I have a love hate relationship with swimming
It seems like it’s up and down every week
But my tolerance has grown over eight years
Now I know how to deal with it.

I spend so many hours in the pool
All the tears and disappointing memories fade
When I win a race or make a time standard,
Everything becomes worth it.

My pulse shoots through the roof
When I’m in the state finals racing to be the top
Waiting for the beep,
I hold my breath.

The greatest thing is to see my goal time on the scoreboard
A smile spreads across my face as I gasp for precious air
I’ve worked so hard to drop even milliseconds
I’ve tweaked every detail of my stroke to beat my opponent.

I live for the moments that I want to last forever
Those times where I am one with the water
Or the practices where I feel like an Olympian
And I feel like I love swimming again.

Like those silent moments under the water
Where all the noises are blocked out
Where I concentrate on my heart beat
And everything seems to slow.

Like practicing in the summer
At six or seven in the morning and the cold water wakes me up
The sun peeks over the trees around us and kisses our skin
I wish I could freeze time.

But sometimes I really wish I never became a swimmer
Super hard practices start to burn me out
Exerting myself so much to the point I can barely move
And pushing past my limits without stopping for a break hurts me.

Many times my cap has ripped or my goggles break
I’ve have been disqualified for the smallest errors
I get emotionally hurt by expectations not being met and disappointment with myself
Sometimes I just wish I could leave the practice and never come back.

Those are days when I am swimming and wondering why I do it
The days where I want to throw my cap on the deck and scream
The days where I am so stressed that I break into tears
But those days come and go.

When it gets tough my friends are there to help me up
My family is always at the end of my lane cheering me on
My coach’s arms are there wide open when I need an embrace
My teammates are there to watch my races.

But, overall swimming helps me release my stress
Get away from the world
Just the water and me
My second home with my second mom and swim team family.