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You See (Taking a Break)
August 18, 2009
There is a certain urgency
in the scrambling for solid ground
with our little
bug legs and arms.
But we fall anyway;
all the way off
and onto scattered leaves and dirt;
like our eye sockets fill up when we die.
It's all okay, though,
because our stupid body mass
isn't even enough to kill us
when we hit the ground.
© Daniel H., Durham, NC
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 10 comments.
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 1:30 pm
Thank you so much! =D
Haha, I've always seen myself (and most other people) as nervous, scrambling little things... <3 ^ ^'
Haha, I've always seen myself (and most other people) as nervous, scrambling little things... <3 ^ ^'
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 6:40 pm
It wasn't necessarily about ants, just about bugs in general. I wasn't using 'stupid' to sound whiny... It was just how I felt at the time--- stuck and pathetic and small. And I wasn't particularly trying to "embody" a bug... I was just trying to get across what the situation felt like inside.
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 7 2009 at 6:36 pm
Haha, well I'm not Jewish... I just admire that quote quite a bit. Realizing that has gotten me through hard times.
Ok - i really like the idea with the ants (i wrote a poem about them a while ago, but it's not on teenink - i never thought i'd find another), and it would have been a great poem, except that you call their body weight "stupid." You might have been trying to embody an ant, but it came across as merely whiny and not particularly poetic. Other than that, good job.
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 29 2009 at 7:45 pm
Thank you very much! I'm going through a rather strange break-up at the moment, and this is (one of the many) result[s].
Well, thank you again for your kind words, and I'll be sure to stop by and see what you've got to show!
~S.E.M
Well, thank you again for your kind words, and I'll be sure to stop by and see what you've got to show!
~S.E.M
NascentNovelist GOLD said...
on Aug. 28 2009 at 1:20 am
This poem is very interesting. It really makes me think... No one really sees from that perspective, but you seem to have captured it perfectly. Also, I can look at it in many different ways to mean many different things. This piece is definately a keeper. It's very unique and enjoyable.