I'm Finally Breathing | Teen Ink

I'm Finally Breathing

November 10, 2008
By Anonymous

My eyes are feeling so heavy but they never seem to close,
The wind is blowing through the window but its never cold.
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone,
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own,
I'm bound to be a lost soul.

And I can feel you breathing,
Something I never did or felt before.
And it's keeping me awake,
I want to hear more.
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's a voice I've never listened to.

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips,
Its haunting me down to my fingertips.
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss I give.
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now,
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with unreasonable doubt.

I'm breathing,
Something I've never done before.
I was dead and what happened that made me feel so unsure?
I was alive, right? I had not died right?
I'm finally breathing and it scares me.
I took the breath of life.

How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run?
But I'm going with run because that's all I ever done.
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same.
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away,
And I'm going to throw it away again, like always.
Because I'm still lost on the broken pathway.

And I can feel you breathing on my neck,
And it's keeping me awake,
Can you feel its final beating?
My heart's sinking like a black hole.

What can I say? I'm not what I want to be.
I'm not even who I use to be.
I loved the old me.
You say you'll never leave me,
And I left you.
I've crushed your pride and a little part of you died.

I'm alive but I had to kill all I loved to find what was right,
In front of my eyes.
I'm finally breathing and my heart is continuing its beating.

The author's comments:
My poem is really about me in relationships, I wasn't fully mature to be in one, well my past ones! And I was so focused on the other person and I wasn't focusing myself. Instead of worrying about their lives, their heart, their safety. I finally tookn a breath and realized, "What about me?"

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