Dear Fremd Students,


As a student of William Fremd high school for about two and a half years, I would say that I am pretty well versed in the ways of the high school world. Sure enough, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean ugly. Nevertheless, there are ways to fix these “ugly” problems that we all face. By listening to and executing my advice, we can all make Fremd a better environment.


First of all, there is the issue of the lack of public intimacy between students in the hallways of Fremd. There is nothing that makes me-- and I’m sure many other people-- happier than seeing couples just going at it in the middle of the hallway. To create a loving and happy aura in the school, this intimacy is crucial and should be executed routinely. Who says love is reserved for adults only? Try to be as intimate as possible without getting caught by teachers or other administrators. In fact, let your intimacy with other students become more important than your studies-- it’s just your education, anyway. Especially with all the hard courses you students are taking, a quick five minute make-out session in between classes would be a great stress reliever.


But maybe you are one of those students who has trouble meeting other people? Well don’t stress out, because a great, easy way to do this is to stand right in front of other people’s lockers. It is a surefire way to get them to talk to you no matter what. Carry out this practice of locker-blocking for days, weeks, or even months at a time and your relationship with the person, or people, will grow in a positive way. For the more advanced, don’t move away from the other person’s locker. Stay put until the bell rings. This will guarantee a long conversation and maybe even a new friend!


To get the most out of your Fremd experience, a good thing to do is to stop and congregate in the middle of the hallways with all of your friends. By doing this every passing period, you are sure to be up to date on everything that happened with every one of your friends at every minute that you did not see each other. It is so important to have a great group of friends in high school, and the more obnoxious you are in school, the better. And the more you flaunt how “tight” you and your friends are to the rest of the student body, the better you will feel about yourself, thus making Fremd a deeper and more meaningful educational experience- “Laude cum laude.”


If you were an upperclassman giving advice to an underclassman, your first piece of advice would be: “Always be prepared.” This could not be any more true. In fact, it is an exceptional idea to treat your textbooks as if they were your bible. Every single book should be carried to every class, even if it is unnecessary. It is crucial that your backpack is packed to the maximum and overflowing with books and other school supplies. Some may think otherwise, but overpreparing is beneficial every single time. You never know when rhetorical strategies or the scientific method could show up on a math problem, but if it does, you would have those specific textbooks and resources for reference. And if back problems should arise from carrying all those books, don’t worry. When you become rich from all your studies, you will be able to afford a great chiropractor.

My last piece of advice to you fine young people: Always take your time and walk very slow in the hallways. You may think, “What about the other students in the hallways that need to rush to get to their classes across the school?” What about them? The hallways are for loitering! Why is everyone in such a rush to get to class, pushing you out of their way? How selfish of them! If you think about it, it is really all about you. You have no time to think about anyone else but yourself at these moments. After all, life is a competition anyway, so why not do whatever it takes to win?


There are so many reasons to walk slowly and take your time in the hallways. High school is a scary place, and it is so easy to get lost. Plus, with all these books you should be carrying, it is important to walk with the utmost caution. And girls, strutting down the hallway in a slow swagger is almost unavoidable when you are wearing the cute new outfit you just bought with your dad’s credit card and your hair is looking devilishly beautiful. Why not strut your stuff and show off how cool and pretty you are? Modesty is very much overrated these days.


As a parting comment and a quote you all should live by, “Live well, love much, laugh often.” Who cares if you live a little too well, love a little too much, and laugh a little too often? Everything is much better in excessive amounts, and it should be no different in your school lives. Don’t live by anybody else’s rules but yours, and fight for what you believe is right, even if it is not necessarily the right thing to do. With every student living by this motto and taking my advice, we are sure to make Fremd a better community, one step at a time.