I met them in sixth grade after a week of my first day in a new school in a new country. We became “Best Friends”, the three of us. And we were for four years, the relationship deteriorated between one of them and I. We fought we broke up, and I remained “best friends” with the other. And now two years later, I realize that no one can be trusted, and everyone seems to have their fake words and false demeanors to get what they want. I no longer associate with either. One has complete ignorance the other less contact. She knows. She shows it. I know she knows and she shows that she knows in such an interesting way. You will never understand the half truth of what I am describing. I admit my sentences are poorly constructed, but I am in no mood for grammar.
I made new friends. And I thought they will be the next best friends. But how wrong was I. No, they had not wronged me, but I cannot bring myself to let myself get attached to them. I do not feel relentless care or deep friendship as I used to with my friends. Instead a guarded wall lies between my friends and I where we will share our secrets, and we will laugh and joke and have fun and have sadness but they are at an arm’s length from me still. I trust them, I do, but I do not TRUST them. You will never understand.
I have concluded that I will never sacrifice for one that will not do the same for me. I have not found that person, or persons who are worth my deep care, for I have friends no doubt plenty with whom I have fun and live the life of a teenager. But those friendships are lacking something I have kept locked up. I don’t care if I don’t let it out now, whatever it is.
Does anyone know of what I speak. There is no way to describe it without confusion.