Writing is my passion, and it just so happens that I am a passionate writer. I have become successful in my own right, making millions of dollars off of my written words. As I have been recognized by the President, the critics, and the readers as being one of the most influential authors of all time, I can finally say this: I am a wonderful writer.

Perhaps the above paragraph is true, although only in my dreams. I am not a wonderful writer; in fact, I am the exact opposite. I have not been recognized by the President, nor have I made as much as a penny off of my work. Honestly, I have never been published; not in the TeenInk magazine or any other publication for that matter. I am nothing more than a lonely kid who just wants to leave his mark on the world. Overall, I am a terrible writer.

Why have I not been published? As I just mentioned, I am a terrible writer. I do not write what the readers want to read. Therefore, the publishers do not publish my work. Instead, the publishers will publish a meaningless interview with Vanessa Hudgens, all the while rejecting a deep, provocative short story that speaks out against abortion. Yes, I have read the interview with contempt and scorn in my eyes. And yes, I was the author of that deep, provocative story, but it was shot down and criticized, with the publishers claiming that the content of the story was inappropriate. I’m sorry, did I offend anybody? No, because in politically correct terms, nobody can be offensive. All I did was write a story that greatly hurt some of the young, bright readers who shouldn’t be exposed to such deep topics. Well, gee, thanks for explaining it to me, Mary Sue, but in my terms, I am a terrible writer.

My writing voice is too strong, so I am not published. That is the only logical answer that I can conclude. Meanwhile, I am forced to sit back and watch the weak writers support a world that is falling to hell. Oh, I’m sorry; did the word “hell” offend anybody? Okay then, instead of using that word, I’ll replace it with “pop culture.” I am forced to sit back and watch the world fall to pop culture. Sometimes, I cannot distinguish the difference between the two terms. The mass of men, all of whom lead lives of quiet desperation, follow pop culture with zeal and fervor. Fortunately, I am not included in that overwhelming majority. I cannot write about pop culture unless I am using it as the antagonist. That is why, in the eyes of the readers, I am a terrible writer.

I don’t want this article to be published. That would be an insult to my face. Then again, isn’t that the point of this article; to insult the readers, critics, and publishers to insanity? I wouldn’t be surprised if this article did not even get posted on the site. This article is not something that the publishers want to publish because they themselves do not want to read it. Why would they let anyone else read it? All I can do is throw insults, hoping that one of them will get published. But none of them ever will. So, I have one question to ask: what the hell? Oh, there’s that word again. Does anybody have a problem with that word? Good, because I also have a problem with you, and if you don’t like it then you can stop reading this article and leave. Bye!

For those of you who puked while reading the Vanessa Hudgens interview and could brace the offensive terms: I thank you for reading this. I hope I made a difference in your life. If I actually did make a difference, then I can finally say that I am a wonderful writer.