DO FIRST LOVES REALLY LAST?

Now that´s a good question, from a person who´s never been in love it´s not expected of me to know something but since i read a lot (like really i have a degree at this point) on romance books im gonna tell you my opinion.

Ok, i lied. I am in love, but im also scared because i never dated, besides the primary relationships i´ve never been with anyone romantically and i´ve never loved anyone, until now. I am almost eighteen so its not really teenage love but its still new to me since the other person is in the same situation as me, help.

I ve never felt this good when im with him, he lights me up on fire you know, i just can´t ignore him, i feel a string connecting us and i know he feels it too, cause we both tried multiple times to ignore and move on but we can´t keep our hands of eachother. Coming from a person who´s never felt male touch or something, and from what everyone tells me he hates physical touch he can´t stop touching me and i love it. I love it all, the small leg bumps, when i put my leg on top of his and he plays with my thighs and sometimes his hands stay longer than expected, when he strokes softly my fingers or plays with my nails. But mostly, when we go to the bathroom together and he goes feral on me, ugh im a sucker for that, and when he without notice held my face and everything dissapeared and for 2 seconds itt was just us in my pink little world (i´m cooked).

He lives in my mind rent free, i dream with him, i wake up to him, i sleep to scenarios with him, i just realllyyyyyy want him. Now the thing is, WHATS STOPPING US?

I dont know either for real, we already try to hangout 4 times and it never worked and i think this last time he just lied to me but im not sure. idk whats stopping him and he´s very inconsistent, like we were already on a stage where we talked for like 5 hours in a row and then out of nowhere he just got sick of me and cut our conversations for photos, mostly without any talk. I dont understand,but i really wish i could. I really wanted this to workout and maybe im just stupid but i feel it deep down we will,maybe not now, maybe in the summer but we are made for eachother. Because since 15 september you´ve always be mine tall king...

So maybe first loves don´t last but ours will, because it´s not only the first but also the last.

To my A.