I ruined my life last year. I was a successful young man on the honor rol of me. Then, I slipped into the wildfire that has taken so many of our teenagers with it. This relentless typhoon lured me into its depths with bedazzled belt buckles, the exotically colored Nike shirts, and the ever so attractive red, black, and grey limited edition Jordans with the flashy tong and the metal aglet that hangs over the delicate suede resting upon the neon yellow sole…but that’s beside the point. The point is fashion, and all of its ridiculous properties.

Fashion is a waste of time. I should know. Do you remember those mornings that you woke up at 5 a.m to do your hair and make sure you had that little curl coming down your face, just how you wanted it, or that morning that you spent two hours ironing your skinny jeans and missed your bus, just to find that the jerk sitting in the desk next to you, wearing a plain white t-shirt, got more compliments than you? Straining, panting, worrying, you stumble into your class as the final bell rings to find you have forgotten your ever so important matching wrist band. I was that kid. I used to be the kid who freaked out if his shoes had any trace of dirt on them. I used to be the kid who was always in style, the one whose mind was set on looking “fly”, and nothing else. I used to be the kid afraid of being laughed at if I were ever seen in last month’s shoes. I was the kid trapped in the foreign land known as fashion.

Fashion is a waste of money. Fashion is like slot machines; you spend lots of money and rarely see a benefit. I once spent seven hundred dollars on clothes that were thrown out the fall after that because baggy clothing was” out”. Statistics state that 29% of teens spend 100 dollars or more at the mall. Is fashion really worth it? People practically have to take out second mortgages on their homes to keep up with the trends of today. Staying in fashion just isn’t worth it. Fashion, expensive and unnecessary, is a form of pear pressure, the want to dress like the coolest rapper. Do you really want to dress like a person named wheezy or Akon?

Fashion is punishment. Those designers who have your money on their mind but put your well being in the trash torture us with their trends. Pants worn bellow the waist are like handicaps. Try running across the street while waddling like a penguin. UGG boots in the summer time are as uncomfortable as a sweater made of hair. It is as if you had placed your feet in a sauna placed in a volcano. These fashion police have made it a requirement to wear these boots always, in order to maintain your cool status. High heels are the ultimate torture. Imagine spending hundreds of dollars on shoes that pinch your feet, keep you at a constant speed,slow, and work your muscles until total failure. Obama needs to haul all the inmates out of Guantanamo and throw them into some stilettos for an hour.
Other than the fact that fashion obsession will lead to bankrupcy, be the cause of excruciating discomfort, and consume most of your precious time, it’s alright. Someone once said “fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every 6 months.” So, everyone clear out your closets, I saw Jessica Alba wearing overalls yesterday.