I tell him how I'm feeling
with words and tears and words
I can't seem to say
quite what I mean
I'm sick I say
of feeling sorry
for everyone
of feeling sorry
for myself
I'm sick of caring
and of not caring
truth is
I'm just sick of feeling
I'd rather be numb
he tells me he's trying
he's doing his best
"the last ten or fifteen years
have been hard" he says
I wonder if he realizes
that has been my life
now I'm lying here
and I realize the problem:
I wasn't supposed to survive
no one is supposed to make it this far
life doesn't know
what to do with you
when you can still smile
and you're supposed to be dead.
and what I wouldn't give
just to be numb