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Mystique
Night be my teacher,
Candle be my witness,
Moon be my guide.
Help me see the stars,
And learn of their deepest secrets.
Maneuver me,
Through the twists and turns,
The darkest niches in my mind.
Put the pencil in my hand,
So I may write,
Pull me through
Insanity, so I may
Emerge enlightened, wise.
Teach me, o, secrets I have yet to find,
Witness me, o, my ever burning light,
Guide me, o, beauty I shall never find!
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This article has 14 comments.
While i did like this, it came off as a little cliche, at least to me. But thats being nitpicky.
I do like the first line, but the second line is laying it on thick. "Candle be my witness" is pushing the cliche pretty far, but i like the image/feel it creates. Just a thought.
Also "Moon be my guide" is disasterously cliche XD Probably the most of any line in this poem.
However, I do like your use of declaring "O". I think you have something good going there.
Its a good poem and I give it 4/5. The only issue i see here is the cliches, but what teen writing isn't filled with cliche. My only advice for you is to do your best to avoid words and phrases you think sound familiar or ones that aren't taken seriously by time, if that makes sense...Anyways, Good Job! :)
