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Adam and Eve MAG
August 24, 2009
Did Adam and Eve love each other?
Stretch out their souls in front of each other
And staple the edges together?
Did God just will the love
And the love
Just came? Can God will the love? Or is it free will?
Can you love one another by default?
Or is it cultured and pruned, coveted
And exhaled?
God has said this is enough.
Did Adam know what he was doing?
Before the Fall? When he
Took the fall for her?
And after,
Did Adam and Eve spend lonely nights
Looking at each other and thinking everything,
And saying nothing?
Or let it sprout into rivers of blame,
Or resentment for all the years
And the dead son?
© Lauren N., Denton, TX
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This article has 2 comments.
I actually really like the concept you tried with this. I thought, at first, it might be a poor idea, but the concept of Abel turned it for me.
However (there always seems to be an however, no?), your presentation of the poem could have been stronger.
Are you familiar with the term, "Show, don't tell." It means presenting what you're trying to show us without outright stating it. Most of this is questions which, instead, you could have used as themes to flesh out in the poem. I like the possible themes you have (and, like I said, how Abel may play into the ordeal) but you could have done it in a more subtle way to have us try to figure out what you're trying to convey (the mark of artistry and a good poet).
Definitely keep at what you're doing. You have good ideas; I'd be interesting to see your work progress.
However (there always seems to be an however, no?), your presentation of the poem could have been stronger.
Are you familiar with the term, "Show, don't tell." It means presenting what you're trying to show us without outright stating it. Most of this is questions which, instead, you could have used as themes to flesh out in the poem. I like the possible themes you have (and, like I said, how Abel may play into the ordeal) but you could have done it in a more subtle way to have us try to figure out what you're trying to convey (the mark of artistry and a good poet).
Definitely keep at what you're doing. You have good ideas; I'd be interesting to see your work progress.
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