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Hairs to Voting
Everywhere, USA—It has now been nearly four months since Donald J. Trump, suspected toupee aficionado, shocked the nation by announcing his candidacy for President of the United States, causing widespread panic among media types everywhere.
“Is he politics? Is he entertainment? Is his hair even real? Is he even real?” said one flustered editor, as reporters fell over themselves to tug on his head squirrel. As it turns out, the answer to all these questions is “YES! And he’s going to be HUUUUUUUUGE!”
But that was four months ago, and now the whole Republican Party is running for President. Trump came to the race a confident laughingstock and has now become the frontrunner by some combined trick of media coverage and literal fortune and the devil himself. But now is the time for us liberal, self-absorbed, whiney, arrogant, lazy-good-for-nothing millennials to show those conservative, nosy, strident, pretentious, nothing-better-to-do naysayers who’s boss by again using only a voter ID card and a pen to change the course of history.
Trump is feeling good about his message, believing that he is only saying what everyone else is thinking, for example, that immigrants are going to take over our country, something that Americans have totally never done to anyone before. Interestingly, this message has resonated with millennials, who have responded with a resounding, “OMG! Seriously, we need to save this country from itself.”
First, we must overcome the pervasive stereotype that 18-to-29-year-olds are apathetic and confused by doing what we do best—using the Internet and its infinite undeletable wisdom to fact-check every claim we hear and using our cell phone appendages nonstop to express our opinions on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media.
It’s up to us to get to the truth; somebody’s got to do it. Past generations are too infatuated with hearing themselves and their pundit representatives on TV talk and talk and talk and talk, burying the truth in verbal vomit. No wonder people cannot tell what is real and what is not, kind of like “The Donald’s” hair.
This is our moment to prove that we can continue what we started in 2008 when we voted in record numbers. Living in the age of the Internet, we millennials have learned to take everything with a grain of salt, we have learned to look up facts instead of submitting to the loudest voice, making us absolutely impervious to fear-mongering, which will someday take a bite out of talk radio and cable news ratings. Democrats do a better job at bridging the gap between young and old; but their rival Republicans have yet to learn the trick to courting millennials.
OK, maybe I’m not giving enough credit where credit is due. Republicans have tried to recover from the Bush era. First there was the gun-toting Alaskan, then the unyielding Tea Party, then the smooth-talking one-percenter, and now the blustery billionaire who has eloquently captured the adoration of women and minorities everywhere. Failing to take into consideration the changing demographics of the nation, they doubled-down when they should have halved-up. Why do they keep putting up these Grade-A candidates?
Because they can. Because we let them.
But whatever. We have to live with our decisions, but we also have to live with the decisions of those who are not in touch with us millennials—the future of an America that is more accepting, more diverse, and more charitable.
I hope the necessity of voting is clear. Thomas Jefferson said, “Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights.” We have noticed, and we can make it right—so long as we vote.
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I was inspired in part by a SNL skit about Donald Trump's running for president that was a comment on how millenials were reacting to the circumstances of the 2016 election. I feel that it is very important that the older teen crowd gets out to vote!