It was what everyone in my life wanted. It was more of their desire than mine; and I've always tried living up to that. To achieve the goal everyone set for me: to reach the state of ultimate perfection. Everything from my school grades to my physical appearance.

But not one moment in my life has anyone tried to look beyond my many layers of "perfection". My mentality apparently doesn't deserve that chance to be looked upon, I'm just another human who is NOT allowed to fail her family. And let me tell you, sometimes I find the pressure of this burden crushing me under all the fake smiles I keep on the surface of what everyone sees.

Sometimes I wonder how it is actually like to be human for once. To fail and then learn from my mistakes. But of course, that is most inexcusable as I would be falling from my high ranks, mistakes are not permitted. Not for me, anyway.

Jealousy strikes as I watch the other girls living the life I've always dreamed of: no tight schedule, no pretense on their personality, no constantly checking to see that their family approves before them. It hurts, because you only live once, and that moment you have spent trying so hard to please another never comes back. It's gone. Gone forever; you will never get that time back.

"Wow you're so smart! So clever"

"I wish I could be good at everything like you!"

I only smile to their responses to my empty successes, none of it had anything in for me, nothing to be proud of. Because these were never my decisions:it was their's.

To actually see the cracks that I constantly glue together with the thoughts of my family's pride would never be forgotten from the eyes of the people who only see my exterior. If only they saw the waste of this life.

I was a working slave to only smile and please. My feelings, emotions, they were dead to them. No part of me was me for I had my choices made before I could even consider them.

Only one person could understand the effort I have put into this text, that one person who ever looked past my "perfection". It is my most favourite person in the world: My Best Friend.