Satisfied Junior Writer
February 24, 2009
Dear Future Inmates,
As probably know, you will write a literary analysis paper during your junior year. This is the mother of all papers (usually 10-15 pages) as well as your life for a good two and a half months. This paper will also determine your English grade for the semester, since just the final paper alone is worth one thousand points. Kids drop down a class just to avoid this paper. I hope you will not be one of these kids.
Although the literary research paper may seem like daunting task, if one works diligently, the paper will be a walk in the park. Trust me, I worked like a dog, and I got a 95%. But, for those not as' hardworking as me, I have pinpointed the 8 most important strategies or tools that helped me throughout the process. These strategies are extremely easy, and anyone can utilize them.
1.
Have a mom who is a writer and will happily read and edit your paper. If your mom is not a writer, or at least a journalism major, get a new family.
2.
Be brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Walk around the halls like you're da bomb. Be as cocky as possible, and face any task with an unbelievable amount of arrogance. Trust me, it works.
3.
Whenever someone asks you a question, whatever it may be, answer with 'Because I'm an A.P Student, that's why!' Again, walk around like you're Superman.
4.
Dissociate yourself from everyone. I mean everyone. Personal relationships only get in the way of efficiency. Only stay in touch with your writer mom.
5.
Concerning the paper itself, stay on topic. Be specific, and don't change your focus. Change is bad! Extremely bad! Be like an anti-Obama fanatic!
6.
Make copies! Lots and lots of copies. Making copies makes you feel extremely productive, even though you're not doing much. Copy essays about different authors and books, just to add to your sense of accomplishment.
7.
If you ever feel a bit hopeless, and you have a few hours, watch your favorite movie. You know, the one that makes you cry or cheer every time. Then, while writing your paper, imagine you're the protagonist of that movie, and the paper is your main conflict. This will give you a stronger sense of purpose. For example, I typed a whole five pages thinking I was avenging Obi-Wan Kenobi's death by doing so.
8.
There are other sites besides Sparknotes (wait, what, who said that?).


I hope these strategies will help you in your paper-writing process. Add a little soul-draining hard work, and you might be alright. Oh, one more thing. If the school librarians don't know your name, you're not working hard enough. God Bless and Good Luck.
Sincerely
Successful Junior Student