I got a room cheap in a disused pet store
Unpacked my one bag, hung a sign on
the door.
It said “Has a mystery made you downhearted?
Enquire within.” And that's how it all started.

I solved puzzles, you see – for a tenner apiece
But I'm not a detective, I'm not the police
I was just a bored kid with a chemistry set
And I saw things one night that I'd
rather forget

The evening in question, I'd just solved the case
Of an octopus gone from the zoo with
no trace
I'd stayed out and searched till the strain hurt my head
But unluckily, found it too late, it was dead.

I didn't much care, please don't think
me coarse
But for dinner I had octopus, with blue sauce
But my meal was cut short, when a faint, sudden knock
Made me drop my dessert bowl, and jump from the shock.

My guest was a girl, made of pale skin
and bones
She nodded and said “I'm Alison Jones.”
I said, “Can I help?” She said “This
wasn't planned,
But I've got something here you can take
off my hands.”

Alison Jones held up a large sack
Which she carried with ease, and said
“This is Jack.”
So I looked in the sack, and curled up inside
Was a man with no hair, who had recently died.

Alison stared with her big sunken eyes
I avoided her gaze and thought talk would
be wise.
I asked with a shiver, “D'ya see him die, Miss?”
But Alison shrugged. “Naw, I found him
like this.”

I let Alison in, and made her a drink
When she took it I noticed her hands, stained with ink.
As she sat in my chair I put Jack on my desk
His jumper was torn and his grin was grotesque.

“Murdered,” I said, like I knew from
one look.
I wrote it down neat in my common-
place book
Then I took out my scalpel, told myself
that I dared
And I cut Jack wide open while Alison stared.

I wasn't a doctor, I wasn't a nurse
My first autopsy went from bad to
much worse
I looked in Jack's chest, and I made a strange sound
Like a scream and a wail. Do you know what I found?

Why did I open my door, even a crack?
I wish I'd never found out what happened
to Jack
There, under the ribs was a strange work of art
He had Alison's name tattooed on his heart.