn’t they? I didn’t want to ever be persecuted for who I was naturally, if it is in fact natural and who knows.
There’s a lot of time to think when you can’t speak for a full day. “Day of Silence?” they ask. I nod and watch the look of pure confusion and misunderstanding as they question me. “Why? Are you…”. This is when I shake my head quickly. I point to the word “supporter” on my card and give the look that firmly states “How on earth could you think that?” And that bothers me too- how insecurely I play “supporter” and how frequently I question my opinion. Sometimes I wonder if I do it just to feel strong. With everyone making comments and with me not being able to defend myself, it does feel good to know I’m doing it for them. But that’s because it’s only for a day and the next day I can explain to everyone where I stand. They can’t.
It’s not something the average kid is raised exposed to. I know I didn’t read books or see movies about ‘him and him’ or ‘her and her’. Maybe that’s why it seems so foreign… but I don’t know. And then I see people who I know have to live with this secret hanging over them. And they have to live with themselves too. When everyone else points fingers like it’s such a crime, they’re the ones that have to look that face in the mirror everyday and find a way to appreciate themselves for who they are, even when so many people can’t accept them. When I see those people, they look pretty normal to me. They don’t look like another species. But what if it really is a choice they make to be different? Or what if it isn’t? Either way who cares who they want to be? They should be able to be anything in the world. I suppose.