(Or My Awesome Kickass Essay, So Called by Me)

As you can tell from reading the title to this oh so wonderful I believe midterm essay I have to write, I obviously believe that getting people to do stuff for me is a wonderful thing (and that my essay is awesomely kickass). Truly. I mean, all I have to do is somehow get them to do something for me, which isn’t that hard at all, and I don’t have to do anything at all. Just stand there and ask. Or sit there and ask. The most I ever had to do was whine a little. But then again my whining gets on people’s nerves so that’s probably why…

For example, Matt always does whatever I ask. I have no idea why though. Don’t get me wrong, I love having Matt do stuff for me, for free, not to mention I don’t even have to whine, but I just don’t understand why he does it. If my friends ask, he just refuses and returns to what he was doing. So my friends just send me to ask their questions. I think he does whatever I ask because he likes me better than my friends. The only thing he hasn’t done for me is pay me my ten dollars for ripping a page out of my book. He so owes me.

Joe is another example. When we were working on the science project, all I had to do was yell into the hallway if anyone was tall. Surprisingly, only two people raised their hands. In fact, I’m surprised that people raised their hands in the first place. It’s not like I was a teacher. But, I digress. So then I asked if one of them could pull down the strings from the ceiling for me. Because frankly, I was too lazy to get a stool, and no one in my group could reach the strings. Joe agreed before the other guy could say anything. Which is weird because I end up, hmm how do I say this? I end up telling him to shut up or go away in almost every conversation we have. Yeah, that sounds about right. So, I don’t get why he does stuff for me. I’m not a people person; therefore, I don’t understand people, so it’s all good. Maybe it’s because I’m so awesome…that or because my future speeches as first female Asian president of the United States will make everyone fall down laughing. Never mind. I don’t want to be president Think of the assassination attempts I’ll have to go through!

As for everyone else, it’s a little iffy. I mean, I ask them to do something, they normally do it. Like immediately. I really just don’t get it. It’s not that I don’t like it, don’t get me wrong, I love it, but I have to wonder why they do it. I mean it’s not like have to do it. I don’t threaten anyone. I’m not worshipped—because if I was, I would totally get why they do things for me without asking why. Not to mention it would be so cool. I could get anything I wanted…

I don’t know what this is technically called. And by “this” I mean…actually I don’t know what I mean by “this”. I don’t think it has a name. I don’t think it’s called manipulation, because really, all I’m doing is asking. Manipulation is “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.” Asking, on the other hand, is “to try to get by using words,” or asking for a favor. And yes, that did come from dictionary .com, because, as you know, I’m just awesome like that.